


Desperate Measures

by orphan_account



Category: Free!
Genre: A very different Future Fish, Aftermath, Bouncer!Sousuke, Bruising, But with a happy ending, Costumes, Counseling, Graduation, Haru being jaded, Haru gets teased about Sousuke, Haru having grown up, Haru making bad decisions out of stubbornness and despair, Haru notices a pattern, Haru puts forth the effort, Haru takes steps to better his life, Haru's first day, Haru's stripper name, Jogging, M/M, Makoto having none of it, Makoto makes a small misunderstanding, Minor Violence, New Year's Eve, Not a fic that glamorizes stripping, Protective Makoto, Ran is a math nerd, Referenced Past Minor Character Death, Ren is a skater, Rin graces his loser friends with his presence, Rin moves back to Tokyo, Stripper AU, Stripper!Haru, The End, Tokyo AU, Unintended Consequences, Will be rather a dark journey in all honesty, a shake up in the stripper hierarcy, and boys having issues, awkward lap dances, baby's first pair of heels, basically just a lot of smut in this ch tbh, botched confessions, breakdowns, but it turns out to be the best thing he could have done, can't forget that, fish talking about triggers, fish trying to party, fluff among friends, intimacy issues, just let go Haru bby it's ok, lots of it actually, makoto likes them, nightmares and revelations, oh and gay sex, reunion with an old friend, revisiting the past, self defense basics, slight noncon/Haru elbows a creep, small breakthroughs, sometimes you can't go back but you can make a new normal that's ok, strippers take a field trip, tags to be updated as I go, trigger warning - assault, trigger warning - attempted rape, trigger warning - choking, trigger warning - rape, under it all Haru is still a socially inept dork, what's New Year's at a strip club without a little degradation?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 16:14:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 74,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2699279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this Future Fish, Haru never went to Australia, never found a dream, never thought he'd regret it until it was too late.  Now he's finding his efforts increasingly ineffective at helping Makoto hold on to his own dream, after the Tachibana's death.  </p><p>And we all know what desperate times call for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The exchange rate between dollars and yen is approximately 1 to 110 right now, so to keep it simple, just lop off two zero's at the end. 13,900 yen is around 139 dollars.  
> I don't know what the twin's exact ages are in canon, but I think they seem about 10-ish? I put them at 13 while Makoto is 22 in this fic, so hopefully it's not too much of a stretch...  
> Also, as a disclaimer, I have never been a stripper or inside of a club... So basically just winging it entirely here... My powerful NEED for this story overrode that little fact though...  
> So here it is, the fic that nobody asked for, where Haru breaks, refuses to admit it, and eventually learns to let people help him.  
> *nervous laughter*

“Thirteen thousand, nine hundred...”

Haru can hear Makoto muttering the numbers to himself as he sits hunched over the kitchen table. It's late and he should be in bed at this hour, or _at_ _least_ studying. But as soon as Haru came home, he'd had to tell Makoto that he'd lost yet another job, again. Fired this time for having a customer actually _file a complaint_ against the surly service...

He knows the check he'd been cut on the spot, equaling out to the last of his hours, is not going to be enough. Somehow Makoto never blames him though. He knows Haru has a difficult time interacting with the world on _its_ terms.

Haru's starting to get to the point though, where he has no one to blame but himself.

Sure, his first job had been a bad fit, how Nagisa had thought Haru would do well as a party planner was beyond any of them... But then the second had been relatively basic, waiting on tables...

Disastrous.

The third was a car wash, were Haru had been written up on the first day for doing the _unthinkably dangerous_ thing of trying to get under the spray of water while _not_ inside a vehicle... That was the first time Haru ever heard anyone refer to him as a _liability_. A string of meaningless and robotic jobs followed after that, one bleeding into another. The only reason Haru even keeps taking them, keeps trying, is for Ren and Ran's sake.

And for Makoto's.

Makoto has a dream of coaching, and Haru wants to do everything he can to make sure it doesn't get taken away from him. After the accident, Makoto refused to let the twins be raised by anyone other than himself. They were still a family as long as they were together. Even though he had been only twenty, barely an adult himself, Makoto had stepped into the role naturally.

Haru, who'd spent most of his days at that time soaking in his tub and dodging his parents' calls, was spurred into action as well. He helped Makoto pack up the remains of their small town life, and move the twins with him to Tokyo. All of their friends had refused to let Makoto quit school, arguing 'wouldn't he need a degree even more, to raise two children?', and Haru was glad for it. Makoto was entirely too kind and self sacrificing for his own good. He would have regretted it later.

It _is_ later now, actually, and Haru is immensely proud of him for sticking with it. Makoto had to lighten his class load to be able to work more, so he's a little behind in graduating. But this year will be his last.

Provided they find a way to make rent next week, that is.

School is expensive, especially without his parent's help anymore. They never talk about that aspect of it though. There's too much pain there. The twins are _startlingly_ expensive, with all the things they want to do and try and clothes they keep outgrowing. Haru only hopes the “retro is in” argument holds out for a few more years with Ran, and that she won't notice second-hand clothing is all they can _afford_ for her... Ren is a bit easier, being a boy, but Haru remembers Makoto's growth spurts vividly.

“If we don't pay the water bill tomorrow, it's going to get shut off” Makoto says tiredly, fingers running through his hair. He's been wearing glasses only for a few years now. Contacts had fallen into the 'luxury' category long ago.

“How much of it do we have to pay to keep it on?” Haru asks, knowing how all this works by now.

“They're demanding payment in full this time, because we're so far behind...” Makoto's voice sounds weaker than normal, strung out and thin.

“Is there anything else we can put off until your payday?” Haru double checks, just in case it might help him actually think of something. Makoto shakes his head.

“Ren and Ran's summer science camp is coming up next month. The deadline to pay is just a few days after my check comes, and if they don't get to go, they'll be heartbroken. They misses the countryside so much...”

Haru _does_ know just how much it would disappoint them, and wants to avoid it at all costs too.

“Does the rent have to go out on the 5th?...” he asks, implying it could be maybe a _few_ days late...

“The 5th already _is_ us being late. That's just the last day's worth of penalties we can afford without getting evicted” Makoto sighs, answering Haru's implied question. Letting his thoughts swirl for a moment, Haru looks away to the side.

“Too bad _jobs_ don't pay up front, like we're expected to for bills” he mutters.

“I'm sure you'll find something new soon, Haru-chan” Makoto gives him a soft, yet tired smile.

“ _Do not_ sell your laptop” Haru admonishes him, knowing exactly what his boyfriend considers to be their last item of real worth, “You need it for school, it's not an option.”

Makoto blushes, almost as if having been caught.

“Ah, it's probably not worth that much anyway, being used and so many years old...” he sputters, as if agreeing. Haru gives him a hard stare briefly, to make sure he gets the point.

“How much do we need, total?” he softens his tone to clarify, just in case they really absolutely can't come up with the money themselves.

“Fourteen thousand yen, or near enough that it doesn't make a difference” is the worried reply he gets. Not exactly chump change... If Haru actually bends his pride enough to go begging other people for money, he'll likely have to hit up a few different friends to get those kinds of funds... It isn't something he plans on doing unless on pain of death though. Or on pain of severely disappointed thirteen year olds...

 

The next morning he sees Makoto off to school, and then the twins off to school, before heading out to look for a new job. Yay. He's used to it by now, but it's still frustrating. The only things that look mildly interesting, you have to have experience for already. The things that pay well, you need to have spent millions of yen getting a degree for first. The 'entry level' stuff, well, you're expected to make up for your lack of experience or college degree by having a sparkling set of social skills, polished and well refined. The kind of _customer service_ stuff that is Haru's nemesis.

Haru applies to a couple places, not feeling a lot of promise at either. The third turns out to be a place he had worked for before, over a year ago. Haru doesn't remember them, but apparently they remember him...and they take the application back out of his hands with a frown. Whatever. It wasn't as if Haru truly _wanted_ to work there or something.

Tokyo is such a vast city, that he doesn't have to have much of a strategy when he goes on the hunt. Normally, he just picks a direction and starts walking, looking for any 'help wanted' signs as he goes. He's having to go farther and farther these days though, after two years' worth of dead-end employments.

As he sits down to have some leftover rice for lunch, he thinks about where Makoto would be on his campus right now, what the twins would be doing at this time. Haru firms his resolve as he eats. He won't go back today without being able to tell Makoto he's found a lead on another job. Sometimes, he's discovered, just a little bit of hope is all that's needed to alleviate the stress of a situation. They'll find the money. They always do, somehow. At least after this they'll be caught up on the water bill...

Haru knows Makoto will pick up the twins from their school himself, since his schedule allows for it this semester. Then they'll all do homework together when they get to the apartment. Haru doesn't worry too much about being there to cook dinner, since it's just left over rice again. Makoto can use a microwave, and Ran is there, if all else fails. So he doesn't have to try and be back by any specific time.

It does start to eat at his hopes though, when dusk begins falling and he still hasn't found anything promising. He's in a part of town he wouldn't normally wander into, so that may be part of the problem. Not having ever consumed alcohol, he doesn't think he'd make a very good bartender. Telling himself to hell with it, why not, he even goes in to a porn and sex toy shop that says they're hiring for a sales clerk. The atmosphere is a bit creepy, but Haru is willing to work with it.

Unfortunately the potential future co-worker who hands him the application tells him straight up that he doesn't have the 'cup size' that the bosses usually look for... So yeah, he's pretty sure he isn't going to be hearing anything back from that one either. When had Haru's standards sunken so low, that he's feeling slightly disgruntled about not having a shot at _that_ job?...

Deciding to switch sides of the street, Haru finds himself walking right towards a glowing sign that welcomes ' _Amateurs'_. His eyes go a little wide at the thought of _considering it_ that flashes across his mind, pulsing in synch with the neon lights. What was it that Makoto had told him once in bed?... He'd never known utter disdain could look so _hot_... Not that Haru had directed the look at him, just that Makoto had been present for it earlier that day... Plus Haru's certainly not one to mind being seen practically naked in public...

Wait, is he seriously contemplating taking off his clothes for money?

In the back of his brain, his memory supplies him with the fact that he could have spent a great deal of his life getting _paid to swim_ , but had passed on that too...

Mind made up, Haru walks toward the strip club, checking to see if it's for gay or straight audiences almost as an afterthought. It turns out to be a gay club. Not that it matters to Haru. As he's shown to the area for entrants to sign up, he practically chokes at seeing the amount of money involved. Fifty thousand yen, just for competing? And _one hundred thousand_ for the winner.

They could actually pay their rent _on time_ with that kind of money... Hell, even with just the fifty... Haru is infinitely glad Makoto still prefers the clean-shaven swimmer look, even if they aren't part of any athletic clubs now. Not that he's 'let himself go' or anything... But by the time Haru ever considered there might be more to competition swimming than just being a sell-out, he'd already lost the _competitive_ edge to his physique. Muscle tone is all well and good, but when milliseconds count, it takes more than looks to make it. Plus that lifestyle would regularly take him far away from Makoto and the twins, something he couldn't ever do to them _now_.

While waiting for his turn, Haru muses that Nagisa would probably be proud of him for using his looks to get what he wants. He feels like he's on the edge of a rather slippery slope, but it isn't like he's about to go out and become a prostitute or sell drugs or something. Makoto will blush when he hears about this, and Haru is actually rather looking forward to seeing that, but he'd be betrayed and heartbroken by anything more... Not that Haru _ever_ wants to have sex with anyone but Makoto, no matter how much money is involved.

This though... He watches the guy on stage ahead of him, seeing where his movements are jerky and not fluid, how he obviously doesn't feel completely comfortable in his own skin. Not that Haru is a perfectionist, or a freak for beauty and symmetry like _some_ people... But if he's going to do this, he might as well actually shoot for winning. An extra hundred thousand yen would solve _so_ many problems right now.

Like the fact that they are out of lube, and there are very few alternatives to that particular item. At least, not ones that aren't completely _gross_ , and are less expensive than just buying the product itself... But again, it's quickly becoming a luxury in their situation. Thankfully Makoto never complains about using the free, cheap condoms they give out on campus. Even though Haru _knows_ , for a _fact_ , that they are a bit snug on his well endowed boyfriend...

All at once Haru is broken from his revere by a man asking him if he has a song preference. He shakes his head, not really being up on the latest crazes. Whatever will be fine. The previous contestant's song is ending soon after that, and Haru readies himself. Slow. Smooth. Build the anticipation, he tells himself before stepping out.

He does recognize the song, belatedly realizing how stupid that would have been, to not know when the high points in it were coming. _Timing_ seems like it would be important too... On the stage, the lights are surprisingly hot as he moves with the beat. There seems to be quite a bit of cheering as he removes various articles of clothing, so he takes that as a good sign. People on TV and in the very few pornos he's seen all seemed to like hip thrusting too, so he makes sure there is a good amount of that.

Haru has ever understood the pull of these kinds of things. He's never been able to get off looking at random strangers. Unless there is a connection, his body sees no point in getting all worked up over it. That doesn't mean he doesn't understand how this sort of thing _works_ , though. Prying open one button at a time, slowly sliding fabric over skin... If he keeps his eyes just slightly hooded, the look of apathy he normally has for the world will be kind of sexy, he hopes, thrown over his shoulder. Really, he's getting at least the fifty thousand just for taking off his clothes, so he tries not to over think it _too_ much.

He's probably never felt less 'competitive' about anything he's vied for before in his life.

But somehow, he manages to still do it well.

Well enough to win.

He seems to be operating in a dazed state while watching them count out cold hard _cash_ for him backstage, still holding most of his clothes in a lump against his chest.

“Your technique's a little rough, but you've got potential kid. What we pay for steady shows isn't as much as _this_ per night, but the tips do add a nice layer on top of it” the man tells him with a wink.

“Do you have an application I can complete?” Haru hears himself spitting out, probably due to classical conditioning at this point. The man laughs at him. Haru is too intrigued by the prospect of this situation though, to be affronted. It's only a short, conversational laughter anyway, the kind that's meant to punctuate what's about to be said next.

“We probably do, but it's not the important part. You've already aced the interview, so what's the point of working backwards?” he asks, giving Haru a knowing look. It makes sense, so Haru is inclined to tilt his head in agreement.

“Look, the main thing is answering the big three” the man begins, and Haru blinks.

“First off, do you have some sort of monkey on your back kid? Hmm? Alcohol? Pills? Gambling?” he asks seriously. Haru suspects those categories are just examples, with them all lumped into being one question.

“No. I just need to pay rent” Haru affirms. The man tips his head in response, a story he's probably heard ad nauseum.

“Second, are you currently, or will you be in the immediate future, running from the cops?”

Haru raises an eyebrow at that, but shakes his head, “No.”

“Last one then. Is your boyfriend the jealous type?”

There's a blush blossoming over his cheeks, he can feel it.

“Uh. No, he's...more of a gentle martyr type of guy...” Haru feels more than hears how his voice trails away as he admits it.

“That's really the big one, I mean, at least the one we have the most problems with. I can't have you up on that stage if some guy seeing red is going to come in here causing havoc” the man tells him point blank, “I'm in this for the same thing you are, kid, _the_ _money_. And drama is counterproductive to making it.”

“It won't be a problem” Haru assures him, but not because he's sure Makoto will be ok with this. Even if he isn't though, the _last_ thing Makoto would ever do would be to _cause a scene_.

“Ok then, you're hired kid. What was your name again?”

“Nanase. And I'm twenty-two” Haru feels the need to make him stop saying the word 'kid' in reference to him.

“Perfect. Swing by tomorrow and we'll get you set up, work out the new schedule and all that. Oh, and just so you know, we provide the costumes from our collection here, but it's BYOT kid – bring your own thong” the man warns him up front.

“Got it” Haru nods, feeling like he's really better with it being that way, actually.

Heading back home afterward, fully clothed again, he passes by the sex shop. Without hesitating, he goes inside once more, but as a customer this time. He thinks Makoto will agree, based on how long it's been since they had good, hard, fuck me _right_ _there_ sex, that this purchase is not frivolous in comparison with how much money he just acquired. Not that Haru had been thinking about it _overly_ much lately.

By the time he gets home, Makoto has the twins tucked away in bed, and is reading a book that's far too thick to be recreational. At least it's school work this time, not worrying over numbers and deadlines. Haru makes a silent wish for there to be a lot less of those nights in the future.

“Oh, Haru, you're back!” Makoto says with his sunny, yet still quiet tone. It wouldn't do to wake the twins, after all. “I was beginning to wonder...” he admits, meaning _worry_ of course by 'wonder', but playing it down for Haru's sake.

“I'm fine” Haru knows from the text messages they exchanged around the time darkness was falling, that Makoto was forewarned about him being out _late_. “Have you paid the rent yet?” Haru asks, his stomach giving a strange flip of anticipation at what he knows he's about to do.

“No...” Makoto frowns, because such an action was not even on the table, “Why?”

Haru pulls out the wad of bills and calmly puts it in Makoto's hands, watching his eyes carefully.

“Because I found a new job... And it paid up front” he says, feeling another small thrill of 'having done well' at how Makoto's eyes widen.

“H-Haru!... Where?... How?... Oh my god, don't tell me you sold a kidney” Makoto puts a hand on Haru's hip, as if protecting him from an imaginary, black-market scalpel.

“I think I'd get more than a hundred thousand yen for a _kidney_ ” Haru replies seriously, frowning at his boyfriend.

“A hundred... thousand? _Yen_?... _One_ _hundred thousand Yen_?!” Makoto repeats, as if he can't quite wrap his head around it.

“I won amateur night” Haru says softly, knowing it will dispel the shock that lays over him. Like a telescope dialing in to the right magnification, Makoto's eyes suddenly focus on him with comprehension.

“Amateur night” he says, a statement, while his mind sorts through all the implications.

“And they offered me a job on the spot. So I took it” Haru adds further, figuring it might as well all be out in the open at once. The next words out of his boyfriend's mouth shock him to his very core. Makoto sighs heavily, looking away from Haru's intent gaze.

“I guess I can't say I haven't thought about it myself...”

“You'd die of embarrassment just waiting to get on the stage” Haru says in disbelief, because seriously, Makoto and all eyes being on him are not a good combination. Besides, Haru likes it better that his eyes are the only ones that get to be _on him_.

“Ah, well... I only said I'd _thought_ about it...” Makoto blushes right then, rubbing the back of his head. He lets the hand fall away a moment later though, meeting Haru's gaze again.

“But you're ok with it? Everyone seeing...” he trails off, his eyes moving up and down Haru in a quick motion.

“I'm fine. It doesn't mean anything, Makoto. It's not like I'm going to have sex with them” Haru shrugs.

Makoto wets his lips, looking up at him from the couch as if debating something in his head. Then he peels off a bill from the stack Haru just handed him, and reaches over slowly. Using one hand, he lifts Haru's shirt just a bit, and then tucks the yen into his waistband.

“And you'd be ok, with this?” he questions, letting his fingers linger a little longer than the action really requires.

Haru presses his lips into a thin line, because he _is_ blushing, but not for the reason Makoto thinks. A single brow over that intense green gaze is raised, and Haru huffs, turning his head away.

“It's only because it's _you_ right now. When it's not you, it doesn't affect me like this.”

“What about lap dances?”

Haru's head whips back to the front, his eyes just slightly wide.

“They didn't say anything about that...” he answers, more like an admission that he forgot to ask. They look at each other for a few seconds in silence, before Haru mutters to himself, “I don't know if I'd be any good at _that_...”

“I'm sure you'd be _good_ at it” Makoto sighs, holding his head in just one hand for a moment, “That's not what I'm worried about...”

“You don't need to _worry_ about me” Haru states adamantly.

“I just don't want you to feel like you _have_ to do this” Makoto brings his face up again, and there's a deep, life-altering swirl of emotions in his eyes. Breaking points are close to being reached here. Haru doesn't like this feeling, the raw and laid-bare edge this conversation is suddenly taking.

“I just...” Haru pauses, searching for an honesty within him that can match Makoto's right now, without sending everything crashing down. “I want you to be able to count on me” he finishes feebly, knowing he's been pretty lackluster in that department all his life, as a boyfriend and human being in general.

“I do count on you, everyday, in so many ways, Haru” Makoto says earnestly.

“But making the twins an edible lunch doesn't pay the bills” he replies, just as forcefully. Again, there's that silence they can't break for a moment, because the truth it covers over is one neither of them want to talk about.

“I can do this” Haru insists, but it's gentle, to the point of almost being a question.

“... Just, promise me, Haru” Makoto pulls him down to sit facing him on the couch, “If they do ask you to do something you don't like... Or even, if you think you'll be ok with something, and then realize later you're not... I want you to quit if it's too much, Haru. I-I mean, not that I can order you around... It's just... I know you wouldn't be doing this, if it wasn't for...” Makoto lets the silence speak for him just a little, filling in the past and pain that he can't bear to.

Haru is fluent in silence, all the different kinds of it. He knows this one is the kind he needs to brush away carefully, and with the right timing. Two years isn't very long after all, when your world's been turned upside down. So all he does is nod at first.

“It's not actually a full hundred thousand” Haru tells him after just the right amount of saying nothing. He changes the topic purposefully, keeping the gentle tone though.

“I stopped on the way back and bought us some lube.”

The thankful edge forming on Makoto's look of interest is shattered when he hears _what_ Haru purchased. Then he's blushing like a schoolgirl, which is fairly common and completely adorable on him.

“I thought you said it didn't affect you _like that_ ” he says, seeming somewhat distraught by the implication that Haru was so horny when he left the strip club that he had to run out and purchase it right away.

“It _wasn't_ like that” Haru frowns. “I just thought, with having won so much, it would be ok...” he shrugs, trying to play it off but realizing it still sounds like he was pretty worked up, just for a different reason... He opts to let the silence hang between them again for a bit, but it's much more comfortable this time.

A second later, his train of thought is broken by Makoto giggling beside him. Then some outright laughter escapes him next, and he clamps a hand over his mouth, trying to be quiet. Haru steals a glance at the door to the twin's bedroom, but it looks closed tightly as normal. Then he looks back to his boyfriend's face, for any indications of a mental breakdown. There don't seem to be any. The mirth in Makoto's eyes seems real and genuine.

“I can't believe you won a pile of money, and the first thing you bought was _that_ ” he giggles again, it sounding more like a snort because he's trying to hold back. Sensing an opportunity, Haru dismisses the implication that he should be embarrassed about this, and leans in toward Makoto's ear.

“I miss having you inside me, _hard and fast_...” he whispers, seeing the shiver it produces. Makoto's mouth is hanging slightly open as he turns his head, putting their lips only millimeters apart.

The laughter is suddenly gone.

Their eyes hold each other for a moment, in a way that means they both wish there was more they were holding onto right now.

“It's already pretty late” Makoto says quietly, as if his chest is tightening around the words, trying to keep his rebuttal from escaping.

Haru shakes his head, having none of it now that the mood has shifted.

“You need me” he says clearly, then he amends it softly as an afterthought, “We need this.”

“ _We_ need this...” Makoto repeats back to him, their lips brushing slightly. His assertions about sleep patterns fall to the wayside as they kiss just a touch desperately. Makoto's hands reach back around Haru's waist, making the bill tucked in there crinkle. They stop kissing for a moment while he removes it, putting it away with the rest.

“I'm kind of sorry I missed it...” Makoto admits, heat filling his voice and eyes, not having to elaborate on _what_.

“Bedroom” Haru says curtly, standing up to lead the way. His boyfriend follows dutifully, turning off the lights behind them. It's a different feeling than being on that stage, watching Makoto weigh down the edge of their bed as he sits. His gaze is adoring, not lustful and slightly drunk. He _means_ something to Haru.

There's no music, because they sold their iPod’s last winter so the twins could have coats. The beat is fairly easy for Haru to remember though. He has to admit, he likes the way Makoto's eyes follow his movements. Likes it enough that he almost wishes he had a pole or something to up his game... But he doesn't really know anything about _pole dancing_ , so it's probably best to just stick to this.

Makoto certainly seems to be enjoying it as is. Other parts of his body are obviously _at attention_ now, aside from just his piqued interest. Haru smirks as he straddles his lap, completely naked once he's done, grinding his hips down. Makoto moans, low and delightful in his ear, reaching to cup Haru's ass in his hands. They kiss like that, open mouthed and hungry, as large but gentle fingers play against Haru's opening. He lurches himself up off of his boyfriend the next moment, retrieving the lube from his satchel as quickly as possible. He practically shoves it into Makoto's hands while crawling back in his lap.

 _That_ earns him a pleased grin, but Makoto wisely says nothing about his eagerness. Haru can feel slicked fingers probing against him seconds later, and his kisses become demanding.

 _Hurry up_. He tells Makoto with a searing gaze. His breath hitches and, _finally_ , he's being pushed into, loving fingers stretching and caressing him inside. Haru's not sure when he became this needy, but he's ok with Makoto seeing it. He's the only one who can bring it out in him anyway.

It only takes a few minutes for Makoto to get him ready, laying him down on the bed when he is. Then the brunet pulls back to unbutton his own shirt, and Haru takes a moment to appreciate the watching end of things.

“I'd try and put on a show for you too, but I don't think I could be anywhere as graceful as you are, Haru-chan...” Makoto says apologetically. Haru dismisses his argument.

“You're already perfect” he tells him, rubbing his naked calves against Makoto's still clothed legs. It makes Makoto blush, and work his buttons faster. His jeans hit the floor next with a small clank of metal from the buckle. Then the giant mass of warm skin and firm muscle that is _Makoto_ crawls over him, engulfing him. Haru wraps his limbs around his boyfriend, feeling the gesture returned right away as they kiss. As much as he wants that firm length inside as soon as possible, he just _relishes_ this for a moment. All the love and caring he has in these arms is far more than he deserves. But he's selfish enough to still accept it while struggling to compare.

Makoto isn't too lost in kissing him to forget the urgent mood though, and slides himself into Haru's offered body quickly. His movements are steady, testing the boundaries of just _how_ hard and fast Haru really wants it. With quiet, but encouraging noises, Haru prompts him to keep moving just a little more quickly, thrust a little harder... _Yes, there_... Until he can _feel_ the effort in Makoto's hips, the force of it keeping him pinned to the mattress.

He never really forgets how _strong_ Makoto is, but sometimes he gets reminders like this, and likes it very much. Sweat beads over flushed skin, the promise of bringing the other to ecstasy spurring both their movements. Haru can feel his body trembling, as if suspended by a wire. Then all at once the wire snaps, and he's plunged into pleasure, swallowed whole by it.

Makoto groans in his ear as their hips snap together a few last times, punctuating their mutual claim.

“You're the perfect one...” Makoto whispers to him.

Haru hears it through the haze of orgasm that lays over his head. He knows he's far from perfect, but sometimes, in certain situations, it's better to just not fight Makoto over it.

“I love you too” Haru says softly, instead of contradicting him, knowing what he really means behind those words anyway.

He's not sure if he's just _that_ hazy from the intensity of the afterglow, or if he fell asleep, but the next thing his awareness picks up on is Makoto gently cleaning him. He can tell his boyfriend is trying to be as unobtrusive as possible, so Haru's guess is that he actually did nod off... Then Makoto settles down into a familiar snuggle with him afterward, and all is right with the world.


	2. Chapter 2

Haru does not own a g-string.

It's one of the more awkward things he's ever had to do in his life, to ask Makoto for some of the money back because of this. He's pretty sure that what he was told yesterday means he's supposed to show up 'ready to go' tonight... Normally if he was told a company had a certain dress code, he would just wear whatever he already had that was 'close enough'.

That is not going to cut it with this.

He wonders if he'll be ok to wear the same one over and over in a row... Most 'patrons' wouldn't know the difference, he assumes. Plain satiny black seems like the most versatile option, since apparently there will be various _costumes_ involved. Briefly, the image of their old Iwatobi-chan mascot comes to mind, but he wills it away before the memory can be corrupted by his current situation.

He decides to shave when he gets home from the underwear buying expedition. It's only been a couple of days since he last did, but Makoto made a point the previous night. If people are going to be _giving him tips_ , stubble in those areas is probably not conducive to it. Haru sighs, sitting on the edge of the tub when he's done. This is already turning out to be a lot more effort than he's ever gone to for a job before.

But the money...

It almost makes him feel business-like about it, even though most people might consider this kind of sleazy. The fact that he is doing it strictly for the money. It's like a business transaction. He wants their money, and people apparently want to look at his ass.

He does take a moment to look at himself in the mirror with the g-string on, his cheeks pretty much bared to the world. It's kind of the point though. The assumption he made while shaving, that he should be extra thorough because of his _attire_ , turns out to be correct.

If the money doesn't turn out to be as good as he's hoping, this might be more of a pain than it's actually worth...

Haru dresses again with a variety of thoughts chasing each other through his head. The most prominent one is that it's going to take a while for him to get used to this new _fashion_ in underwear choice... At least he doesn't have to wear it all the time. A lot more of his skin is rubbing directly against his jeans than he is used to as he walks, but he decides it's not _un_ comfortable...

There's time for him to make and eat dinner with Makoto and the twins before he leaves, which he's glad for. They were able to purchase actual _meat_ for their meal tonight, which he is doubly glad for. The twins need proper nutrition and all that, with them still being growing. He and Makoto probably aren't completely done growing yet either, for that matter...

Makoto pulls him aside when it's time for him to go, hugging him tightly just outside the twins' field of vision.

“I'm not going off to war or something” Haru mutters, but accepts the hug.

“But I do want you to come back safe” Makoto tells him, increasing the force of his embrace to _squeezing_ just briefly, before quickly backing off.

“I'll be fine. I'm sure they have bouncers and all that stuff” Haru tries to ease his worries a little. Makoto nods at him solemnly.

“Remember, don't do anything you don't want to, ok?”

“Ok.”

“I love you, Haru...”

“Makoto, I'll _be_ back.”

“I know, I know...”

“Makoto...”

“...Yes?”

“...I love you too.”

Makoto smiles at him, and Haru knows that's the best he's going to get regarding this, so he leaves it at that. His goodbye to the twins is much more casual, and in line with him leaving for just a normal, average, night-shift type job...

When he finally arrives at his new place of employment, it's dead inside, with hardly any of the staff there yet. He's told to fill out some basic paperwork; his official info, name, address, date of birth... Then he's handed over to a man with way too much eyeliner on, to be shown the ropes.

And by ropes, they mean pole.

They don't want 'amateurs' to hurt themselves or the audience, but apparently he _will_ be expected to learn this, and learn it quickly. Eyeliner guy shows him some basic moves, and makes him practice them with and without clothing on. Haru's coordination is excellent, so he gets the hang of a few of the more 'moderately advanced' ones too. He's not ready to suspend himself upside down or anything, but it should be enough to hold the crowd's interest. He hopes.

“Ok, you can take a few minutes to put your outfit and makeup on now. Your first set will be in about a half hour” eyeliner guy tells him.

“Make up?” Haru must have made a face, because he's _smiled_ at.

“Never worn it before?”

“Uh...” Haru says, because he's wavering between saying he never has, or saying he never will, and just forgetting all of this...

“Come on, I can show you the basics there too. It's not difficult. You've got a good skin tone, just a little to make your eyes and lips stand out should be good” eyeliner guy winks at him. Even as his 'trainer' is turning to lead the way, Haru's still debating on whether or not continuing with this is a good idea.

But the money...

The twins' summer camp was only the _most_ pressing of many, many things in line with rent. Many of which, _most_ of which, there are no real funds for either. Haru wishes he could remember what it was like to not have bills, to not lay awake at night envisioning large green and brown eyes filled with disappointment. He's tired of hearing Makoto's stomach rumbling because he's given too much of his dinner portion to the twins again.

He might as well give this thing a chance, get the whole experience before making any rash decisions. Makeup is basically like painting anyway, being artistic, just with your face... Haru is almost afraid to let eyeliner guy put it on for him, considering what the man's own looks like, but he's never done it himself. He watches carefully in the mirror though, you know, just in case he ever does have to do it on his own...

“So, once you've done your first set on stage, you'll have about an hour to do lap dances, then you'll have a second set, then you're done. They're starting you off easy tonight” eyeliner guy informs him with an encouraging look. Eyeliner guy also uses the stage name “Riki” he finds out, but Haru's not sure what his real name is.

Not that it matters.

“I don't care, anything's fine” he tells them when they ask what stage name he wants to use. Then the man who hired him, his actual boss, leads him out to the main area and gives a quick tour before the doors open.

“You're familiar with the stage and behind it” he starts with, though Haru wouldn't count having been back there a grand total of _twice_ as being _familiar_...

“We have at least eight bouncers on shift at all times, and they rotate throughout the floor. There's two for the stage, two for the doors, one who watches the bar, one who watches the over the lap dance area, and two who circulate the tables. If you have any _trouble_ , kid, you let the nearest one know right away. They wear black jeans and t-shirts, most of them are a head taller than the rest of the crowd too. A good bouncer's almost as hard to come by as a good stripper...” his boss elaborates, mostly mumbling that last part to himself.

“So, we _do_ have to do lap dances?...” Haru says, trying not to sound hesitant.

“Well... It's not strictly required, but honestly, that's where the best money is, kid. You only get paid minimum wage for your actual 'hours' here, but you get to keep all the tips you make on stage. With the lap dances, I charge them four thousand yen a pop, and you get half of that as a 'commission'. Again, it's plus whatever tips you earn while giving it.”

Haru has had enough jobs to know that 'not strictly required' means _strongly encouraged_ , but we can't legally _make_ you do it... So he nods and looks at the padded lounges with scrutiny, noticing it's only a curtain that separates each one from the rest of the room. It can't be that bad then, he decides, it's obviously not set up for illicit prostitution to be run out of or anything...

As he's heading backstage with only a small amount of trepidation, the bouncers are filing in, getting a warm greeting from the bartender. He happens to catch the gaze of one, seeing teal eyes widen at the same time his own do.

But Yamazaki says nothing, so Haru doesn't either.

The last he'd heard of him was that Yamazaki had made an attempt to get back in the competitive swimming world, but his shoulder just couldn't hold up under the sustained effort.

It really wasn't any of Haru's business. Yamazaki had never liked him before, he suspects because of the other's rather bad crush on a certain redheaded mutual friend. But Haru hopes he'll at least be civil now, hearing the boss's admonishment against _drama_ ringing in his ears. It's not like he'd ever done anything to pursue said redhead, the way Yamazaki had feared.

In a way Haru finds the distraction of thinking about it helpful. But on the other hand, he's all too suddenly being prompted to get out on the stage next. His hastily donned costume is mostly spandex, and feels tacky.

He can hardly believe anyone finds this attractive.

There's cheering when he walks out though, so maybe there are just a lot of people with really horrible taste in the audience.

He dances to the same song he did at amateur night, but with the pole this time.

Grip the metal, swing around, stick out a leg... It's fairly straight forward. Remove a new piece of clothing in between each couple of moves. Haru feels like the most important thing he learned from Riki was to make sure he pauses here and there, gets low enough for people to be _able_ to tuck their bills into his underwear.

He survives the first fingers dipping in under fabric just fine.

It actually makes him feel better about the entire thing, that he feels nothing over it.

Haru hopes the attempt at lap dancing he has to make will go as smoothly. There's only a few minutes given for him to stash his tips away, before he has to check in. _If_ anybody has requested him for a 'private showing', they can't be kept waiting.

Just Haru's luck, someone _has_.

“Third one down” the manager tells him with a jerk of his head. Haru looks at the door leading out to the main area, and figures it's not much different than wearing a swimsuit... He was used to the looks of adoration he got wearing it in high school, mostly from Kou.

These looks turn out to be much different though.

Haru is almost glad to be behind the curtain once he joins his client, just because humanity in general is disappointing.

The man waiting for him smiles, looking him up and down in a way that is equally disappointing to Haru's faith in the human race.

Well, he might as well get this over with.

Haru knows the rules, that the clients aren't supposed to do any touching. The only contact is supposed to be Haru rubbing against him. But he kind of gets the feeling there are probably gray areas to that. Hence the curtains...

“What's your name?” the man asks, and Haru hopes to _god_ that he's not going to be expected to make conversation during this...

“I'm new, they haven't given me one yet” he says honestly, moving forward. A lap dance is where you kind of dance in the other person's lap, right?... Haru puts his hands on the man's shoulders, preparing to straddle his legs.

“Mm, cheeky thing, aren't you?” the man chuckles.

“If that's what you want” Haru answers flatly, trying his best to play along. Then he feels hands sliding up the backs of his thighs, stopping just short of his ass.

“I think I want you to turn around...” he's instructed as a bill is slipped into the left strap of his g-string. Haru wonders if it's considered rude to look at how much it is before complying. Ultimately he goes along with it though, because he understands letting his guy get an eyeful, even if he does try to feel him up, is basically his job description.

“Now bend over” is the next order. Haru can't help it, he shoots a look over his shoulder, probably one with more malice in it than there should be if he wants to be getting any more tips.

The man just chuckles again, leaning forward. With certainty of success written on his face, he pulls out a bill for two thousand yen, slowly folding it in half lengthwise.

Haru raises an eyebrow, because that's as much as his commission for this dance in the first place. The banknote is waved in the air between them, beckoning Haru to come closer. Hesitantly, he complies, figuring he's about to be propositioned and will have to tell the creep to get lost.

“I said, bend over” the man repeats, as if Haru is missing the point here.

“And?” Haru questions, because there is seriously no way this guy's giving away that kind of money for _just looking_.

“And, let me _appreciate_ the glorious view...” is the coy response he gets, while the man looks him up and down.

Never once does he meet Haru's eyes.

Glancing over to the flimsy curtain, Haru supposes if the guy takes his 'appreciation' too far, it's not like he's trapped with him or anything...

The wall on the opposite side from the curtains is made of solid mirrors. As Haru bends, he can see the man licking his lips in the reflection. Next, hands run up the backs of his legs again, but they don't stop this time. They slide over his ass, cupping it and squeezing. One stays resting there while the other continues upward. Haru watches as the two thousand yen is tucked into the thin strap that runs between his cheeks. A single finger stays hooked underneath it afterward though, it's knuckle running down along the length of the fabric. Haru tells himself that even for two thousand yen, he'll stop this if the guy goes for trying to _probe_ anything.

The touch backs off though, and after one more squeeze the man leans back.

“Ok, you can start now” he says huskily, obviously having done this many times before.

Normally Haru doesn't worry about what people think of him, but he can't help but wonder if his attempt at a lap dance is what this guy had in mind. He's already in only his underwear, so it's not like he can strip again... So he tries just moving with what are fairly universal 'sexy' motions. Grinding occasionally over the guy's crotch seems appropriate, all things considered.

This is only supposed to last for a few minutes, but it seems like it's taking forever. Hands run over his arms, stomach, legs...over his ass with _regularity_. Haru is completely sure that the next time this guy gets off, it will be to the image of him bent over like that a minute ago. To his surprise, a few more bills get tucked into his skimpy excuse for underwear as they go along, though they're much smaller denominations.

There is a definite bulge in the pants Haru is straddling, but he's not turned on at all by this himself. He has his back to the man's chest, and legs spread over his thighs, when he hears a whisper in his ear.

“So, how much to get your mouth showing a little _appreciation_ for my cock?...”

At the same time, a roaming hand slides down the _front_ of his g-string.

Haru is suddenly very _done_.

He goes to stand up without even bothering to answer, but is surprised by the man trying to keep him where he is with an arm secured around his waist.

“Feisty is a good look on you” is said a little more forcefully in Haru's ear, and the hand wraps around his dick at the same time. Haru elbows him, _hard_ , because weak is something he's never been, no matter how pathetic. It's enough for him to be able to get away, get up out of the guy's lap. He spares a glance to make sure the asshole isn't lunging after him or anything, but he's not. Haru hightails it out of there less than gracefully, with the image of the guy smirking at him being the last thing he sees.

As soon as he's free, the first thing he does is head directly for backstage. He can't tell if he's _upset_ upset about what happened, or just pissed.

“Hey, you ok?”

Haru looks up, way up, because his boss hadn't been kidding about the bouncers, and Yamazaki is even taller than Makoto. Of course, _he'd_ be the guy assigned to keep an eye on the lap dancing. Haru has never gotten anything but flack from him, so he's not prepared for the sympathy he sees when their eyes meet.

“I wouldn't normally bug you, but they like us to keep a closer eye on the new guys” Yamazaki explains evenly. He doesn't look Haru up and down like a product he's thinking of purchasing, and Haru feels oddly relieved. If anything Yamazaki seems very professional about this.

“He was a lot, _touchier_ than I expected” Haru says flatly, trying to test for where the lines really are with this job.

Yamazaki raises an eyebrow, then his gaze shifts to watch the man exiting the curtain, as if memorizing him. The guy makes his way back into the crowd, not looking especially guilty or anything. Not that many of them do when they've 'pushed it'.

“Did he tip you well?” is the first question Yamazaki asks.

Haru blinks at him, then pulls the money out of his underwear, having pretty much forgotten about it. The two thousand yen is still there, along with a few hundred yen notes.

“Yeah, I guess so” Haru answers. Yamazaki nods at him, almost as if that's his answer.

“I wouldn't usually throw a guy out just for copping a feel, unless he'd been stingy about it...”

Haru figures Yamazaki is trying to be honest with him about what exactly this employment entails.

“And if he did more than just cop a feel?” Haru asks, figuring most guys would put having their dicks grabbed firmly under the 'molested' category.

“How much more?” Yamazaki asks, his arms unfolding from where they had been crossed over his chest.

“Let's just say he doesn't have to _imagine_ the little this outfit does cover anymore” Haru says in a sarcastic tone.

Yeah, he thinks he's definitely more pissed than hurt.

He can see Yamazaki's jaw working as he thinks for a moment.

“Up to you then, if you want him out. But, I can tell you right now, if you can't handle the occasional client trying for that, then you probably shouldn't be on the lap dance list...” he says, staying almost casual about it. Haru isn't fragile enough to need the 'treading gently' tone, but it does get him thinking.

“A lot of guys quit after the first night, don't they?” Haru asks pointedly.

“Sometimes it only takes one night here to make a guy realize he actually has more options than he thought” Yamazaki says with a tiny hint of a sigh. “Why, you quitting?...”

Haru frowns at him for the implication that he can't take it. He doesn't quite go to a full-on glare though, because Yamazaki was kind enough to not imply that _he_ didn't have any other options.

“No, I'm not quitting” Haru says firmly, wondering when exactly he made that decision... Then he remembers he actually _doesn't_ have any other viable options.

Yamazaki nods at the backstage entrance, “You better get going and put that away then, sometimes fresh, uh, _faces_ , can be popular with the regulars.”

Haru takes that to mean more guys have probably signed up to get a better look at him, and he'll need to hurry up and 'preform his service'... Since he's staying and all. Walking quickly, Haru puts his tips away, and then heads back to the manager. It turns out he has two more sign ups, a fact he supposes he should be vaguely thankful for. He's informed that any guys who aren't requested right away usually work the crowd at the tables, trying to catch someone's eye.

Being pursued, having these men _offer_ their money to him is one thing, but Haru knows for a fact that he is bad at ' selling' himself. So he goes behind the curtains, gives two more lap dances that night, but does not work the crowd.

After Haru's last set on stage, Riki finds him in the back, scrubbing his face of its 'enhancements'.

“So, how you holding out?” the more experienced stripper asks, keeping a polite distance.

“I'm fine” Haru answers in a monotone. Once he finishes drying off, he notices Riki still watching him, evaluating. He decides to go ahead and ask, because he's not sure how to find out otherwise...

“Will they get mad if I don't work the tables in between?” Haru practically stares Riki down with his question. All the other man does is raise an eyebrow at Haru's demeanor.

“Look, they'll give you some leeway, being new. The boss obviously thinks you can make him some money, or he wouldn't have hired you. If you can't cut it though, he'll just find someone else who can...” Riki lets the implication hang there, leaning against the doorway.

“How will I know if I make the cut?” Haru asks him, feeling slightly apprehensive at the thought of being dismissed from something that is so much of a last resort.

“For now, every night _you_ keep coming back means you've made it. If too much time goes by without you showing any improvement, they might say something, but you're just learning right now.”

Learning how to take off his clothes is something Haru never would have guessed he'd be doing at this point in his life. He had assumed he pretty much had that down already. A curt nod is all he gives Riki back as answer, and then he starts gathering up his things. The schedule stops for no man, so Riki heads out to the stage for his own set without any further comment.

At the end of it all, Haru is rather shocked to find his tips add up to almost twenty thousand yen. That will go a long way toward the electricity bill they are currently a month behind on. Suddenly the botched first lap dance fades to the back of his mind as he pictures how much stress this will take off Makoto's shoulders.

With some people it's their eyes, or their tone of voice, but with Makoto it's his shoulders that show his stress the most. They get so tense and weighed down looking sometimes, that Haru has to _make_ Makoto let him message them. Removing the stress that weighs on them in the first place seems like an even better remedy.

Though the massages will probably still continue to happen.

Picturing the muscles of Makoto's broad back under his hands as he walks, Haru has let most of the night fall away from him by the time he gets home. As he's climbing the steps to their apartment, he decides to keep aside some of the cash for himself this time.

When he goes back tomorrow, he should have his own eye and lip products. Nobody likes a mooch, after all.

In the living room there's a small light on, so Haru heads toward it. Makoto has fallen asleep on the couch, book in hand, obviously waiting up for him. Taking the book away and marking it's place, Haru gently wakes his boyfriend. He knows Makoto would be mad if he didn't. Admittedly, part of Haru's daydreaming on the walk home was of Makoto holding him while he falls asleep tonight, and that's not going to work on the couch.

“Haru?... Oh, you're home!” Makoto wakes quickly, pulling him into a hug. The ease with which Haru accepts it might be more telling than he would like.

“Is it ok if I ask how it went right away?” Makoto whispers before they let go.

Haru sighs. He knew Makoto would ask. How well he's prepared himself to deliver these lines is still questionable though.

“The lap dances were...a lot more awkward than I thought they'd be... But I'll get the hang of it” he answers, knowing Makoto deserves a response, but probably can't handle the truth. He'd be so concerned for him that he'd plead with Haru to quit, he's sure of it. Makoto loosens the hug a bit, looking down into Haru's eyes.

Shit.

He should have known better, really...

“Haru...”

“Just, don't ask any more for now, ok? I'm fine, and that's what matters, right?” Haru pretends to huff, and Makoto gets quiet for a minute. Haru decides there's no better way to break the silence than with a wad of cash.

“Here” he says, pulling it out of his pocket, “For the electric bill.”

Makoto's eyes are filled with concern as he holds the yen. Haru can see him choosing his words carefully, picking the ones he wants to say most first, in case Haru shuts down and won't allow any more.

“I'd love you just as much you know, if all you did was just help out with the twins...” Makoto tells him softly, watching Haru's eyes intently for even the smallest inflection in his response.

“But _I_ wouldn't. I mean, for myself” Haru struggles out, “I don't want to be another burden on you, _that's_ what upsets me, not this.” He gestures toward the money in Makoto's hands, daring him to contradict the way Haru's self esteem works. To Makoto's credit he doesn't, or maybe he's just that desperate too, that he's finally willing to let it slide and  believe what Haru says...

“Our situation won't always be like this though” Makoto tells him firmly, tucking the yen away. Haru shrugs, noncommittal.

“I'm serious, Haru, and I meant what I said before. If it gets to be too much, I still want you to quit, even though you made it through tonight.”

It's both a selfless and selfish request on Makoto's part, but Haru knows exactly how to feel about it. He feels loved, which is all a person can really ask for.

“I know. I will” Haru responds, as if Makoto has won and he's bending to his will. They're actually both getting part of what they want, but both giving up something too. So he supposes it all works out in the end. Compromise and all that. Haru gets the ease of mind knowing Makoto has enough to keep the lights on. Plus he gets to fall asleep with those strong arms around him that night, just like he wanted.

The thing he actually feels most while falling asleep, is determination.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Haru arrives for his second night of employment feeling a little more settled, now that he knows what to expect. Not any _better_ about it, but just...more prepared. When he checks over the set list though, to see what time he needs to be ready, he doesn't see his name jumping out at him. Then he notices 'Riki' listed, and realizes they must use their stage names for _everything_ while on shift.

As the boss is passing by, Haru asks him what time he's going on tonight. After raising an eyebrow, the man looks over to the schedule and points out the second slot.

“You're on for the second, ninth, fifteenth and twenty-first sets, kid” he tells him, his hand moving down the list as he goes. Haru blinks at the paper, and then his eyes go wide.

Shit.

“Wait, I _cannot_ strip under that name” he says urgently, glancing back to where the boss's finger is still resting over the name ' Rin'.

The boss frowns at him, as if he's being incredibly difficult.

“Look kid, I thought you were one who said you didn't care what name you used?” he questions.

“But I didn't think you'd pick _that_ ” Haru can feel his chest tightening anxiously, even though he's not entirely sure why. It probably has to do with tarnishing Rin's name or something. Or the fact that Haru's connection with Yamazaki, however minor, means _he'll know_. Which would mean Rin could feasibly _find out_ one day. 

Yeah, no thanks.

The boss squints his eyes at Haru, then pulls out a pen.

“Fine kid, then give me another one,  _now_ .”

Haru's mind reels, more from being put on the spot than anything else.

“...Um...Aki” he blurts out, because his mind is betraying him by remaining blank to all but the names of people he knows or has known in the past. It seems the one least likely of ever coming back to bite him, since he hasn't spoken to her since middle school.

Of course, his luck would be to run into her on Makoto's campus or something out of the blue now... But he can't let himself focus on silly things like chances of fate at the moment. Besides, he could always say it was just assigned to him and he had no choice... It's only Yamazaki's position of  _knowing better_ that makes him unable to use such an excuse for Rin's name. Not that he  _wants_ to strip under that one. He just doesn't want any drama, really. Not now, not ever.

The only interaction he ends up having with Yamazaki that night is about halfway through his shift. The burly bouncer happens to be posted at the door leading backstage when Haru is taking a moment to secure his tips.

“I was wondering if you'd make them change it...” Yamazaki says casually as Haru passes, still looking out over the crowd. It's probably a trick of the light that makes it seem like he's smiling. He doesn't seem to be expecting much of a response, so Haru just nods and keeps walking,  _hoping_ he's not blushing, since his cheeks suddenly feel warm. It's almost disconcerting to him, that he reacts to Yamazaki as if they know each other. Maybe it's just because they know so much about each other's friends... Or maybe because the man has actually been acting decent toward him.

That night Haru earns about the same in tips that he did the night before, even though he worked over twice as long. Riki explains to him that since tomorrow is Monday, it's to be expected. Not as many people come in to drink and carouse until the wee hours when they have to go to work the next the morning.

Well, at least no one tried to grab his dick tonight.

Haru contemplates how his standards seem to be guiding lower and lower lately as he walks home.

The small light in the living room is on again when he gets there, but Makoto has passed out in a slightly different position this time. He's stretched out on the cushions, with the book laying over his chest, glasses still resting on his nose. Haru takes them off his face before waking him, noticing how peaceful he looks while sleeping.

Younger, almost.

They're not old enough to be having moments of looking younger yet, Haru thinks.

He gently runs his fingers through Makoto's hair for a minute. Haru also wonders to himself, why he didn't notice everyone else's expectations  _for himself_ slowly getting lower and lower too. Even Makoto doesn't seem to think that Haru should be expected,  _able_ , to do more than basic housework, cooking, entertaining the twins... Never once has he asked that Haru contribute half financially, being the only other adult in the household. 

Something inside Haru wants to not just surprise him, but prove him wrong. Well, maybe not Makoto specifically, but 'everyone'. He's been on the 'not doing enough' end of the spectrum for so long, that the thought of him actually putting out effort, of him coming through for all of them in this hard time... Well, it seems surreal, even to himself.

He could do it though.

And maybe  _that's_ it, where his new found drive to  _try_ is coming from. He's cared about them deeply, about Makoto and the twins, for a long time. He might not have another chance to be of real help to them though. Not if he keeps going along the way he had been before.

Haru realizes belatedly that Makoto's eyes are open now, and he's watching him space out while stroking his hair.

“Hey, time for bed” Haru says softly, clearing his throat just a bit. Makoto nods, his smile full of joy in getting to see the brief moment of 'shields down' from his love. Haru doesn't say anything about it, just helps pull him up, holding onto Makoto's hand as they head to the bedroom.

“Here” Haru pulls out what he earned, intending to stick it in Makoto's wallet. “It's not much more than last night, but...” he shrugs, trailing off because he doesn't really want to explain the dynamics of it to him.

“Haru... You know you don't have to give your money to me every night, right?” Makoto says, sounding too firm for this to be a comment from off the top of his head, especially considering his sleepy state.

“It... I don't know, makes me feel like you're 'reporting back' to me or something... I don't like it” he elaborates, pushing the bills back.

At first Haru just looks down at them in his hands, but he meets Makoto's gaze with a questioning, almost daring stance.

“But I  _want_ to  _help_ , that's the whole point. I'm a grown man, I  _should_ contribute” he says with more of an edge to his voice than he meant for there to be. Makoto's eyes widen a little, and he puts his hands on Haru's shoulders.

“No, Haru, that's not what I meant at all. Your name is on the lease here, same as mine, I know that. I just meant, if you want it to be used to pay the electric bill, then you could just, you know, pay the electric bill. You don't have to give it to me to do it... ...You're perfectly capable of doing it on your own...” Makoto adds that last part more gently, seeing how Haru's face is softening as he goes along.

If Haru was one of those overly emotional people, like Rin, he might just cry at how perfectly Makoto knows and can see into him at all times. But he's not Rin, or stripping under his name, thankfully, so he manages to keep it together.

“Ok, Makoto, I can do that” he replies, taking a deep, calming breath. Haru is rewarded with a giant smile, soft kisses, and plenty of cuddling when they do get in bed.

Getting home this late each night will mean a lot less opportunity for sex before turning in. Haru is fine falling asleep with Makoto curled around his back for now. He  _will_ have to find a way to make him stop trying to wait up for him though... Makoto is too close to graduating to have all his hard work undermined by falling grades from lack of sleep...

The next morning, Haru tries just addressing the issue directly, which is his usual method once he's decided on something.

“You'll wear yourself out. You need your sleep to be up early for class” Haru argues when Makoto balks.

“But you get up at the same time we do, to make breakfast and see us off” Makoto counters.

“I can take a nap if I need to, once you're all at school. You need to be alert all day” Haru reminds him. Makoto reaches out slowly, and takes his hand, interlocking their fingers together.

“I just...need to see you when you get home, ok? That you're alright, that you made it safe, and all that...” Makoto rubs his thumb over the skin of Haru's hand as he speaks. Even though Haru doesn't like the implication that he should naturally be worried over, he understands it's just how Makoto is.

“Look... How about you 'wait' in bed, and I'll just wake you up for a minute when I get home” he offers. It's not a perfect compromise, because it still means Makoto's REM sleep is being broken. But Haru knows he can't force Makoto not to be concerned for him.

“You promise you'll wake me up?” Makoto asks.

“I promise” Haru assures him.

“Every night?”

“Makoto...”

“Alright, alright, sorry... I know you will.”

 

For the rest of the week, Haru keeps waking Makoto up to kiss him goodnight, and they settle into a relative pattern. Haru also starts simply paying whatever seems most urgent in their line up of expenses himself. He has to admit, it feels good. Not that he's necessarily _proud_ or anything, of _how_ he got the money, but he gets an encouraging lift to his spirits that he hadn't been expecting.

Haru even has a small moment of thinking the absolutely silly thought that maybe he could pay all of Makoto's bills eventually...

“Hey, just a heads up” Riki leans in, ostensibly checking his own makeup behind Haru in the mirror. He has plenty of time left to get ready, but finds the interruption bothersome just in general. Pausing with the eyeliner held away from his lid, Haru looks up gruffly, not playing along with the casual tone. Riki smiles at him, shaking his head a bit, as if he should have known better than to try.

“Look, I get it, _Aki_ , you didn't come here to make friends. None of us did. In fact, most guys are in a pretty bad place in their lives when they get here. That's understandable. All I'm trying to do is make sure we have the best show possible, alright?”

Haru raises an eyebrow at that, feeling as if he's about to be chastised or something.

Well, forget that. He's doing the best he can here. He's wearing _make up_ , for crying out loud. Wasn't Riki the one who said they would cut him some slack in the beginning?... Haru doesn't say any of that out loud, but Riki catches on to the stiffening of Haru's spine as well as anyone.

“I'm guessing you weren't the kind of person who'd gone to a lot of strip clubs before this, so I'll clue you in. When a guy wants to go blow money on booze and looking at tight asses all night, he's going to choose the club that has the greatest variety of good dancers. I can be phenomenal, blow all the other guys here out of the water, but if I'm the _only_ memorable act, guys aren't even going to _come in_ in the first place. Not for one stellar show and then a bunch of so-so guys. Do you see what I'm saying? So it benefits _all_ of us for the club to have a reputation for having a lot of _skilled_ _entertainment_ ” Riki pointedly does not look at Haru in their reflection while he's talking, pretending to examine his already perfect application of product.

Haru looks down though, not liking what he's hearing, but not really able to argue with Riki either.

“So the heads up is, you need a routine, Aki. Not just the same haphazard stuff you've been getting by with. And, you need a new one each week, if you're shooting for being a _draw_. Why would a guy come in again if everyone is doing the same dances, same songs as the weekend before?” Riki questions him.

Haru sighs, letting the breath leave him tensely, through his nose. He thinks for a moment about all the effort he's already gone to, and the rewards for it that he's already tasted.

Mostly, he thinks about the money.

“Ok, fine” he says, dejection and determination making an odd combination in his voice. Riki seems pleased with it though.

“Good. And for your cooperative attitude, I'll share a little secret with you” Riki finally looks at him, though it's in the glass, not directly. “You're not the same person on that stage as you are when you're at home. None of us are. So, go with it. Pick an angle, pick a persona that will give coherence to your act, and work _it_ around _that_.”

Haru blinks at him, pretty sure he gets what Riki's saying. The problem is though, he's not an actor.

“I suck at that kind of stuff” Haru hears himself saying. He sounds petulant, even to his own ears. But he's tired of constantly having the bar raised on him, and he's not in as firm of control as normal. Riki frowns and turns to him, leaving the mirror for a moment.

“You're already halfway there, _Aki_ , unless you're telling me that your normal, base personality is one that would just jump on a pole for fun to begin with” Riki says disbelievingly, almost patronizingly so.

“It's not. I just, I don't know... I turn 'myself' _off_ when I do that” Haru doesn't really want to get into an argument right now, so he shrugs to try and take some of the upset tone out of his voice. Riki is surprisingly quiet for a moment, and Haru can't help but glance over at him. There's no question in his mind that Riki is sort of the unofficial leader of the strippers here, has the most experience...is probably the oldest of them too...

“Then what you need to do, is decide what trappings you're going to put on the shell that's left behind when you do that. Otherwise, you're not going to make it here.” Riki says seriously.

For some reason, Haru suddenly wonders how much of 'Riki' is just the shell he's seeing too, even here backstage...

“It might do you better in the long run like that anyway,” Riki takes a deep breath and seems to steady himself, looking at his reflection in the mirror again, “You can put up with more, last longer, if you know how to switch off, not let it affect you.”

It's a sad, almost horrifying logic, if you're someone who cares about that kind of thing.

Haru knows Makoto would be in quiet tears at the injustice of the world, if he had just heard Riki say that. But as it is, Haru has already started to realize that sometimes you have to be hard like that, callous almost, to survive in life. He would never invalidate the decision Riki's made, which is really the same one he has himself, by commenting on the 'sadness' of it.

Besides, it's not like he doesn't already know.

Haru looks at Riki in the reflection and nods, but Riki doesn't meet his gaze. The older man leaves unceremoniously after that, though it isn't quite time for his set yet.

Going back to putting on his eyeliner, Haru wonders what it would be like to live _so much_ of his life switched off like that. He also decides he should probably invest in a few other pieces of makeup, if _variety_ is what he's supposed to be going for. He doesn't feel bad for Riki, because he doesn't want Riki's _pity_ either. But he does feel begrudgingly grateful for the advice, even though he didn't want it, didn't ask for the wake up call.

Since he doesn't have a whole lot else to work with, Haru just curves his eyeliner into a little bit of a tail on each side, and hopes it's good enough for now.

 

The making up of an actual routine, and having to listen to a lot of pop/dance type music that he never would normally, is a hassle. At least keeping it from Makoto isn't too difficult. Obviously his boyfriend knows about what Haru is doing at night, but let's just say being caught _practicing_ is not on Haru's bucket list.

Thus he waits until everyone is off at school, usually after taking a long bath/nap, to do anything of the sort. He borrows Ran's radio, making sure to never mess with her presets, or leave any other clues as to his having used it. Maybe someday, they'll be able to afford mp3 players again, but this is the best he can do right now. Haru listens for a couple of hours, finding songs that have good rhythms and practicing combinations of moves.

It would be easier if he had an actual pole to work on too... Come to think of it, he does remember being told that the poles backstage could be used to practice. He had just figured once he had the basics down, that was enough, and hadn't bothered with anything more.

When he tells Makoto later, that he needs to go in early to “work on some stuff”, Haru blushes at the comprehension he sees in Makoto's eyes. Haru pushes it down quickly though.

They have come up with an excuse for the twins, that he's working nights stocking shelves. So when they pout that he's leaving earlier than normal, all he says is that his shift got changed a little. The two of them are distracted enough by being in the middle of looking at the brochure for their upcoming camp though, that they don't push the issue too much.

Haru can see the question hiding in Makoto's eyes, brought on by the camping topic and then building up, layers of stress settling over his shoulders.

“Don't worry, I'll still have time to go get it” he says firmly, so that Makoto doesn't have to ask.

The thankfulness in Makoto's eyes is not quite as bright as it would have been in the past, but it's been getting better over the years.

“Ah, thanks, Haru-chan. I would take off class if you couldn't, but...”

Haru remembers a time when Makoto always finished all of his sentences.

It's ok though. With Haru, he doesn't have to.

 

The next week after that, Haru heads for the train station when he is done with his line up, instead of going home. They can't afford a plane ticket, that would defeat the purpose of his going. So this is the only way he has enough time to get to Iwatobi and back before his next shift starts. He plans to, and does, sleep on the train for most of the ride there. The timer on his phone goes off right as calls for the exit that would take him to Samezuka sound out.

Only two more stops left to go then.

Haru makes himself busy working out all the kinks and knots from sleeping on a train seat, to pass the remaining time. When he finally is standing on the old familiar platform, he texts Makoto to let him know he's made it ok.

He should feel more nostalgic about this, he thinks. But he can't help the feeling of queasiness that forms in his stomach as he walks. Makoto replies back with a short 'Thanks, Haru-chan', leaving it at that. It's more than Haru expected, honestly.

It's around noon on a Thursday, so the residential streets are fairly quiet. Haru keeps his head down, not needing to look around to know where he's going, when to turn, what steps to climb. If he doesn't look, then it's not real. He's back in high school, just coming home from visiting Rin or something...

He can't escape the permanence of the true situation though, once he reaches his old house. All the shutters are drawn, doors locked, sidewalk dusty. It's sealed up tight, like a storage unit. Or a coffin. Maybe it's a little of both now, holding all the memories of the families they once loved so much...

Haru sighs as he unlocks the door, and corrects himself mentally. They _still_ love them, both Makoto's parents and Haru's grandmother. As uncomfortable as it is to him, being surrounded by all this dead people's stuff, Haru is glad he thought to volunteer for this. Makoto could never have handled it. Not yet. Maybe not for a long, long time still.

Digging around in the laundry room, Haru finds the massive bundle of camping equipment that the Tachibana's had.

After the accident, when the bank took the Tachibana's house, Haru hadn't even asked. He just started packing things up and carrying them down the street while Makoto was still in shock. So he knows where pretty much everything is, because it's hardly been touched since. There are almost two households worth of stuff crammed in here, but Haru has doubts as to much of it ever being used again.

He dusts off the large pack and drags it out to the living room, using the small amount of space left in there to sort through it. Everything seems to be in order. In all honesty, the only reason Ren and Ran had even had the _possibility_ of getting to go on this trip was because this science camp thing was actual _camping_. No cabins or fancy activities. It was billed as a more 'realistic' experience for the kids, but all Haru and Makoto had heard was _cheaper_.

Haru is glad they're getting to go, even if it meant making this trip for him.

As he's locking the place back up, Haru thinks about their tentative plans before, to move back here after Makoto graduates. He _seriously_ doubts that is going to happen now. That was supposed to be part of the relief of graduation though, not having to pay rent in the city anymore...

Suddenly Haru realizes he's standing on the sidewalk, staring forlornly at the Tachibana's old house, when he hadn't even meant to look at it at all.

...It looks the same...

Happy and cheerful, like someone with a lot of love in their hearts lives there...

Or maybe it's just Haru's imagination.

Now that he is looking though, he can't tear his eyes away.

The front door.

How many times had he walked through it without knocking? Slipped off his shoes in that genkan?

The window on the top floor.

It used to lead to Makoto's room. Haru is nearly overcome with the urge to walk through that door, run up the stairs and into that bedroom...

But it wouldn't be the same.

It wouldn't be Makoto's.

It wouldn't have his bed and desk, the TV with a tangle of video game controllers beneath it.

It would be full of strangers, even though the walls were familiar.

Calling on the last of his willpower, Haru finally turns away, adjusting the pack on his shoulders and walking quickly down the street. More than anything, he wants to get back to the man that had made all those memories precious, and away from the stuff that called them up.

If Makoto never wanted to come back to Iwatobi at all actually, Haru would understand.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Haru makes up his mind that Makoto will never be forced to return to their old town and all that pain if he doesn't want to. Which means Haru needs to be making enough money that living rent free is not a deal breaker once the school year ends. It's all a very logical chain of reasoning in his head. But he can't explain any of that to the sales clerk who just asked him if he _needs help finding anything_ while trying on heels in the woman’s section of the shoe store.

It's too late not to blush, so Haru does the only thing he can think of, and switches the 'caring' part of himself off. Mostly, anyway. It's the only way he can say what comes out of his mouth next.

“These are kind of plain. Do you have anything else in this size?” he asks, face mostly blank. He really doesn't want to spend hours poking around only to not find what he's looking for.

“Oh, uh, something... More formal?” the clerk tries, seeming put out of sorts by Haru's nonchalance.

“I was thinking more like stripper than dinner date” he tells her flatly, looking down at the shoes in question again. There's really no point in lying, or sugar coating things for this complete stranger. Hell, she may not even jump to the conclusion that he actually _is_ a stripper from that. He's probably just being pegged as a gay guy with kinky sex life... Which, well, maybe that's not _better_ per say... But Haru just looks back at her expectantly, because she's the one getting paid to deal with this situation, after all.

He leaves the store with the tallest pair of heels they offer. Ones that are shiny and black and make his feet look slightly dangerous, if he's being honest. Like he could seduce and then murder you, and you wouldn't complain. He thinks that's about the right effect.

Now he just has to learn to actually _walk_ in them.

He's timed this purchase very carefully, because early tomorrow morning, the twins leave for their camp. They'll be gone for a total of eight days, so Haru plans to learn this the only way he knows how. By diving in. If he wears them all day around the house for a week before trying a show in them, he figures he should be fine. In the back of his mind, he wonders what kind of response they will get from Makoto... But he doesn't let himself dwell on it, in case it isn't as enthusiastic as Haru is hoping. Even to Haru himself, who doesn't normally care about that kind of thing, they _do_ make his ass look amazing.

After they get done dropping off the twins the next morning, Makoto surprises him by suggesting they go out for coffee. It's just a little thing, and they both get small, fairly plain varieties, but it means a lot. Even though Haru's been working at his new job for almost a month, they haven't been spending money on anything that isn't necessary. Haru actually has money in his account that doesn't need to be spent _immediately_ on anything.

He still knows what he has to do though.

And it involves taking off his pants and stepping into a pair of heels as soon as they get home. Haru hasn't gotten to look at himself in the heels without clothes on yet. He can tell right away he made the right decision with buying this particular pair though. His legs look longer, slightly more defined and elegant. Haru doesn't kid himself about what he's trying to accomplish here. Sex sells. Literally.

“Makoto?” he calls in a questioning tone, as if his boyfriend isn't going to come right away at the sound of his voice.

“Yes, Haru? I was just about to head back to campus, I know I told my professor I'd probably miss class with dropping the tw-”

Makoto is practically talking a mile a minute as he enters the bedroom, but it's cut short by the sight that awaits him.

“You know how you said in the beginning, that you were sorry you missed it?...” Haru prompts, walking slowly, very slowly, toward him on the new heels.

Makoto doesn't answer.

His mouth is hanging open, and he looks _stunned_.

“I'm trying something new, so, I thought I'd show you _first_ ” Haru whispers in his ear, leaning toward him, but not touching just yet.

Makoto swallows hard, his hands coming up to rest on Haru's hips. His palms are warm on Haru's cool skin, making him shiver. Or maybe it's just the look in Makoto's eyes.

“Ah, ah, no touching...” Haru says, shaking his head and gently sliding Makoto's hands off him. His boyfriend looks surprised, and even more so when Haru pulls him over to the bed, sitting him down.

“You're wearing heels” Makoto says, staring decidedly at Haru's lower half even though he's mostly used to the g-string now.

“I'm breaking them in this week at home, before trying to wear them at work” Haru replies, lifting one as if he's about to step up onto the bed, but placing it between Makoto's legs instead.

“But... I have class...” Makoto says, breathless. Haru can't help the small smirk that plays over his lips at hearing that.

“I know. It's ok, I'll have them on _all day_.”

Makoto looks up at him, his gaze obviously following the line of Haru's leg up to his face.

“Well, I mean, I guess I could miss _one_ time... Since I already warned them about today...” Makoto blushes, looking hopeful, as if he needs Haru's permission to cut class.

“Hm, convenient...” Haru hums, seeming to weigh it over. He probably shouldn't be trying this first off, but he removes his heel from between Makoto's legs, and raises it even higher. Resting his foot on Makoto's shoulder, he knows exactly the visual it creates when he angles his hips just _so_. A nice little view of where his g-string disappears to.

“I guess... Since you warned them...” he replies, running his hands over his own thighs almost as if stretching. He takes his foot off Makoto's shoulder before the poor guy has a heart attack, and moves to straddle his lap next.

Of course _that's_ the point his stance chooses to waver with the unsure footing though. Makoto reaches for him right away, as if he'd catch his fall, but Haru manages to recover it. He sits down over Makoto's lap just a touch sheepishly after that, burying his head in his boyfriend's neck.

“I've never really worn them before, sorry” he mumbles, hoping he didn't just ruin the mood.

“It's ok” Makoto says quickly, soothingly. Haru feels a thumb rubbing over his ankle, so he kisses the side of Makoto's neck.

“But the 'no touching' thing, can that be over soon?” Makoto asks, and Haru can practically _hear_ him biting his lip in anticipation.

“You're not supposed to touch during the lap dances, only I can” Haru says firmly, leaning back with his confidence regained. Makoto's eyes are wide, and the thumb quickly withdraws as he nods in agreement.

Haru actually likes that there's no music. It makes it seem just that much different from when he does this at the club. He slides his arms along Makoto's neck as he leans closer, keeping them straight, elbows locked. Haru stops with their faces just _millimeters_ away from each other, lips almost brushing. Then he starts moving his hips, slow and sweet against Makoto's thighs. His boyfriend's breath comes out in a soft moan against his face.

Not giving him a chance to get bored, or alternatively, too aroused at once, Haru shifts positions a moment later. Normally he'd dance more in front of him first, but with the newness of the heels, that's not such a good idea. Haru draws back, watching Makoto's eyes as he takes in each sensation. Turning around, he decides he's steady enough to hover over Makoto's lap, ass in the air and legs spread. He rolls his body, so that his hips give a little snap right in front of Makoto's face, and he looks over his shoulder to see the response.

His boyfriend looks like he's forgotten how to breathe for a moment.

Perfect.

Haru continues to taunt him in the air for two, three more rolls of his hips, jutting them in a different direction each time. But he wants to see Makoto's face again, so eventually he turns around. Straddling him much more closely this time, Haru presses their chests together. He rubs the entire front of his body slowly down Makoto's torso, before retracing his way back up. Makoto breathes sharp and heavy in his ear, already _very_ turned on. When Haru presses their crotches together, he's fully expecting the firmness there.

A small moan escapes his own lips, because _this_ cock he loves feeling against him, especially inside him. He could easily get lost in the feeling of just rutting against Makoto... Haru isn't quite willing to end it like this though, so he controls himself.

Sort of, anyway.

He switches back to having his ass toward Makoto, but rubs it in slow circles right over his length this time. Haru has never been hard himself while doing this before, and it's kind of infuriating, having to _wait_. Looking down, he notices his erection is straining so badly against the tiny scrap of fabric, that it's about to burst. He groans, louder this time, and Makoto answers him with a husky rendition of his name.

“ _H-Haaaru_...”

Knowing they're close to their limits here, Haru gets up and pushes Makoto back against the bed, shocking him. Haru wastes no time though, placing his knees on either side of Makoto's body and _grinding_ their erections together. A long, low moan erupts from his pinned lover's throat, and Haru smirks, dipping down to bite at it.

“Oh god... Haru... This... This isn't part of a normal lap dance, is it?” Makoto asks him, sounding torn.

Haru can feel warm hands sliding up his skin, stroking his legs lovingly, caressing his ass almost _reverently_...

“This stopped being a normal lap dance a _while_ ago” Haru answers huskily. He's never even been turned on by giving one before, certainly not offered these things of his own volition.

“...So, can I touch you now?” Makoto asks, his voice almost pleading.

Haru chuckles.

“You already are...” Haru replies, squeezing his cheeks under Makoto's grip as if to emphasize. His boyfriend blushes, looking guilty, and Haru pulls himself up just a bit to be able to kiss him. Makoto's hands become much more insistent, and Haru feels fingers slipping under his g-string, pulling on the fabric. It only slides down enough to free up the access to his hole though, not relieve his erection.

“Haru-chan... Can I ask you something, uh, kind of... Unusual?...” Makoto doesn't stop the exploration with his fingers as he speaks. Haru only nods in agreement, because he can hazard a guess as to what it will be.

“I want to fuck you in those heels” Makoto whispers to him, his voice low and needy. As he says the word 'fuck', his finger presses forward, breaching Haru's entrance. Haru feels a rare _thrill_ of excitement run up and down his body when that happens, making him shiver.

Ok, so maybe he _is_ that kinky gay guy in addition to being a stripper...

“Yes” he moans, his aching manhood beginning to leave a wet spot on the front of his underwear. Then suddenly Makoto is pulling the fabric off completely, exposing him, leaving him naked in nothing but the high heels. Haru probably shouldn't think of the scrap of a piece of underwear as that much of a line, of a barrier, but he can't help it. He's not used to having it removed from him. But one glance down remedies his conditioning.

Makoto's eyes are filled with admiration and love, thanking him in advance for going along with this. Haru is so thankful himself, that he wants to do something special in return for Makoto's _genuine_ _affection_.

“Take this off...” Haru tells him, pulling up Makoto's shirt.

As soon as Makoto's hand is free of it, he goes back to burying a finger as deep as he can in Haru's ass.

It's difficult, but Haru undoes Makoto's belt and pants all while being stretched hungrily. Two fingers are in him now, pushing and prodding, making Haru need to press back against them, roll his hips in time with the motions.

“Let me ride you” he asks suddenly, more of a demand than a request. Makoto licks his lips at the beautiful way Haru moaned that out, perfectly willing to go along with the idea. Haru sits back a little so that the rest of Makoto's clothes can be pushed to the floor. He's done with this whole anticipation thing, he just needs Makoto's cock inside him _now_.

He looks at the thick piece of perfection twitching in front of him, and gives a small groan of frustration. He wants to sink down over it, feel it inside him...but he knows he's not quite stretched enough, and he doesn't like the mess it makes without a condom.

“Shhh, shhh, Haru-chan, it's ok” Makoto suddenly has lubed fingers up inside him again, working him, loosening him. His free hand presses a condom into Haru's palm, and Haru tears it open, hands practically shaking. He aligns the little ring of plastic over Makoto's tip, and gently rolls it down, making sure it's on securely before lubing him up. He's pretty much stroking him through the latex after that, writhing on the three digits Makoto has curling inside him.

“Ok, ok, Haru, you can, come up here” Makoto pants, urging Haru to let go of pumping his erection, in favor of other actions now.

Haru crawls up him, _sex_ written all over his features, and pushes him flat against the mattress. Makoto doesn't complain when his erection is grabbed a touch harshly, and Haru sinks down around him by feel alone. A strangled grunt comes out of Haru's mouth, head thrown back as he basks in the feeling of being _filled_ , filled to the _brim_.

“Oh god...” Makoto groans, drinking in the sight of Haru's shattered defenses, letting his need, his want, lay bare for him. He knows beyond a doubt, that no matter what Haru is doing for his job, _no one_ else gets to see him like this.

Haru's head rolls forward, eyes closed, still looking lost in the moment. His eyes snap open when Makoto suddenly lifts his hips off the mattress, making the press inside just a little bit deeper. A soft “Ah” of sensation escapes Haru, and he looks down at the man causing it with an accusing glance.

“Sorry” Makoto says unconvincingly, doing it again.

Haru puts his hands on Makoto's stomach, leaning forward a little, and slowly pulls his leg out from it's kneeling position. When his right heel is level with Makoto's shoulder, he uncurls the left as well, slowly placing it so his legs make a V on either side.

While certainly interested in where Haru is going with this position, Makoto can't help but give one more jerking lift of his hips. Especially when all Haru's weight is firmly resting over him _right there_ , over his shaft. Another beautiful, startled noise escapes the smaller man, but he _still_ doesn't admonish Makoto.

Not that Makoto is afraid or anything, but when he looks up into Haru's eyes, the message he gets is, 'don't worry, I'll have my revenge soon'.

And Haru does.

Bending his knees, he places a heel against the bed on either side of Makoto's chest, and leans back, resting his weight on his hands, one on each of Makoto's thighs behind him.

“You wanted to see the heels, right?” Haru says, a hint of _winning_ in his voice, and he knows it. Then he slowly flexes his body, raising up off Makoto's dick about halfway, before rocking his hips back down, engulfing it again.

“ _Oh fuck_ ” Makoto curses, biting his lower lip as he watches Haru's legs tense and flex with the effort. Taking the invitation, Makoto runs his hands around Haru's ankles, up his calves, strokes the insides of his thighs as their muscles work his body up and down, up and down over him.

Haru has always been lithe...graceful...more _flexible_ than Makoto in general. Since very nearly their first time together though, Haru's _thing_ has mostly been Makoto coming right up to the edge of manhandling him. Or at least it feels that way to Makoto, being the gentler of them...

Then when Haru started this line of work, Makoto could see him becoming even _more_ limber...but he hesitated to _ask_ for anything. Makoto felt like he would be the worst kind of jerk in the world, to have his boyfriend take up such a desperate position, all to help _him_ , and then try to _take advantage_ of it.

But if Haru is going to offer, he isn't going to refuse.

Haru's head rests against his own shoulder, able to be supported because of the angle his arms are at behind him. His mouth hangs slightly open as he wantonly rides Makoto's shaft. His rhythm falters though, when he feels Makoto's palm wrap around his erection. He glances down, blinking, because they both knew he doesn't need that to cum. Just Makoto buried as far up his ass as he can go will do it for him.

Their rhythm synchs soon, and Haru begins panting, straining into the dual sensation, to reach his completion.

Then suddenly his foot slips, and in addition to breaking the build-up, a loud ripping sound startles them both, making them freeze. The point of Haru's heel tears a gash in the sheets, and he stares at it for a moment, dazed.

“Are you ok? Your ankle?” Makoto asks right away, placing a hand on the leg as if to help. Haru nods, starting to blush, and looks away from Makoto's gaze while untangling it.

“Good... _Hurry, Haru_ ” Makoto breathes out, rocking his hips back and forth. Haru looks down to him then, his face registering a mild surprise.

What did he think, that Makoto would somehow not want to finish this anymore because of a little slip? Did he not remember both of their awkward fumblings in the beginning of their relationship? Makoto knew it wasn't intentional, but in that moment he saw a split second of something in Haru that he never had before.

As soon as Haru's foot is free, Makoto sits up, letting himself slip out of his boyfriend's tight heat for just a second. Then he stands, taking Haru with him, mostly for the effect of the surprise. He scolds Haru with his eyes, for ever letting himself believe he needed to be _perfect_ for Makoto. Before Haru can get out a word of either question or contradiction, Makoto turns back to the bed and lands them both down on it again, _forcefully_.

He hears the tiny noise Haru involuntarily makes underneath him, one of intense arousal, and wastes no time slipping back in, between his legs, where he belongs.

“Is this ok, Haru-chan?” he asks, voice deep and purring as he takes hold of Haru's knees, moving to pin them back against his chest. Haru's eyes are wide, and he nods vigorously, letting Makoto press against him, bend him in two until he's wound so tightly that his feet are over Makoto's shoulders. This is almost the exact opposite position as before for Haru, in terms of freedom of movement, and his body quivers with the knowledge. Makoto starts finishing him off with a fast, hard pace that Haru usually has to _earnestly request_ first.

“Oh _god_ , Makoto...”

“Haru, _Haru..._ ”

Their faces are right there, each of their exclamations being offered directly to the other. Haru could kiss him if he didn't care so much about breathing. The pleasure is unbelievable like this, Makoto so deep inside him that it's almost frightening. But it's hot as _hell_ first and foremost.

When Haru cums, it's so much, almost _too_ much, and his body feels like it's going to break apart as its every muscle spasms. Only Makoto above him keeps him grounded, keeps him real. His weight, the force of his thrusts continuing right through Haru's orgasm, it all draws it out, but at the same time keeps him sane.

It doesn't prevent him from crying out more intensely than he probably ever has before though. Haru can feel it coming up out of his chest, the _almost_ scream as his groin tightens, spilling over his stomach as _sounds_ spill over his lips. He turns his head to the side, but knows it won't do any good to contain it. Makoto has already seen, already heard, he already _knows_ what he does to him.

 

That week, they have so much sex that Haru seriously considers coming up with a comment about how Makoto is going to sprain something... Except for the fact that Haru completely loves how much Makoto wants him, with or without the heels. Making dick jokes really isn't his style anyway.

The first night he decides to try them out at work, he draws a bit of an audience while practicing it on the pole backstage.

“You know how long a broken ankle takes to heal?” Riki asks him, watching with a calculating gaze. A few of the other guys have gathered around as well, and Haru takes the time to flawlessly land after his 'Chinese Flag' before answering.

“I wouldn't try it if I didn't think I could pull it off” he tells him seriously.

“Oh? Have a lot of experience with heels?” Riki grins, teasing. Haru starts his stretches for the splits he's been working up toward next.

“I have enough” he replies, not meeting Riki's gaze.

“It _is_ a good look for you, Aki” one of the other guys says appreciatively, though Haru knows he doesn't mean it in _that_ way. Backstage, a compliment is just a compliment, not _innuendo_ like it is on the floor.

“Thanks” Haru says a little too curtly, because he's still not that used to actually interacting with the others. Once he figured out that most of them were not, in fact, sex crazed nymphos like they appeared, it got easier though. Haru knows that's the image his own 'bottom, tease, with a hint of undercover hit man' persona gives off too, but he doesn't really care what most people think of him.

Haru pauses in his practice, because that ridiculous description was _not_ one he thought of, but that Riki put into words for him. He sighs, because he's been having trouble getting it out of his head for some reason. He's not going to debate anybody on the bottom thing, because he can at least be that honest with himself... But he's hardly a _tease_... Haru guesses he shouldn't let it bother him at all in reality, because it's just the facade, it really isn't _him_ at all...

“Well, we'll let the boss know to have one of the bouncers stick close for your show, in case they have to carry you back” Riki smiles as if Haru is young and there's no controlling his impulses. It's slightly condescending, at least, it would be if there wasn't an actual chance of Riki's prediction coming true. Haru is confident in his ability to be careful though.

“Do what you have to do” is all Haru says back, continuing with his run through.

When he walks out on to the stage for his set, before he removes any clothing or even gets to the pole, the whistling starts. Haru's never felt like he's gotten _less_ attention or tips than the average guy, but this is definitely more enthusiasm than he's received before. Men tuck an awful lot of bills into his attire, even into the arch of the heels themselves. There are also a lot more roaming hands than normal, but it's mostly over his ankles and calves. Practically a non-issue, in Haru's mind.

When he leaves the pole, Haru discovers for the first time that he is booked solid with lap dances until his next set. He passes Riki on the floor as he heads for the curtains, and he swears he sees him mouth “One down...” to him, knowing Haru has three more sets left to get through. Sometimes Haru can't tell if the guy is encouraging him, or trying to rile him, honestly...

By the end of the night, Haru's feet are killing him.

He made it without breaking anything though, namely his own bones, and gave an astounding _twenty six_ lap dances. Almost double his normal number in one night. The commission portion of them he doesn't get right now, those get paid out on his actual paychecks... But if he counts that with his tips as what he's earned tonight, he just made _over_ a hundred thousand yen.

Complete shock runs through him, just sitting there staring at the money for a minute. He notices Riki and a couple other guys come through, having finished changing too.

“Have a good night, Aki?” Riki looks just fine with having been proven wrong about the whole 'taking a spill' thing. In fact, he almost seems proud even, as if he had a hand in boosting Haru to his current success... Since Riki kind of _did_ , even if not in direct relation to the heel thing, Haru doesn't bristle. He's as friendly as he can let himself be, given the overall situation.

“Yeah... They told me when I was hired though, that I wouldn't necessarily make this kind of money...” he looks to Riki for confirmation, actually _engaging_ in a conversation for once. Riki smiles at him with far too much knowing, accepting the change in Haru's demeanor gracefully.

“Not first starting out, no... But now you know how some guys can afford things like med school and law degrees with this. You get what you put into it” Riki winks at him. Haru nods, and does his best to tell himself there's no guarantee he'd earn this much _every_ night in heels. It could be just a fluke. Once the newness wears off, it will probably bring in less...

He can't help but picture a slightly brighter future though, as he's walking home that night. Birthdays marked by actual parties. _Real_ presents for twins... Makoto's smile filling up his eyes all the way again... It's a future worth daydreaming about a little.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

After stripping for over a year, Haru pretty much considers himself a pro now. With Makoto's graduation came quite a few changes to their lifestyle and routine though. The neighborhoods closer to the school he's working at are more expensive than what they were used to. Plus, the twins were at an age when they moved that suddenly _separate bedrooms_ became a must... No matter what neighborhood it had been, three bedrooms would have been more expensive than two.

They get by ok though.

Haru doesn't worry about money like he used to before, and even manages to save a little here and there. It's hard not to indulge the twins, and Makoto, with a movie or pizza here and there, knowing how rough things have been for them in general. So it's not _a lot_ of savings... As the twins get older, the things they want and _need_ become more expensive too. Haru feels like he should be part owner in his own makeup company by now, between what he's spent on himself and Ran in that area. Not that _she_ knows the full extent of it...

Even though things are going better with Makoto working full time and coaching, Haru has never once considered quitting. He knows he could never make this kind of money at anything else.

 

 

“Alright kids, we were contacted by one of the sororities on the university campus this afternoon. Seems they want to throw a _memorable_ going away party for their senior class, and have employed our club's services to make that happen. Any volunteers?” the boss asks, grinning at the crowd of them backstage.

He must be making a nice profit off this deal, to be in such a good mood.

It's _women_ though, so Haru assumes that's part of the reason for the guys' lack of response...

“They're still going to tip us, right?” he asks, expression neutral.

“Oh, you can count on it. And I'm paying forty thousand yen as a bonus for each guy who goes, because of the _venue_ ” the boss shifts his focus, sensing where the true interest is here.

“Count me in” Haru says, not caring if it's guys or girls feeling him up, really. As long as he gets paid. He vaguely wonders how much the boss must be charging if he's willing to pay _them_ that much... Since it's for a sorority, he can't see how it would be any form of _hazard_ pay...

“Wait, it's just _stripping_ , right?” Haru suddenly thinks to check.

“And lap dances... But we don't get to charge separate for those, when it's all a package deal like this.”

Well that explains a lot.

Haru runs through the basic math in his head, how much he makes on an average Saturday. In the end he decides to go ahead and do it, because the hours involved are less than he normally works in a night. That gives him more time during the day to make cupcakes for the twins' school fundraiser.

One other guy volunteers too, and then the boss drafts another to fill out the three he's promised under the contract.

“Hey, Aki. Where do you live?” Sousuke comes up to him afterward, his manner unassuming. Haru normally appreciates the sort of quiet camaraderie he's found in Sousuke's acquaintance here, but the topic puts him off at the moment. He frowns, because personal questions are unusual in this line of work, and doubly so for _him_.

Sousuke raises his hands in defense, “Boss wants me to bring you guys over there and keep an eye on the place. We're just trying to figure out travel times and all that.”

“Oh” Haru hadn't thought about that aspect of it, “Just you?”

“Well, he doesn't want to leave things understaffed here, and we shouldn't get too much trouble at an event like that” Sousuke explains.

Haru goes ahead and gives him directions to the apartment complex. In the back of his mind though, he's trying to figure out how to get ready at home without the twins finding out. He might have to settle for just putting on some basics with a mirror in the car... Thankfully the outfit they've been given to wear doesn't require a whole lot of extra flair.

It basically consists of a tuxedo-style bow tie, and white gloves.

Haru has worn less before.

He and the other two guys are all instructed to wear black g-strings to go along with it. You know, to keep things classy.

 

When Haru wakes up on Saturday, he's the first one in the house out of bed. It's not abnormal for him. He's never had a problem getting up in the morning, just with _facing the day_. Not that he thinks of himself as being quite that angst ridden anymore. Now the pleasure of an overlong bath is focused on the quiet, soothing sensation it brings. The water wraps around him, touching everywhere at once, but not invading. He hopes Makoto doesn't suspect the _actual_ number of times he's fallen asleep in the tub once they're all gone...

Haru doesn't worry about it too much though. It's not like he's going to drown, despite Makoto's anxieties. He actually knows for a fact, but don't ask him how, that if you do per chance accidentally start to slide down under the water while sleeping, the first trickle running down your windpipe produces a rather _instinctual_ reaction...

Makoto is home, with it being the weekend and all, so today it's a moot point. He mumbles a sleepy “morning, Haru-chan” as he makes his way to the toilet.

Haru just gives a hum as he submerges under the water. With all the years they've been together, it's not a huge deal for him to hear Makoto 'relieve' himself. But if _he_ hears, then _Haru_ will have to go, which will mean he'll have to _get out of the tub_...

Their routine on weekends is to let the twins sleep in as much as possible. The early morning rambunctiousness of youth has passed into the lethargy of teenagedom. Haru doesn't complain though. He actually tries to keep any noise down to a minimum, because it means a little more time of peace and quiet with Makoto. Just feeling that warm weight rest against his back while Haru cooks is enough to put him in a good mood all day.

Makoto knows better than to try helping with the food, so once the table is set, he moves to where Haru is. It's not sexual, maybe a little sensual...mostly it's just comforting and reassures them both. Strong arms wrap lightly around Haru's waist, and Makoto's nose is buried in his hair. He doesn't obstruct or hinder, just gives in to the constant urge to absorb as much of Haru as he can.

Usually the smell of food will draw out hungry teens more effectively than any amount of prodding or shaking. Especially toast, for some reason. Haru makes sure everything else is cooked and ready to go, before popping in a couple pieces of bread. Within a few minutes, pajama clad twins are rubbing their eyes and yawning as they scoot out their chairs.

Ran looks more like her mother with every passing day.

But Makoto and Ren look just like their father too, so Haru figures it's something they'll all just have to deal with. It's kind of strange to him, seeing the teen Makoto was not that long ago, sitting in front of them in the form of Ren. Ren is a little tougher than Makoto was though, at his age. Probably because Ran keeps him on his toes, where Haru likely coddled Makoto...

He's never minded protecting the larger man, however he needs to.

The day is a busy one from there on out. Makoto does the dishes while the twins dress, and Haru starts right away on the six dozen cupcakes he's promised. Making them from scratch isn't too expensive, and Haru has a few twists on the traditional flavors that he's experimented with over the years. Like salted chocolate, and caramel instead of frosting on the vanilla. His contributions always sell out fast at bake sales. Haru makes an extra dozen of the chocolate for them to keep themselves, since that's Makoto's favorite and the twins like them all.

The house smells like warm sugar and all things domestic while Haru is getting ready for work that evening. It's not a lot of preparation, just making sure he's wearing the right underwear, and stashing everything else in a bag. The 'appearance' is supposed to last from eleven tonight until two in the morning, so Haru is prepared to work continually that whole time. Sousuke seems to think there could be over a hundred people there, and Haru just takes his word for it. He's never been to any sort of frat or sorority party.

The ride over is kind of awkward. Not because either of them expect the other to talk, but because Haru is trying to carefully apply his eyeliner while in a moving vehicle. Every time Sousuke brakes too quickly, or does any other such disruptive movement, Haru frowns in the mirror. Haru doesn't think he's _trying_ to be obnoxious, it's just not a good situation. He ends up sighing and putting the pencil away with only one eye done, deciding to wait until they're parked.

Haru lives the farthest away from campus out of all of them, so Sousuke had picked him up first. While the car is stopped for the next guy, Haru quickly finishes his left eye. Both of his co-workers are ready to go when they arrive, and the rest of the drive is mostly filled with work related banter. Haru doesn't actually _join in_ , but he nods in the appropriate places.

“You should take your bags in with you, to hold your tips. I'll watch them for you” Sousuke offers before they get out at their destination. He's in charge of securing their clothes too, so it makes sense.

“I'll just hold onto mine myself, if that's alright...” their blond, 'Kane', asks. Haru is their dark haired member, and then a redhead named 'Georgia' completes the arrangement.

“You can trust Sousuke” Haru says evenly, in a tone that indicates any other action would be slightly ridiculous on Kane's part. Georgia grins, and nods in agreement with Haru's statement.

Kane came on at the club about the same time Haru did, but Georgia is a longtime employee, like Riki. Sousuke gives Haru a glance that is both thankful, and tells him that it wasn't really necessary.

“Actually, you don't have a choice, I'm on the clock here too guys. Boss's orders” Sousuke shrugs, but Kane doesn't look too upset with the resolution.

Inside the sorority house, Haru is reminded just how unusual it is for guys to walk around with makeup on. Or maybe it's just the obvious _authority figure_ set to Sousuke's shoulders that gives them away... For whatever reason, they're pegged as the arriving entertainment right away, even though their clothes are still on. A torrent of giggling and whispering ensues, enough that Haru starts to feel a little weird. Not like he's going to have any problems, but that's just not the reaction he's used to...

It's not a professional stage, there's no pole or curtains, but they get by. Haru doesn't stop to wonder if he'll feel any different about being tipped by a girl versus a guy until he's already on display. He wasn't expecting them to be quite as forceful for some reason, but it turns out to be fine. It affects him just as much as when a guy slips his fingers under the strap. Which is to say, not at all.

There's music playing loudly, alcohol everywhere... It's not much different than the club in those respects. It's decorated a lot more tastefully though. There are a few guys interspersed among the crowd, but they stay back from the stage. Probably the boyfriends of sorority members or something.

Haru does really well in tips for the stripping portion. It's enough that it bumps this night up from being potentially less than normal, earnings wise, and firmly into the 'on par' category. The group dance they improvise goes over _especially_ well. The final move of it ends with Kane towering over Haru, who tips his face up as if they're going to kiss, right as the music cuts out.

In hindsight, that may not have been the best note to start lap dances on.

The cheering and whistling is a lot louder than Haru would have guessed this number of people could make. Maybe the acoustics of the club are different though, and they just don't hear as much of it? Haru does begin to grow suspicious of their motives in hiring guys from a gay strip club after the first few _comments_ are made...

Three chairs are set up for the senior members to sit in, to receive their lap dances first. There's only about a dozen of them though, so it goes fairly quickly. Most of them blush profusely, but a few get touchy, running their hands over Haru's abs and chest.

Catering to girls is definitely different.

Haru hasn't ever _not_ had his ass felt up at least once while on shift.

Next they open the chairs to any of the others who want a dance. One of the senior girls who had been comfortable enough to explore his chest confronts Haru right away.

“I know it wasn't part of the original contract...but I'll give you two thousand yen to give _each other_ a lap dance” she asks, eyes sparkling hopefully.

Ok, so, that was not what Haru had been expecting her to say. Haru looks over to Georgia and Kane, trying to gauge their reactions to the offer. He doubts there will be any objections though.

“Oh,” the girl says, following his gaze, “I actually meant your other bodyguard guy... He's just, so _bara_ , you guys would be so _hot_ together...”

Haru frowns.

“Four thousand” she counters, seeing his reluctance.

It's at that point Haru's frown draws Sousuke over to them, investigating the disturbance. Kane and Georgia have already moved on to other interested parties, but Haru can feel their attention still on him.

“It's up to Sousuke” he tells her flatly, staying neutral. The man in question raises an eyebrow, because he has no idea what's going on yet. Two other of the girl's friends have joined her now, and one is eyeing Sousuke up and down _very_ obviously.

“I'll contribute to that, so you can make it four thousand _each_ ” she grins, throwing Sousuke a wink.

“Uh, what's going on here?” he asks, shifting his stance.

“Apparently they want to pay you to get a lap dance from me” Haru informs him.

“And kiss” the girl throws out.

“No” Haru says immediately, starting to turn away. That's a definite deal breaker for him.

“Ok, how about Mr. Bodyguard just takes _his_ shirt off then?” she questions hurriedly, trying to save the negotiations. It makes Haru pause, but it's not his shirt in question. He looks up to Sousuke, who though quiet, doesn't seem to be repulsed by the idea...

“Another thousand for taking the shirt off” she nods to Sousuke, as if assuming his motivation here is going to be money as well. Haru doesn't know exactly how much the bouncers make, but it has to be pretty good, for what they put up with. This is not the first time he's seen Sousuke be propositioned, though these girls are much more sober than the normal 'specimens' attempting it.

“Another thousand _each_ ” Haru interrupts, because he's had long enough to study Sousuke's face to see that he doesn't truly _object_. The girl looks over to her friends, who nod, and then she holds out her hand to shake on it, western style. As their palms separate, Haru holds out his other, demanding payment up front. She grins wide as they all put the bills in his hand, and then Haru folds it up and hands the whole thing to Sousuke. Apparently this action causes a slight confusion, because Sousuke looks back at the girls.

“For safe keeping” he tells them, flashing a half grin. He doesn't even _need_ to wink to elicit a round of giggles. What he could possibly be implying there, Haru has no idea, but the girls seem to like it. Maybe Sousuke is in the wrong line of work, if he's this much of a natural... Or maybe it's just that Sousuke understands girls somehow, where Haru never has.

After removing his shirt and draping it over the back of the chair, Sousuke sits. The girls make _appreciative_ noises. From what Haru can see, he's staying fairly nonchalant about this.

It's an attitude Haru intends to keep as well.

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Georgia's eyes on them, even though he's giving a different girl an up close and personal view of his abs. Haru doesn't pay them any mind.

Things go fine, with Haru starting on a tried and true routine, until his and Sousuke's eyes happen to catch. Haru is too much of a professional to let his movements be disrupted, but the coincidence throws him off a bit. Normally, Sousuke hardly even looks at the guys while they're dancing. He's on crowd control and takes it seriously, watching the patrons for signs of trouble. Haru's never really had those eyes on him before. Not that he knows of.

The second part, the more intimate part of the dance, is where actual laps are involved. Sousuke doesn't try to touch him, his hands stay very still at his sides. Thus Haru is even _more_ shocked at what starts to happen when he grinds down amongst the cheers and whistling. He's given _way_ too many lap dances in his life to ever mistake _that_ for anything else. Raising an eyebrow, he keeps his voice down below the thrum of the crowd and music.

“I thought you were only gay for Rin?” slips out of his mouth before he can question the appropriateness of the wording.

Sousuke's eyes get _wide_.

And then he _blushes_.

The lighting here isn't dimmed like in the club, so there's no hiding it either. The noise from the crowd gets infinitely louder all of a sudden, egging them on as if something is _going to happen_.

“You're rubbing your ass all over me. I'm only fucking human” Sousuke replies in a whisper, looking embarrassed on one hand, but on the other, slightly confused by Haru's indifference. Haru just blinks at him and finishes the routine. But he does have to admit he's kind of amused. He didn't think of Sousuke as being like Makoto, easily riled up and someone who _blushes_. Maybe he really does have a softer side like Rin keeps telling them.

Haru has seen Sousuke slam people to the floor and literally _throw_ them out of the club before though, which he doesn't think Rin has ever been privilege to... So if it's there, it's a soft side that's much more under control than Makoto's.

“I'll work the crowd to give you a minute” Haru says as the dance ends, flicking his eyes _down_ but not actually looking at Sousuke's crotch.

“What a gentleman...” Sousuke says sarcastically, but he gives Haru a look that indicates he actually _is_ thankful. A man of contrasts, Haru decides. Rin could do worse. You know, once he comes back for good and stops being oblivious and all that...

Haru spends a little time posing and dancing with the crowd, until he looks back and sees the chair is empty. He beckons the girl he's currently rubbing against over toward it, to get a lap dance proper, since that's what he's here for.

First he feels a hand on his shoulder, and then suddenly Haru's being yanked backward. There's no warning, and it's too quick for him to make sense of or to stop. He just finds himself sprawled on his ass the next moment, staring up at an irate man. The picture doesn't quite compute in Haru's brain, because there's a stream of alcohol falling out of the guy's drink...

Then he realizes the beer is upside down, that's why it's splashing all over the floor and him.

“No fucking fagot is laying a hand on my girlfriend” the man yells, veins bulging as he slams the bottle against the wall. It's at precisely the moment the guy raises his arm, that Haru realizes just how much _trouble_ he's in.

The glass shatters, raining down on him as Haru shields his eyes. He feels a few shards hitting and bouncing over his skin, but he knows that's not the real danger here. Haru pulls his arm down so he can see again as soon as possible, maybe have a chance at defending himself...only to have the first thing he sees be Sousuke decking the guy. It all happens so fast, to Haru it's almost as if one moment he was dancing, and the next Sousuke is scooping him up off the floor. Being barefoot for the show, it's not like he can just walk out of here, even if he could get to his feet without cutting himself.

Haru congratulates himself in the past, for never having _truly_ pissed Sousuke off in high school. The asshole who threatened Haru is now laying in a heap, unconscious, knocked out from just one massive punch. Most of the girls are just standing around in shock, which is exactly what Haru feels like doing as well. Or rather, he would if he wasn't being carried.

Actually, he's pretty sure he's still in shock, even so.

Sousuke gives a piercing whistle that Haru is all too familiar with from the club. Usually it's to alert other bouncers to trouble though, and there aren't any others with them... But Kane and Georgia know exactly what it means too. One look at Sousuke heading toward them with Haru laying up against his shoulder like that, and they both break off their dances.

“We should go” Sousuke says calmly, setting Haru down well away from the glass. Their things are already being gathered up as Sousuke gives Haru a once over. “I only see a little blood, does anything hurt?”

Haru shakes his head, watching as his feet and legs are quickly but carefully inspected. Once he's given the all clear, his clothes are handed to him to be put back on. Haru pulls them on methodically while Sousuke scans the crowd, watching for any sign that _things_ aren't over. No further assaults are attempted though.

Back in the car, Sousuke calmly waits for them all to be buckled in before driving away. Georgia is talking about nothing a little more loudly than necessary, but Haru is ok with it. He listens to the sound of his voice, and tunes out any other thoughts in his head.

When they stop to drop Kane off, Sousuke takes a moment to parcel out all their tips to them. Haru doesn't bother to count his, just stuffs it in his jacket. Once Georgia gets out at his place, inevitable quiet descends on the vehicle.

It takes a minute, but Sousuke breaches the silence just like Haru's been expecting.

“How you holding up?” he prompts, his tone even.

“I'm fine” Haru answers, continuing to look out the window.

“You know what 'fine' stands for, right?” Sousuke asks, sparing his passenger a glance.

Haru doesn't know.

“Freaked out, Insecure, Nervous, and Emotional” Sousuke elaborates, keeping his eyes on the road.

Haru sighs, but doesn't say anything.

Sousuke is pretty good at badgering people with just his mood alone, because the silence suddenly feels _oppressive_ , which Haru is not used to.

“I wasn't hurt. I'm ok” Haru tries using a different track, hoping he doesn't have another 'all too telling' acronym for that one as well.

“You were still attacked though...” Sousuke counters.

“So when are you finally going to confess to Rin?” Haru asks him, a hard edge in his voice as he pointedly looks away. He knows it's not fair, especially considering that Sousuke is the one who saved him from the incident. The silence becomes a lot less forceful after that, but now Haru's guilt is welling up to take it's place.

“Ok” Sousuke says, under his breath, letting out a sigh himself. Haru looks over at him incredulously, because he seriously doubts tonight's adventure will be the thing to finally spur the man into coming clean.

“I mean, I'll back off about it” Sousuke elaborates, “But, I do need you to do something for me.”

“Like what?” Haru wonders, feeling bad enough about _where he just went_ that he's willing to listen to a middle ground.

“When you get home, I want you to write down what happened, as best as you can remember it. Any injuries, however minor, even how it made you feel...you know, as much as possible.”

“ _Why_?” Haru feels strangely put out by the request, even _affronted_ almost “How is that a favor to you?”

Sousuke gives him a look.

“Because _I'm_ the one who knocked him flat out. We weren't some random guys off the street. They would know how to find us if they wanted to start any legal shit over it” Sousuke tells him in a tired voice.

Oh.

Haru hadn't thought of that. It's pretty well known that whatever the bouncers say is _law_ inside the club. But they weren't at the club tonight.

“I guess I can do that” Haru admits, because he feels enough loyalty to Sousuke to not leave him hanging like that.

“Thanks.”

“And you know _I_ wouldn't say anything to Rin...”

“I know.”

This is officially the longest conversation he and Sousuke have ever had.

It surprises Haru by being drug out even more a minute later.

“So, can I ask you something...personal?” Sousuke wants to know, which is always a great way to keep a conversation going.

“You can ask, I may not answer” Haru is honest, even though it sounds a touch snippy.

Sousuke nods.

“I thought, you and that Tachibana guy... I mean, you _are_ gay, aren't you?” he asks, sounding perplexed.

Haru fails to see how any of that is Sousuke's business, but at the same time, he never denies anything to do with Makoto.

“Of course I am, Makoto and I have been together for half a decade, maybe longer” Haru huffs, frowning. He stares at Sousuke, demanding to know why he would even ask such a thing. The man doesn't seem any less confused by the answer Haru gave him.

“It's just, when you were giving me that lap dance... I've heard a lot of the guys at work say your control is like, legendary or some shit... But I guess I've just never seen it up close...” Sousuke says.

Is this guy seriously questioning Haru's sexuality because he didn't get a boner from rubbing all over him too?

“Wow, you and Rin really are perfect for each other...” Haru mutters, “Or is that the problem, your egos are too much alike?”

“You know what, fuck you, Nanase” Sousuke tells him with a roll of his eyes, but his cheeks are coloring again and there's no real force behind it.

“I only fuck Makoto” Haru decides to end the line of questioning with that sentiment.

They pull onto the street leading to the apartments a second later, and the mood is mostly comfortable between them again.

“Well, now you know why the boss is so strict about the boyfriend thing at work” Sousuke sighs as he parks, like life lessons have been learned here.

“Not all of them are like that though” Haru comments, more to defend Makoto's specialness than argue with the boss's rather sound logic. Sousuke meets his gaze, giving him a tired smile.

“Nah, not all of them...” he replies. It's obvious to Haru that he's thinking of Rin, who is really kind of a crybaby at his core, like Makoto.

“Although, that may just mean _we're_ the jealous ones...” Sousuke adds, not sounding entirely put out by the idea.

“You? Jealous?...” Haru can't help it, the deadpan tone is so natural to him that it adds a joking layer to the statement that he normally wouldn't. They both chuckle a little, but Haru would bet money on both of them vividly remembering a certain third year, snack machine encounter at the moment. Haru didn't mean to actually embarrass Sousuke in that way though, so he speaks up before things can get awkward.

“It's ok, I 'accidentally' pushed a girl over the edge for flirting with Makoto once...” Haru admits, which had not been his finest hour, he knows that.

Sousuke is staring at him with an _extremely_ conflicted, _growing in concern_ expression on his face...

Oh.

“It was at a _bounce house_ ” Haru blurts out, realizing what it sounds like he just said, “We took the twins to Fun Land... I... Uh... You know what, I'll see you at work...” Haru clears his throat and quickly exits the car, but not before he hears Sousuke's laughter following him.

 


	6. Chapter 6

If Haru wasn't so sensitive to how various people had lost their parents, he would equate Rin's visits to a typhoon landing. Or at the very least a tropical storm, throwing all their routines out of whack. But he does have some tact, contrary to popular belief, so he never makes the comparison aloud.

Sousuke's focus at work isn't really affected by the impending touch down. But then again, neither is Haru's. Makoto is beyond excited for a get together with an old friend, but that's to be expected. Haru guesses it would be nice to see him, provided he doesn't act like a jerk. Or try to bite anyone. Maybe his memory of Rin is a tad exaggerated... It has been a couple of years now...

Apparently Sousuke is going to pick him up from the airport, so Makoto and Haru are at least spared that hassle. They are put in charge of a welcome dinner at their place though.

Knowing the international tastes Rin has been exposed to, Haru decides to go all out, making the fanciest dishes he thinks he can handle. He and Makoto may not have done anything stunning with their lives like Rin has, but they're not _missing_ anything, Haru is sure of it.

 

Rin is probably more tan than he should be, for the long term health of someone with his skin tone. Even so, Sousuke still looks at him like he's hoping to become intimately familiar with each of his tan lines. It's vaguely annoying to Haru, how Rin doesn't ever notice, ever. Not that they've really 'hung around' with each other as a group before. The last time Rin came back to Japan was for the first anniversary of the Tachibana's funeral...

Things are different now though, and Sousuke and Haru aren't two identically polarized magnets, doing their best to stay on opposite ends of the room. They both have made it clear that neither wants Rin knowing _how_ they got semi-comfortable with each other though. No one outside of Makoto knows what Haru's real 'night job' is. Haru is fairly certain there would be a bunch of flack to be had just from Rin finding out that Sousuke is a bouncer. He's not about to go and give Rin ammunition of the _stripping_ caliber. Thankfully he isn't as good at reading silence as the rest of them, so he might not even pick up on the fact that it's an easy one between Haru and Sousuke now...

Spending time with Rin is fast paced and loud anyway, filled with a good amount of innuendo and all the dick jokes Haru never even _thinks_ to make. He can't help smiling occasionally even so. It really is too easy to make Makoto blush sometimes, and that's not Rin's fault.

“Oi, Haru, what are you doing tomorrow morning?” Rin asks him as soon as dinner is done, “Aside from jerking it in the tub, of course” he snickers at how hilarious his own jokes are. Haru just sighs and keeps clearing the table.

“Come on, I got Sousuke to agree to a ride-a-long, you should join us” Rin winks at him while elbowing his best friend.

“...I'm not joining you guys for any weird Australian sex positions” Haru frowns.

Rin is already blushing red as a tomato when Haru turns to leave with the plates, but he can't really have expected him to say _yes_ to such obvious baiting. He probably just wasn't expecting him to be so blunt about it. From his angle in the kitchen, Haru can see Sousuke pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing. He keeps in better touch with Rin than Haru and Makoto do, honestly, so he should be more used to this...

Haru sits back down with a blasé look to match the incredulous one on Rin's face. It's the redhead who breaks first though.

“Alright, _whatever_. Are we going out for some fun, or just going to sit here and be lame for the rest of the night?” Rin asks, sweeping aside all previous topics. It's a turn of the conversation that Haru has learned to view as a Pyrrhic victory, when it comes to Rin.

“Well, what did you want to do?” Makoto asks politely.

There is no guarantee that the upcoming suggestion will be any better than the previous one.

“ _Drink._ ”

 

An hour later, on his night off, Haru finds himself staring at the door of a club. At least it's just the normal dance-under-some-strobe-lights kind. Haru wouldn't have agreed to it if Rin had any other type of club in mind, but thankfully that didn't come up.

It gives Haru a slightly uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, to leave the twins alone while they're out. But they're fourteen, almost fifteen now, and Haru was only a year older than that when he started living by himself all the time. Granted, it wasn't in Tokyo...

“Jeez, you don't have to glare at everyone like they just shit in your bath, Haru” Rin goads him as they walk inside.

“I have a boyfriend, I'm not trying to hook up” Haru points out the obvious to him. Makoto slips an arm around his waist at that moment, just for emphasis.

“I know _that_ , I just mean, you don't have to look like your only alternative to coming here was a fucking _firing squad_. Shit man, loosen up a little” Rin berates him.

Haru sighs. “I'll try.”

“Good. Now, let me buy you a drink” the redhead winks.

Haru doesn't like the idea of that though, because Rin is already perilously close to acting like the kind of guys who try to 'buy him drinks' all the time. He knows Rin is better than that, but he just doesn't want the association.

“No” Haru says curtly, and he's sure it's sounding _rude_ at first, but he's trying, he really is... “I think _they_ should pay tonight.”

It's the only thing he can think of to deflect, tipping his head toward Makoto and Sousuke beside them. The way Rin's face lights up, like they're six and Haru just suggested they have _cookies_ for breakfast, is pretty adorable.

“You know what? That is an excellent idea, Haru. They _should_ pay” Rin nods slowly in agreement, flashing Sousuke a grin.

“Yeah, that's fine” Sousuke says, nodding back, looking completely love struck. Rin beams as if he and Haru somehow have pulled one over on him, probably since Makoto's funds are pretty much Haru's funds too...

If only he knew the real strings being pulled here...

With the proper people all paying for the proper other people's drinks, it really makes it seem more like the double date Sousuke probably wishes it was. Well, he probably _wishes_ it was just him and Rin, but the redhead is too social for his own good, sometimes.

Since he and Makoto have only ever consumed alcohol once before this, Haru orders for both of them. He makes a conscious effort to choose drinks that would be considered 'weak' by his co-workers. There's no telling how long Rin is going to insist on staying, and Haru would rather not throw up the meal he went to so much work for earlier. He's heard enough from Nagisa to know that action generally follows a night of _partying_.

“Shit, we're never going to find a table in here, it's too packed... Guess I picked a popular spot, eh?” Rin seems to gloat at their misfortune. Haru really would rather be sitting, preferably somewhere not even in the club... But no one asked him.

“Looks like we'll have no choice then” Rin sighs, “We'll have to _dance_.”

It's like everything about him is calculated based on the level of dramatic effect it produces. He's almost as bad as Nagisa, sometimes, Haru swears. Downing his drink, Rin motions toward the floor with a jerk of his head, drawing a somewhat hesitant looking Sousuke in his wake. Haru's not sure if the man knows how to _dance_ in the way Rin was implying, but it's hardly his problem.

“It's ok if you don't want to, Haru” Makoto gives him an easy out, not following immediately. When Haru thinks about it though, it's not really a huge deal. Especially considering that he wouldn't be trying to _impress_ anyone. And he gets to keep his clothes _on_.

“It's fine” he tells Makoto, who looks vaguely surprised, “After we finish our drinks.”

When Haru leads his boyfriend out onto the floor a few minutes later, Rin looks shocked.

“Holy shit, I thought I'd have to harass you all night long to get you out here” the redhead says in disbelief. The floor is crowded too, so he and Sousuke aren't necessarily dancing _with_ each other, but it's a close vicinity. Haru shrugs and turns his back to Rin, making sure he leaves no doubt for the rest of the crowd as to who Makoto is dancing with. Behind him he can hear Rin complaining to Sousuke.

“You know, if that guy hadn't always been a fucking mystery wrapped in an enigma dipped in 'I don't give a shit', then I'd be more surprised right now...”

Haru can just picture Rin rolling his eyes as he says it too.

His train of thought is broken by Makoto pulling him flush against his chest though, eliminating all distance between them. Haru proceeds to completely forget about Rin for the next three songs, even though they all stay relatively near each other. Makoto isn't _super_ confident on the dance floor, but he makes up for it with how much he wants Haru. Even so, he doesn't have nearly the stamina for this kind of thing that Haru does.

They decide to take a break and head back to the bar area. When Haru notices Rin and Sousuke following, he knows they're going to be pressured into another round of drinks...

It could be worse though, he supposes.

There actually isn't much drama, up until the point where Rin has had about twice as much to drink as the rest of them. And that's saying something, because Haru has to use the restroom like few times ever before in his life, after just half what Rin's had.

Sousuke and Rin are actually dancing _with_ each other now, for what good it might do, but Haru has to excuse himself from Makoto. There's no way he can get back out on the floor without going to the restroom first. His boyfriend agrees to wait for him at the bar, and not put up with any flirting while Haru's gone. Makoto alone on the dance floor would be a crime waiting to happen.

Haru just hopes there's not anyone having sex in the restrooms when he gets there.

He wouldn't say the walk over is fuzzy or anything, more like his body isn't responding quite like it normally would. The alcohol is obviously to blame, but it doesn't help ease his disgust at the fact that he's leaning against the wall of the stall pretty heavily.

The filthy, covered in who-knows-what bathroom stall...

Haru isn't sure if this is how drinking is supposed to work, from what he's heard. He's fully aware of what he's feeling, he remembers everything that's happened so far, he thinks, but he's just having a hard time executing his own wishes. At least he manages to not urinate on his own feet.

Haru really doesn't want to be leaning against this wall anymore while he tries to zip up his fly. But for some reason he still is. With a put-out sigh, he tries to focus on his motor skills, taking deep breaths to hopefully steady himself. He should just find Makoto and go home already, leave Sousuke to deal with the intoxicated mess Rin has become...

Speak of the devil.

“Come on, Rin, you've had enough. We should get going soon” Sousuke is trying to reason with a certain someone as they enter the bathrooms. Maybe it's because of his body mass, but he doesn't seem to be nearly as effected as the rest of them.

“...Done when I say I'm done. Say _I'm_ done” Rin mutters nearly unintelligibly. Haru can hear him stumbling over toward the sinks, and Sousuke redirecting him to the toilets. Haru's own body still stubbornly refuses to move off this stupid wall...

The door a couple stalls down from him slams, but then it's obvious Rin is having problems getting it to stay closed. It couldn't possibly be due to operator error. Even over the noise of Rin's fumbling, Haru can hear Sousuke sigh.

“You want me to hold it closed for you?” he offers.

“Fuck...” a tired expletive echos over the metal and tile, “... not a little fucking kid.”

Haru takes that to mean Rin thinks he's old enough to be able to pee on his own. But it's not his age that's the problem at the moment.

“Look, just go already” Sousuke says, pulling the door shut and holding it secure, “I don't want to have to deal with your drunk ass pissing all over yourself.”

It's a good thing that Haru already managed to go, because there's no way he would have made it if he was still trying to get everything working while listening to Rin. After the flush, Haru is already thinking ahead to the washing of hands, hopefully, and then them exiting. Neither of which he's managed to do yet himself. He vaguely wonders if he asked, if Sousuke would peel him off the wall here too... But then he realizes a good deal of time has gone by, and Rin's stall still hasn't opened.

“Hey, don't pass out on me in there” Sousuke sounds like he has more experience mothering than Haru would have thought. Maybe the 'watching over people' thing plays into that too...

“I'll pass out if I fucking _want_ to pass out...” Rin is just getting more and more belligerent, until it culminates in an rather emotional hiccup, and then the beginnings of tears.

“Rin... Are you decent in there?...” Sousuke tries to ask, only to have his question answered by full-blown sobs. Haru guesses that Sousuke must have decided this was past the point of caring about properly closed zippers, because the stall door opens after that.

“Hey, come on, what's going on with you?” Sousuke prompts him, knowing an emotional Rin is not one prone to _functioning_ without some sort of resolution.

At this point, Haru suddenly realizes he's probably not supposed to be hearing any of this.

They don't even know he's here.

He should really be going now.

There's still a chance he could sneak by without either of them realizing who he is.

Yes, it's definitely time to go.

Any second now...

“...Mom's got cancer” Rin says weakly, having to take several deep breaths to calm his crying enough just to get that out. “Gou's takin' care of her, they _say_ the prognosis is good...but I just... I can't fucking focus, I'm so worried. I'm... _scared_ , of losing her too... I'm gonna get cut from the fucking team if I can't get my shit together” Rin sounds as mad at the injustice of the world as Haru has ever heard him. With heartbreak tweaking his perspective, he realizes it's actually been a long time since he's seen Rin break down or cry, as much as he stereotypes him for it.

“I'm so sorry, Rin...” Sousuke sounds genuinely saddened and at a loss.

“She's all I have left” Rin hiccups some more. There's no denying that she's his only remaining parent, but even Haru knows Rin still has others who care about him.

“You're not alone, Rin. She _will_ pull through, but you're not alone” Sousuke says softly, speaking with an authority on matters he can't possibly control, but knowing Rin needs it in his intoxicated state, “You've got Gou, and, you've got me...”

Haru might as well pick out curtains and a china pattern to match the tile of the floor, because he can never leave this stall again now. He misses what Rin tries to hiccup back to Sousuke though, because _someone's_ concerned boyfriend ducks into the bathrooms just then.

“Haru?” Makoto calls out, sounding very much like he's trying not to sound anxious, “Are you ok in here?...”

Haru would rather be completely naked in a room full of people right now, than enclosed by the metal of this stall. He honestly can't think of a time he's felt more exposed than this. Embarrassment weighs with his need to keep Makoto from worrying. Finally he settles on sticking a leg out under the gap of the door, to let Makoto know where he is. He can move that much at least. Wait, when did he slide to the floor?...

Makoto is calling to him again, trying to get him to open the door, just making it worse... Finally his boyfriend is able to get in and pull him out of there, but the damage has already been done. At least the door to Rin's stall stays closed the entire time Makoto is dragging Haru away.

Outside the club, while they're _getting some fresh air_ , Makoto's phone goes off with a text message. Haru is leaning against him heavily as they sit now, instead of the bathroom wall. He needs to remember to burn these clothes when they wake up tomorrow... Haru doesn't need to be telepathic to know what the message will say.

“Sousuke borrowed Rin's phone to say he's going to have to take Rin home now... I guess with how much he drank, it's not surprising. How are _you_ holding up, Haru-chan?” Makoto asks him.

“How are you only one of you?” Haru drunkenly asks him back. What he means is that his own vision is going blurry, so how can Makoto _read_ a tiny text at the moment...he should be seeing double or sparkles everywhere or _something_ too...

“Ah, I don't think Sousuke and I had as much as you and Rin did. We abstained from the shots, remember?”

Haru doesn't remember. All he remembers is Rin telling him there was no way a lightweight like him could handle a stronger, more concentrated liquor...

“Who won?” Haru asks. He'd be flat on his back if he didn't have Makoto to prop him up.

“I'm pretty sure Sousuke and I did” Makoto chuckles.

“Hn...I want to swim” Haru sighs, since all this talk about _things_ is making him weary.

“I don't think that's such a good idea right now, Haru-chan...” Makoto tells him gently, “How about we head home too, and in the morning you can have a nice long bath?”

“'K.”

 

Rin moves on to the next stop of his itinerary a few days later, which is Iwatobi, and out of their lives again for who knows how long. Haru's not sure how much of their attempt at partying the redhead remembers, but he doesn't ask. If Rin's not going to volunteer, Haru's not going to prompt him.

He does have to face the incident in an odd way that he hadn't expected though.

At work.

There's a moment when he and Sousuke first see each other at night where they casually nod, but this time Sousuke's cheeks color just the tiniest bit. Seeing Sousuke out of sorts is more jarring to Haru than he would have ever thought. Like, when did _this_ part of his life become so real, that it has it's own conversations that need to happen? Haru stops mid-nod, awkwardly frozen to the spot.

“Uh, sorry” he says, not explaining for what. He hopes it's obvious. Odds are he's the only person who's ever given Sousuke a hard time about confessing to Rin, _let alone_ is the only one who's ever interrupted it...

“Actually...” Sousuke hesitates, “Actually, it was probably for the best... It wouldn't have been right, to do it like that. It's just hard, when he's hurting...”

Haru nods, because it's not like Rin's happiness doesn't effect him at least a little too. Sousuke takes a deep breath, pretending to, or maybe he really _is_ , scanning the room instead of looking at Haru.

“Plus...he kind of started throwing up about ten seconds after you guys left, so...” Sousuke shrugs his shoulders, which would be a small earthquake if he was the mountain he looks.

Haru just nods some more, because if he said anything, it might seem self-serving. They part ways silently soon after that, each to their separate areas, and life moves on.

 

In the weeks that follow, everything settles back to normal.

That is, until it's turned on it's head.

“What do you mean, _Riki_ _quit_?” the boss is flabbergasted, bordering on upset. But it's not like a notice is required when leaving a strip club. Even if it was, who would list them on their resume anyway?...

“I can't believe he really did it...” Georgia muses where Haru can hear.

“What's the big deal, don't guys quit all the time?” Kane asks him.

“Well, a piece of fresh meat quitting is way different than a guy like Riki. I mean, he's been here _forever,_ almost a _decade_. We all thought he was in it for the long haul” Georgia says, as if everybody knew that. Haru just minds his own business, and keeps getting ready for his performances. The boss splits Riki's sets between the more experienced of them, which is Haru, Georgia, and two other guys. Haru's never had much interaction with them, so he's not completely sure of their names, and doesn't care enough to ask.

“I know you can handle it for a while, kid. Tomorrow I'll start advertising an amateur night for this weekend, see what the cat drags in” their boss assures him, patting him on the shoulder. Haru isn't comforted by the fact that he was probably being spoken of in much the same way when he was about to 'drag himself in' without knowing it... But if he really cared what other people thought of him, he wouldn't be here right now at all.

'Amateur Night' actually only lasts for an hour, because no one wants it to cut into the real acts too much. The guy the boss decides has gotten the most response is not who Haru would have chosen. The existing employees watch from the sidelines while it goes on, commenting to themselves. The winner is young, as in the boss's favored moniker of 'kid' applying more than it _should_ , young. Haru assumes he must be of age though, because the boss has never been interested in outright breaking the law. That kind of trouble isn't the way to hang on to the money you make.

“Hey, Aki” the boss calls out to him first thing when he finally comes backstage. Haru gets an annoyed feeling in the pit of his stomach, before the rest of it even leaves the boss's lips.

“Tomorrow, I want you to show the new kid the ropes.”

 

The new kid ends up going by the name of 'Taro', but he doesn't hesitate to volunteer his real one to Haru. He thinks it was something like Shusake, but since he'll never be using it, Haru doesn't bother trying to remember it correctly. He has to admit the guy is good looking, but he's obviously nervous. And fresh out of high school.

Taro has never danced, or done sports, or worn makeup, or had any womanly influences in his life. All of this knowledge is graciously bestowed upon Haru in the first fifteen minutes of working with him. While using one hand to hold the kid's head still, Haru sighs, trying to help Taro apply some eyeshadow. Taro had initially picked one that would have contrasted horribly with his coloring, but Haru talked him out of it.

Or rather, he'd frowned and told him 'no'.

He can't help but sigh again as he's regaled with the story of how Taro _almost_ joined the drama club once, so how different could this be?... Haru catches the brief shadow that runs through Taro's eyes when he hears the continued sighing though. Subtlety is kind of Haru's thing, so it's not uncommon for him to pick up on it in others, even if he doesn't say anything. Mentally, he tries to remember to go easier on the kid, with him being new and all.

There are plenty of other strippers that are more wired like Taro is, personality wise. Haru guesses the boss didn't know how outgoing he'd be, before assigning Haru to him. Trying to remember how overwhelming all this was for himself in the beginning, Haru decides to treat the non-stop back story as if it's Taro's way of coping. He can't be too upset with him for being nervous. Haru just nods and hums where he needs to, giving a basic lesson on the pole. Taro is not very athletic, so he doesn't take to it very quickly.

There is one moment though, where Taro mentions the harbor in his hometown, that hits Haru with an unexpected wave of nostalgia. If he were suddenly dropped back in Iwatobi, it would probably be more sad than anything else...but this...this is different. These are the waves and currents of an unknown beach, no heartbreak being held on its shores. Haru is lost in his own head for a moment, picturing the scene Taro described.

“Um, Aki?...” Taro pokes his shoulder gently, his tone puzzled. Haru opens his eyes to find Taro peering at him, standing too close to misunderstand his conviction.

“It sounds beautiful” Haru says, his eyes wavering as if he could almost _see_ the waves, right in front of him. Taro looks shocked, making an undramatic, almost muffled gasp for it's genuineness. Like he can't believe Haru was actually listening. Then Taro smiles, a real one, not overdone with enthusiasm or whatever it is he thinks that's wanted of him.

“Yeah, it was” Taro nods.

For half a second, Haru forgets where he is.

“I'm from the sea too” he tells Taro, his voice soft with fondness. The eyes peering up at him widen a little, but then Taro laughs.

“You make it sound like you were a mermaid or something” he seems put at ease by the sharing, his eyes lighting up. The innocence of it reminds Haru of just how much that has no place here. Naivety was something _he_ shed a long time ago.

“Not in this life...” Haru replies, his tone much more subdued all of a sudden. His own gaze is drawn to the pole right beside them, and he reaches out to touch it briefly, as if it confirms all his non-mermaid-ness. When he looks back to Taro, the shadow he saw before in his eyes is back, but over his whole face this time. Haru lets go of the pole, and watches to see if the shadow will pass.

As shadows do, it flits away a moment after that.

 

Taro's first night is pretty textbook, as far as strip club experiences go. He hesitates a little the first time a guy lets his fingers linger while tucking in a bill during his striptease. He comes out of the curtain after his first lap dance looking sort of pale. But with a bright and cheery smile plastered on at the same time. Haru wonders if Taro knows that everyone can tell he's not holding up well under the treatment. The night ends for him sooner than the others at least though.

It's the first time Haru's ever realized what a steep learning curve it is, only being given one half shift before being thrown fully in...

Feeling slightly stupid for the sentiment, Haru takes time in between his lap dances to check on Taro before he leaves. The boss did tell him to look out for him, or something like that anyway... He finds him backstage, sitting in front of the mirrors they use to apply their makeup. He's not staring into them like a forlorn puppy, so Haru does think better of him for that. Taro seems like the kind of guy who is finally being forced to make some _decisions_ about himself, and is taking it seriously.

It briefly makes Haru wonder if the kid will actually stay...

His presence is something Taro registers without words, his head giving a small move of acknowledgment in Haru's direction. Haru doesn't want to wait until he's spoken to though, because he doesn't have all night. So he puts a hand on Taro's shoulder in commiseration.

Taro does something then that Haru would never recommend with a total stranger, and looks up, a questioning fear in his eyes. It's like Haru can read his mind, the words are so clear to him.

Is _this_ what the _real world_ is really like?

Haru wants to lie to him.

Instead he uses his other hand to almost absently play with some of the makeup sitting on the desk.

“I'd go home, if _I_ could...” he says simply, letting the hand on Taro's shoulder fall away. He keeps holding on to the cold metal of an eyelash curler though, knowing it's his only grip on reality at the moment. He can't make himself meet Taro's gaze, but he thinks maybe that's part of the answer he needs.

After Taro is gone, Haru stares at himself in the mirror for too long, until the boss comes looking for him. It's a foregone conclusion that his purpose is to get Haru back out on the floor, giving the lap dances he's promised. It surprises Haru though, that he takes a moment to ask for one of his stripper's opinions.

“So, what do you think of the new guy?” he asks as Haru is walking past.

Over his shoulder, not letting his apathetic demeanor shift, Haru tells him,“I think you better get ready for another amateur night.”

Haru does Taro a favor, and pushes whatever his real name might have been, out of his head forever.

 


	7. Chapter 7

The guy the club ends up hiring next seems like he'll actually stick, at least in Haru's opinion. His hair is a _violent_ purple, to outdo the neon lights themselves in its jarring quality. 'Ume' as he chooses to go by, is still younger than Haru, but only by a couple of years. He's friendly when pressed, but his natural state seems to be quieter, like Haru's. It's enough for him to feel fairly at ease with him right off the bat.

Ume knows how to apply all his own makeup already, which is very much a plus in Haru's eyes. The less he has to teach him, the better. Haru isn't sure how or why the boss decided _he_ was going to be the new 'go to' guy for training, but he isn't stupid enough to argue about it. He's still getting paid for the extra hours spent coming in early to help Ume perfect his Iron X's and Hip Lock Changes.

With the twins going to be entering high school this spring, any extra funds he can come up with are more than welcome. Thankfully with Makoto being a teacher and coach, he can get a slightly discounted rate on admission. All the high schools in Tokyo are expensive though, even without boarding.

Haru will tag along a lot of the time while Makoto is coaching, just to be in the water and help out here and there. It's not anything he gets paid for, but he enjoys it almost too much to want to accept money for it, even if he could.

It's with those upcoming tuition payments in mind, that Haru volunteers for working the New Year's Eve crowd this year. It's not something he usually does, but in all honesty, they don't have any extended family worth visiting for the holidays. They usually stay home and end up playing games until midnight with just the twins.

Some of the others at the club have told him that the western tradition of partying and drinking is catching on more and more here in the metropolis. Especially with single guys who don't have close family ties. In other words, who are lonely and probably have money to blow.

It's tempting enough that Haru holds firm against the whining, when the twins complain about him having to work on the holiday. He has to pretend there's nothing he can do, even though Makoto knows better from previous years. With the way Haru rationalized it to him, there was little his boyfriend could say to contradict the decision.

Well, little aside from telling him softly that they would miss him that night...

Ume and Georgia both volunteered for the shift too, so the boss has enough for a full line up for the first time in years. A special performance involving all of them is being planned for midnight, to ring in the new year right. It involves a chorus line and glittery spandex, and is gaudy enough that it makes Haru seriously wonder about his life choices.

But he's kidding himself if he thinks he can _legally_ make this kind of money any other way.

He bids the twins farewell, and kisses Makoto a little more firmly than necessary, then he's off. The streets are already busy with people on their way to various celebrations. Some will be heading to temples, some to parties, and some will even end up in the same place Haru's going tonight. He only hopes there will be a good attendance, and good tips to show for it.

Haru is sacrificing the warm company of his loved ones for the chance to put a significant dent in this obligation.

When he gets to work, that area of town in general is fairly busy, boosting his spirits in a sad, backwards sort of way.

The boss has split them into two color groups, silver and gold.

As in silver glitter and gold glitter.

Haru is fairly sure that even the most outgoing eleven year old in the throes of 'fashion' mania has never dreamed up outfits like this.

Their drunken patrons are rowdy tonight, so Haru doubts they'll be able to see straight enough to pass judgment when the time comes. Haru has discovered over the years that men will eat up things in a strip club that they would laugh about on the street.

“Ah, just a second there, Aki, Georgia, I decided to change things up a bit for the big number” the boss says, stopping them from dressing when the preparations for the midnight show start.

Haru is both curious and fearful.

Curious, because maybe what the boss is about to say will keep them from looking like drunkenly put together Christmas ornaments. Fearful, because in this line of work he's learned that there is no bottom, and things can always get worse...

“Since you're my headliners tonight, I thought having the two of you in something special would be appropriate” he says, holding out silver and gold jars to each of them. “Don't put those costumes on, I want you kids covered head to toe with this instead. Get some of the others to help you with the places you can't reach” he hitches his head to the gathered performers. Then he sets down the bag he'd been carrying, revealing a dozen more jars of the body glitter.

Well, Haru supposes this actually might be more tasteful than the spandex, though technically more lewd. Unscrewing the cap off one of the silver containers, Haru smears a little on his arm, evaluating. It seems rather slick, and he's not sure how he's supposed to properly grip the pole if he's covered in this stuff. As if sensing his dilemma, Georgia speaks up.

“It dries pretty quickly” he volunteers with a wink, obviously having worked with it before.

Haru nods, then begins taking off his clothes.

With his cooler tones, the silver is a good fit for him, just as the gold is for Georgia's ruddy hues. The boss wants to have a whole 'contrast' thing going on tonight, but none of the blonds had enough experience to beat out the veteran redhead.

Haru thinks about longevity while covering the stuff over his skin. He knows Georgia mentioned once having been here only a couple years less than Riki had...and Riki had been here almost a decade. Haru can't imagine being here for another eight years on top of the two already... Almost three, actually... He's twenty-five now, so he'd be _thirty-three_ by then...

“Hey, Aki, do you need some help with your back?” Ume asks him, and Haru nods. Ume is a silver, just like him, so if a little accidentally gets on his outfit, no one will probably notice. After being thorough, Haru gives himself a good looking over, checking the distribution and overall effect. He decides to run a light amount through his hair too, so it doesn't make such a stark line where the black of it starts.

He and Georgia stand off to the side to dry, while everyone else continues getting ready. The reflection they make in the mirror looks like they're a pair of exotic sex toys, waiting for their owner. He supposes maybe they could be avant garde statues or something too...but the g-strings basically scream _sex_ , not art.

Then again though, that's the entire point.

The mood the crowd is in, he figures the boss's idea should go over well. Haru's already made more money so far than in any one night before. Mostly because nearly every man in here wants to pay extra to be able to get a little frisky at the end of the year.

Discounted champagne, in keeping with the western theme they're promoting, has been used to pacify the crowd while waiting for them.

Their costumed co-workers make their appearance first, working the noise and applause into a high pitch with their choreography. Haru and Georgia take their marks behind the curtain, which has remained closed up until now.

Glitter dry, muscles stretched, and thoroughly switched off, Haru lets himself be bent backward over Georgia's arm.

As the count winds down, Haru has a brief flash of home across his vision. The twins counting loudly, watching the clock. Makoto in his pajamas already, still working on a mug of hot chocolate.

“Happy New Year” he hears himself say softly.

Georgia glances at him, sensing that Haru is far away right now, and just says, “You too, Aki...”

Then the curtain parts, and chaos erupts.

Cheering and whistling cascade over them, reaching deafening heights. It doesn't phase either of them though. They have their own set of moves to perform, timed, practiced, and _beyond_ suggestive. Especially the point where Haru has his legs spread and ass in the air, and Georgia presses against him from behind. Bending in time with the music, Georgia reaches down to take a fistful of Haru's hair, pulling him up flush against his chest. A golden hand snakes up the middle of Haru's chest possessively at the same time, spurring the crowd into a frenzy.

It's really best that Haru does _not_ , now or ever, imagine it's Makoto doing these kinds of things behind him, or his _control_ won't be legendary anymore... He knows some guys use that as a way to sort of cope with what goes on here, but it's not a method that Haru can subscribe to.

By the time they actually make their way from the main part of the stage down to the pole, the walkway is lined with a crush of men. It's a bit of an undertaking to do a double routine on the pole to begin with. But Georgia was right, he has no trouble working with the smooth metal even with this coating over his skin.

Haru does find that the sheer number of hands trying to get a feel of his silvery skin adds an additional level of difficulty. Money is being tucked into his g-string left and right, as well as in strategically placed metallic garters.

Just before they're about to be done with this, Haru gives an involuntary _gasp_ as a spray of cold liquid hits him. Someone in the crowd has shaken up a bottle of champagne, and aimed it to hit the both of them on stage. Georgia seems just as shocked at first, but he starts dancing again a touch more quickly than Haru does.

Another man decides soaking them is the most efficient use of his alcohol as well, and suddenly silver and gold is smearing and running off their bodies. Even though they didn't talk about it ahead of time, neither gives the signal that they want the bouncers to interfere yet. Now the floor is slick, and the pole useless since it's impossible to grip, so their options are going to be limited...

A particularly well dressed man is waving two thousand yen at Haru, so he makes a show of giving him his attention. The man taps a finger over his lips, looking _highly_ intoxicated and pleased with himself as he asks for a kiss.

Haru is not kissing anyone but Makoto on New Year's.

Or any other time for that matter.

He's in a mood now though, feeling more and more jaded with every drip of his costume.

Leaning in, he deliberately rubs his fingers through the mess on his chest, wetting them so that when he brings them up to trace his lips, the transfer is guaranteed. Slowly, keeping his mouth parted and eyes sultry, he gets his face within a finger width of the man's, and then runs the single digit in between their lips.

He guesses it would be considered an indirect kiss, since the last thing his finger touched before the man's lips was his own. Bending down and being _right there_ is just adding to the foreplay, so to speak. Haru's not sure when he does it if it will actually get him the two thousand yen, but it's worth a shot. The man comes away with blinking eyes and a mouth smeared with silver glitter. He tucks the bill into Haru's g-string with a huge grin right after that.

Apparently, the move looks appetizing enough that _several_ more guys pull out yen to request it.

Haru vaguely feels like he's scamming these lecherous morons out of their money, but then he remembers that he doesn't care.

Maybe if he wasn't falling under the 'nameless fuck hole' category in their minds right now, it would be different.

Haru notices Georgia giving out the same treatment on his side of the stage, and is glad. He deserves to make just as much for putting up with this shit too. Plus, it means less people Haru has to do it for, now that he's started it.

Just as Haru is turning away from his co-worker, he catches it out of the corner of his eye.

The guy Georgia is teasing fingers over suddenly rips them away and forces the stripper to kiss him for real. Unfortunately, his years of experience mean it's probably not the first time it's happened to him, but he still looks stunned. Haru stands up right away and looks to the nearest spot where a bouncer is supposed to be stationed.

He only has a chance to meet Sousuke's eyes before a hand grabbing his ankle suddenly makes him lose his footing. The champagne everywhere gives him no way to keep his balance, and he falls backward, roughly hitting the pole on his way. He has a feeling that will leave a bruise, but it's not his most pressing concern right now.

Haru flips over onto his stomach, because the guy Georgia just smacked is trying to pull him off the stage.

There's no traction for Haru to stand with the speed he needs, so he just hooks one arm around the pole while reaching for Georgia. Their first attempt to grab hands ends in nothing but a mix of silver and gold across their palms. Haru figures he only has one more chance at this, and hopes Georgia is on the same page.

They manage to lock elbows on the next try, though Georgia's lower half is already over the edge. Not a good position. He can tell the redhead's concentration is focused on kicking behind him, so Haru does everything he can to pull him back up on his own. Someone is _kissing_ over Haru's calves, and they keep coming back even after being kicked away... Unless it's a different person each time...

The thought is not helpful to Haru.

Suddenly the crowd gives way to a mass of men in black shirts though, and Haru feels Georgia's grip slacken at the same time his does. Instinct is overriding everything else in Haru's brain at that point, so the move he makes into Sousuke's arms is nearly a jump from the platform. Other bouncers are carrying away Georgia too, and 'taking care' of the crowd while Haru watches over Sousuke's shoulder.

His view is cut off by the door that leads backstage shutting behind them. Sousuke doesn't set him down right away though, he takes him all the way over to the mirrors, so Haru can sit. It must be some sort of standard hold for bouncers to carry their rescued strippers with. Georgia is brought in the same way, one arm securing him against a massive shoulder. Haru supposes it leaves their other arms free, in case they need to punch someone or something.

“Hey, you alright?” Sousuke asks him. Haru doesn't think he's imagining the actual concern in his gaze, and he nods.

“Yeah, I'll be f-” Haru pauses, meeting teal eyes in a shared knowledge, “... _ok_ ” he amends. Sousuke seems to be having a hard time not smiling at that, so Haru humors him, and gives a little quirk of his lips first, to make it ok. Sousuke does give him a worried smile back, and nods. He knows better than to push anything while at work though.

“I'm getting too old for this shit...” Georgia sighs once he's set down, rubbing at his face. Haru doesn't know exactly how old Georgia is, and he's always gotten the feeling asking another stripper their age is kind of like asking a girl.

It's rude, so just don't do it.

Haru feels like he should acknowledge the man in some way, but nodding might make it seem like he's agreeing with him being too old... Thankfully he's spared trying to come up with a resolution to the situation when Georgia turns to him.

“Thank you, Aki” he says in general, but with _meaning_ , his eyes betraying his tiredness. There's no need for them to talk about any of the specifics of what _almost_ happened.

“It was nothing” Haru nods, brushing off the implication that he did anything _heroic_. It's actually the bouncers they have to thank for truly saving their skins. He looks up at Sousuke, who's still hovering near them, along with the guy who carried in Georgia.

“You're the ones who got us out” Haru gestures, noticing Sousuke still looks pretty concerned. He receives a nod back, but anything further is cut off by another bouncer coming in with wads of cash in his hands.

“Hey, we picked up whatever we could” he says, setting the crumpled funds on the counter. Both strippers look down, but Haru doesn't seem to be missing much. Georgia lost one of his garters though.

“Most of it's probably yours” Haru offers right away, not sure he lost enough worth caring about in the fall.

“Benefit of the doubt?” Georgia says, pushing a small amount of the pile toward him. Haru decides to accept it, since it's mostly hundred yen notes. He's sure Georgia had more worth needing to be 'compensated' for happen to him tonight than Haru did.

Guys like Makoto have nightmares about being dragged to the depths of the ocean, but for them, it's being dragged off the stage.

The door leading back into the club opens to admit the rest of their fellow strippers a moment later, and the sounds of yelling and breaking glass can be heard behind them.

“Boss says all but one of you needs to get back out there” Kane says to the bouncers a little shakily, holding a cut on his forehead.

“Shit” Georgia jumps up, going for the first aid kit. Both of the other bouncers look at Sousuke, who immediately nods to them.

“I'll stay here” he says, as if it's some sort of code. Haru's too overwhelmed by the turn the night is taking to wonder about it that much. He gets up to help Georgia with Kane's cut, since the redhead's hands are starting to shake pretty badly. Sousuke takes up a position by the door, presumably to defend it if things get _really_ bad.

“Sit down, I've got it” Haru tells Georgia, reaching to take the gauze and rubbing alcohol from him. No fight is put up about it, the man just sits down on the floor in the midst of everyone. Haru makes a mental note to tend to him next, because there are clearly _limits_ being reached all around tonight. Kane hisses as Haru cleans his forehead, but he sits for it with no real complaints. Haru's taping the gauze on, when a snippet of one of the conversations around them pierces his awareness.

“I know, right? We haven't had this kind of excitement go on in a long time” one of the others says, as if this is _fun_ they're having. It's one of the guys Haru never normally talks to, because he's _odd_ and has a decidedly dark sense of humor that Haru does not enjoy.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Ume says, turning to the guy in disbelief. Haru is glad someone is bothering to point out how messed up that attitude is, but starting a confrontation back here is not a good idea.

“Hey, Ume?” Haru calls out, drawing his attention, “Can you look around for a blanket?”

It makes most of the guys focus on him for _speaking up_ , but Haru is unfazed. Ume takes in the situation for a moment, his eyes flicking to Georgia sitting limply on the floor, and then he nods. Haru asks if anyone else has injuries while Ume searches, and a couple guys come forward with more cuts and scrapes. When Ume comes back, Haru drapes the blanket around Georgia's shoulders, even though they're still covered in glitter and champagne.

“Sorry” Georgia says with a sigh, not looking up, “I was never as good at this stuff as Riki was.”

Haru isn't sure there _is_ any response to that, so he just squeezes Georgia's shoulder.

There's a knock at the door leading out to the club a few minutes later, and Sousuke slides open the view slot, to make sure of who it is. Then he closes it and opens the door, allowing several bouncers in at once. There's no more fighting noises coming from out there, so Haru takes that as a good sign. The music that normally blares over the whole floor cuts out a second later, and it's like a sigh of relief runs through all of them collectively.

They're done for the night.

“We're already cleaning people up over here” Sousuke motions the bouncers with injuries over to where Haru is. He follows them, looking as if he intends to take over.

Haru continues to help though, because it'll get done more quickly that way. Thankfully there are no broken bones, but one guy does get sent to the hospital for stitches.

“You have any training?” Sousuke asks him, motioning toward the scrape Haru is rinsing out with a bottle of water.

“No. Makoto's horrible with blood though. If the twins fall or whatever, I'm usually the one who patches them up...” Haru pats the area dry before trying to apply the gauze and tape. Most of the injuries in a bar fight are too large to be dealt with by band-aids. There's not much to do for the bruises, so it doesn't take them too long to finish.

Haru takes a moment to rub at his own face and hands with a napkin when they're done, trying to remove the worst of the glitter. Because of that, he doesn't see most of the thoughtful looks being directed his way. Even if his co-workers had been used to him speaking in general, _opening up_ is not anything that's expected of 'Aki'.

The boss comes in a minute later and officially dismisses them early. He certainly has his hands full, but does manage to make a hurried assessment before ducking back out to the floor.

“Sousuke, Remi. You guys take Aki and Georgia home” he orders after briefly seeing their states. Remi is the same guy who carried Georgia in as well, now that Haru thinks about it. Sousuke gives him directions to Georgia's place, since Georgia still seems a little out of it.

It's not until Haru turns to gather his things, and sees that he has a message on his phone, that it hits him.

“I can't go home like this” he suddenly says almost fearfully, emotion showing through that he wouldn't normally display, because of the severity of the situation. He can't even pick up his clothes without being afraid to smear glitter all over them. Not to mention that he reeks of alcohol. Sousuke looks stumped for a moment, so Haru lays it out for him.

“It's New Year's Eve, they're _waiting_ _up_ for me, I can't...” he gestures toward his midsection, “They think I _stock shelves_ for a living” he continues, covering one eye as if the thought of being discovered is causing him physical pain.

“Hey, hey, easy... We'll get you cleaned up then, ok?” Sousuke assures him, talking to him more calmly than Haru thinks is really necessary... But his own tone sounds just a bit more hysterical than he meant for it to, so who is he to judge?

Ume comes over with another blanket, and a couple plastic trash bags.

“Here, this'll keep your stuff clean...” he offers, scooping Haru's things into them. He doesn't say anything as he offers the blanket, and Haru eyes it warily.

“If you don't mind, to keep my car clean...” Sousuke asks gently, taking the fabric from Ume and holding it open. Haru has to admit he can't think of any other way to keep it from looking like a unicorn bled out on his upholstery... So he sighs, and accepts the covering being wrapped around him. Ume hands him his bag, and then Sousuke leads him outside, keeping a hand on his shoulder the whole time.

The ride is quiet, and when Sousuke says he's going to take Haru back to his place so he can shower, there's no argument. Haru's never been there before, but he does have kind of a vague idea which part of town it's in.

“I think I gave an indirect kiss to Makoto's principal” Haru says into the silence, staring at the ceiling of the car. The lights going by are just making him nauseous for some reason.

Probably because he doesn't ride in cars that often.

“Do you think he recognized you?” Sousuke asks, glancing at him with a concern that manages to come off as stoic. Haru doesn't wonder how he does it.

“I don't think so.”

The man probably wouldn't have recognized his own mother, he was so drunk, but Haru isn't in the mood to elaborate. All these things go without saying. Men get blindingly drunk in strip clubs, the sun rises in the east... There's no point in getting worked up over it.

Sousuke's apartment is in a nice, clean neighborhood, with well manicured plants and smooth roads. Haru notices none of it as he tries to get inside as quickly as possible. The fewer residents who see him, the better. It's well past two in the morning, so he hopes most people of the respectable persuasion have already gone to bed by now, even with the holiday.

Few things in his life have ever felt as good as the hot spray of water from Sousuke's shower, rinsing this night down the drain. He has things to do though, so Haru gets to scrubbing, hoping the hot water holds out long enough for him to finish. It takes over a half hour, but eventually he's free of the invasive glitter.

Tearing into the trash bag, he's mildly surprised at how large the separate bag of money that falls out of it is, while he's looking for his clean underwear. Every stripper brings a pair with them to stash with their clothes, just in case of any 'accidents' with the g-string.

Some of the bills are probably going to need cleaning off, before he dares to spend them... It'll have to wait until the twins are out of the house at some point though, or else _questions_ are sure to arise. Most of this is intended to be saved for tuition anyway, so it's not a huge issue.

Haru dries his hair as thoroughly as he can with the towel Sousuke left for him, but what he really needs is a hair dryer. It's cold this time of year, and showing up with wet hair would be almost as difficult to explain as full body glitter.

Well, maybe not _quite_ as difficult...

Haru pulls his pants on and exits the bathroom, to see if Sousuke owns more advanced grooming devices. He's always well kept when Haru sees him, so he wouldn't put it past him.

When he gets into the sparse living room, Sousuke has already changed into normal clothes, and is sitting on the couch. A tablet is propped up on the kotatsu while he Skypes, but from this angle, Haru can't see who he's talking to. He makes a small noise in his throat to let Sousuke know he's in the room, but he doesn't want to _interrupt_ per se, since he's the intruder here. He figures Sousuke will wait until there's a break in the conversation to respond...

Instead, Sousuke sees him, and immediately looks startled.

“Oh, I thought you'd be longer...” he says, taking his focus off the screen. Haru starts to go ahead and ask for a hair dryer, when he hears Rin's voice.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, is someone else actually there, _with_ you on New Year's?...” Rin asks, sounding snarky, “I thought for sure your antisocial ass would be spending the night _alone_.”

Sousuke seems to have realized his mistake about two words into Rin's declaration.

“Ah, he's just a friend, from work...” Sousuke tries to clarify, looking _caught_. Apparently Rin is one of the few things that can put off his normally composed demeanor. It's sort of amusing, actually.

“Sousuke, you _dog_. Is he hot?” Rin asks next. Haru's pretty sure from the way Sousuke blushes, that he heard the undeniable hint of jealousy in Rin's voice just now too. Haru is tempted to throw his glitter covered g-string in Sousuke's lap, just to see what Rin would do... But Sousuke rolls his eyes and hastily hangs up on him with a decisive “Bye, Rin”, which is really probably the best thing he could have done.

“I didn't mean to ruin your chat” Haru tells him.

“I shouldn't have answered in the first place. I just saw it was him, and thought you'd be a while...” Sousuke shrugs.

“Do you have a hair dryer?” Haru decides to finally get back on topic, since the 'Rin' one is so loaded.

“Yeah, sure, let me get it for you.”

Back in the bathroom, Haru plugs in the device, and winces when he tries to raise it up to his head. It doesn't feel like he's _badly_ hurt, but some of the muscles and stuff in his back are definitely tweaked from hitting the pole. He was fine washing his hair a moment ago, so it must be the added weight that is too much. He switches hands, and is able to finally get started drying.

When he looks up to the mirror, he sees Sousuke watching him from the doorway with a stern expression.

“Don't let that go” he says. Even though Sousuke's wisdom in the injuries area is hard won, he's just not in the same situation Haru is.

“Doctors cost a lot of money. It'll heal up on it's own” Haru says, looking away from Sousuke's no-nonsense gaze.

“Don't try and tell me the school district doesn't offer medical” Sousuke sighs, as if Haru is grasping for reasons to avoid it.

He's really not though.

“For _family_ , they do” Haru doesn't bother to try hiding the slight bitterness in his voice, because really, Sousuke should know better. The small satisfaction Haru gets from the way those teal eyes widen is petty, and makes him feel tired all of a sudden.

“I'm _young and spry_ , I'll be fine” Haru reiterates, to take the edge off the unfairness. Sousuke advances on him, but strangely Haru doesn't feel threatened at all when the man lifts up the back of his shirt roughly.

“You've got a bruise that makes it look like you were run over. You're not going to be able to hide that from Makoto” Sousuke says, playing his trump card.

Haru frowns at him.

“...If it gets bad, I'll go” he capitulates, sort of, hoping it's enough to get the man off his back, literally. He really has no intention of stepping into a doctor's office any time soon though, unless Makoto forces him. Thankfully he has methods that will work with Makoto, that won't with Sousuke...

“I guess... That's as much as can be expected from you, isn't it?” Sousuke asks him, crossing his arms and shaking his head at Haru's continued uncooperativeness.

“Pretty much” Haru confirms, switching the hair dryer back on. He purposefully ignores Sousuke's presence after that until he goes away, but the man doesn't seem upset with the treatment. He's probably put up with worse from Rin over the years, Haru tells himself.

Not that it makes it ok for Haru to do it...

“Um, by the way... Thanks...” Haru tries to be more civil when he finally heads back out to the living room.

Sousuke nods.

“No problem, that's what I'm there for” he says more gently than his height would indicate he's capable of.

“I mean, here, too...you know” Haru shrugs, because it sounds like the least dramatic way to thank Sousuke for letting him wash the sins of the world off of him before he goes home to his family.

“Actually,” Sousuke grins a little hesitantly, “Boss _did_ say for me to take you home, so I fully intend on charging him for the entire time until you get there.”

Haru can't help but give at least a tiny, half smile in return, seeing the small twinkle of conspiracy in Sousuke's eyes.

“In that case, do you want to play some video games first?” Haru says seriously, and the mood lightens even more once it's out of his mouth.

“Don't you have a hot date to get home to?” Sousuke questions him, continuing the teasing atmosphere.

“Did you just call my boyfriend hot?” Haru frowns while gathering his things, as if he's hesitating between joking and getting upset. Sousuke puts his hands up in self defense.

“Sorry, sorry... But you know, if you don't want people thinking your boyfriend is hot, then you probably shouldn't have such a devastatingly attractive one” Sousuke tells him flatly, as if Haru's actions are the problem here.

“Well, he's the one who chose me, he could have had anyone...” Haru admits, remembering his own shock at their first kiss.

“He's lucky to have you though” Sousuke says as they're heading out the door, “Most guys wouldn't do half so much.”

Haru waits until they're in the car to respond, just because he doesn't like having conversations of any significance out in the open.

“Actually, they're the ones who always 'did' for me. I'm just returning the favor, if anything...” he says, thinking of how much pain in his own family the Tachibana's sheltered him from, each in their own way. Sousuke seems to accept that, and doesn't pry any further. It's something Haru has come to like about the guy. He respects silence, and doesn't try to find things to say just to break it.

When they pull up in front of Haru's apartment complex, Sousuke offers to walk him to the door, but Haru declines.   
“I'm sure if you dialed Rin back, he'd answer” Haru tells him, “...And thanks again.”

Sousuke nods, and looks like he's seriously contemplating Haru's suggestion. Haru hopes he does call Rin back, because the international swimming star is probably moping around his room about the disconnected call right now.

As soon as Haru gets in the door, he's pulled back into the world of laughter and happiness, all things enthusiastic and innocent.

The twins hug him first, and start asking if they did anything to celebrate New Year's at his work. He must not be in as good of control as usual, because he can see the shadow that passes over his face reflected in theirs.

“Give Haru-chan some room, you two” Makoto gently eases them aside, and Haru knows he needs to think especially fast right now.

“It's just, uh... I kind of... Fell off a ladder at work...” he winces out, figuring that will cover for the bruise too, in case the twins see it at some point. Makoto immediately looks like he's about to spring into action, to do what, Haru's not sure even he knows, but Haru appreciates the sentiment.

“It wasn't from very high up or anything,” he says over worried exclamations all around. “I hit my back on one of the shelves though, and it's kind of sore” he admits. Makoto is probably imagining all kinds of horrible things that this story is covering for, so when the twins volunteer to get him some ice, Haru accepts. A light embrace, considerate of his injured state, wraps around Haru and pulls him close.

“It's not that bad, I really did just fall...and hit _a_ pole” Haru whispers to him.

“Why did you fall?” Makoto whispers back, too smart for Haru's good. Or maybe it's that he's smart _enough_ for Haru's good... “And why do you smell like coconut?”

Haru mentally kicks himself for not rinsing off better in Sousuke's shower, but it's too late now.

“Some champagne got spilled... I slipped, and it was all over me... I had to take a shower before I came home” Haru trails off especially quickly since the twins are hurrying back into the room. Makoto gives him a squeeze, not too hard of course, but his eyes are firm and demanding.

“Ok, Ren, Ran, you need to be off to bed now anyway. I'll help Haru-chan with the ice” Makoto tells them. Maybe it's because of their worries over Haru, but both twins go to bed with surprisingly little fuss. Makoto steers Haru into their own bedroom, and begins helping him out of his clothes.

Haru does his best to move normally, hoping Makoto will understand it's not as bad as it looks.

“ _Haru-chan_...”

He hears his name released in a soft, worried breath behind him.

“I'm ok” he says, his voice small because Makoto's fingers are tracing a surprisingly large area down his back. Haru hasn't exactly seen what it looks like, so he doesn't volunteer any comments about it's appearance.

“Lay down” Makoto instructs him, guiding him gently onto his stomach. The cold press of the ice pack is placed on him next, and Haru actually makes a small sound at how good it feels.

“Are you telling me the truth, Haru?” Makoto asks, his tone still soft, but with a fearfulness creeping into it. Haru closes his eyes.

“Everything I've told you is true” he answers, knowing that's not what Makoto wants to hear.

“So there's more you haven't told me then?”

Sometimes Haru forgets that Makoto works with kids, and has a really good sense of when they're hiding something. He sighs, knowing he can't keep these kinds of things from him forever. Not without damaging his trust, anyway.

“The champagne... The crowd started spraying us with it... And once we were down, they tried to drag us off the stage” Haru admits quietly, still not going into _everything_... But he wants to kind of gauge how Makoto handles just the major points.

“Are you serious?!” his boyfriend places a protective hand on the small of Haru's back, which is one of his favorite gestures in the world.

“They attacked you?! Oh my god, are you, are you ok? How did you get away?” Makoto's voice sounds as if it's already devolving into tears, and Haru knows he's not going to be sharing any more _detail_ tonight.

“I'm fine, really, Makoto” he assures him, reaching to take his hand, “Sousuke and the other bouncers broke it up, got us out of there. The boss shut things down early because of it, so I showered and came back.”

“I'm not stupid, Haru” Makoto tells him, tears streaming as he lays down, putting an arm over him, “You can't be _fine_ , you were almost _raped_ , that's not _ok_ -”

“ _Makoto._ Don't.” Haru interrupts him, rolling so the bag of ice falls off. He puts his arms around Makoto too as he pulls him closer. “I _wasn't_. I'm alright” he says forcefully, not liking that Makoto spoke it out loud. It doesn't do anything to help though, because his boyfriend still ends up sobbing as they lay clinging to each other.

“You can't keep doing this” Makoto's voice trembles even after the sobbing is over.

“It's been years, Makoto, and it's been fine...” Haru tiredly argues with him. He knows Makoto isn't thinking clearly right now, and once the emotion of the moment is gone, he'll realize there's no other way for them to keep this lifestyle.

“I want you to quit...” the grip of strong arms tightens even more around Haru. It feels so good, but he just can't let himself give in.

“I don't want to” he says gently, knowing his own desires are paramount here. It would be _nice_ of course, if he _could_.

But he can't.

“I won't work any more New Year's Eves again though, ok?” he offers, stroking Makoto's hair.

“Haru...”

There's nothing in Makoto's saying of his name that Haru can refute, so he lets the silence be it's own stubborn answer. His boyfriend sighs, worried and defeated, and Haru kisses his forehead.

“I love you” he murmurs with his lips still pressed to Makoto's skin.

“I love you too, Haru-chan...”

These days, Haru doesn't have the heart to tell him to drop the 'chan' anymore.

 


	8. Chapter 8

It takes a couple of years, but Rin's mother beats the cancer, much to all their relief. The showing Rin makes in the Olympics right after that beats all his previous records, as if in honor of it. Visits are still few and far between from the redhead, but when they do see each other, it's good. Rin's in a much better place now, as is Haru.

Haru still strips of course, but he decided to work toward eventually getting out of the business. With Makoto's encouragement, he started culinary school last year. They're able to afford it because Ran surprised them by winning a mathematics scholarship to an all girls school just outside the city. Makoto and Haru were a little hesitant at first, but both Ran and Ren assured them it would be fine.

They may be twins, but they're not attached at the hip, after all.

It took a thorough tour of the school, testing of it's pool, and an impromptu health inspection of it's cafeteria, before Haru was put at ease about it. Makoto made sure to meet all the teachers and talk some shop with them, as well as peruse the library. Haru wasn't sure Ran was taking the need for their approval as seriously as they were, but it all worked out in the end. She'd always been the most independent of them anyway.

Now it's just the three boys at home, and in one more year when Ren graduates from his high school, only Makoto and Haru will be left. The twins actually plan on going to the same college after this time apart, and Haru is glad. Ren is entirely too sweet sometimes for his own good, just like his big brother. Even though Haru is officially the shortest now, there's no doubt in his mind as to who will be killing any rogue bugs found in the apartment. Or investigating strange noises outside. Or chopping up any vegetables that happen to have the likeness of faces on them...

At least Ren has some decent friends to hang out with, even if they're into things that have absolutely no appeal to Haru. Like skateboarding. Ren actually has a good amount of athletic ability, even if he isn't on the swim team. Ran says she doesn't have time for sports, and Haru believes her. Just the thick stack of math, physics, and chemistry books piled on her desk when they visit is enough to convince both he and Makoto. She's been keeping up excellent grades this whole time too, so neither of them are about to argue.

Haru's grades are good as well, though it's a slightly different set of metrics. He chose his particular school based on the fact that it offered a very hands-on intensive degree. Which means very little homework. He still has to _work_ after all, and take care of a dozen other little things day to day that all start to add up eventually. He misses getting to _sleep_ sometimes, but Haru feels like he can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

“Can I ask you a favor?” Sousuke stops Haru before he leaves the club one night. It makes him pause mid-step, because Sousuke asking things of other people is about as rare as, well, as if Haru were to ask for a favor himself...

“Sure” Haru says, giving him the benefit of the doubt. It probably is something related to the club anyway, since their only real interactions are at work. And Haru owes the man too much to deny a casual request.

“It's about this weekend,” Sousuke begins, “I was wondering if you guys could be a little late when we meet up with Rin...” He seems to run out of words in his explanation, but then Haru realizes he's waiting for a response first.

There's only one reason Haru can think of that he would want just a few minutes of alone time with Rin, before participating in the group event.

“You're actually going to do it” Haru quirks an eyebrow, making it a question due to the gesture instead of his tone. Sousuke takes a breath, as if he's going to need it for everything he has to say, but then lets it out rather anticlimactically.

“Yeah...” He sounds more resigned than anything.

Haru keeps staring at him until he volunteers the rest of it.

“I just... I'm tired of waiting. He's not going to notice on his own... He may not even come back here to settle down, and I'll be waiting for nothing...” Sousuke doesn't seem to get that his statement makes it sound like he's _waiting_ for Rin, but maybe he's just in so deep that he doesn't care. With Rin stopping here to see them on his way out of the country, it does present pretty much the perfect opportunity. If things go well, then Haru is sure Rin will be returning quickly and with greater frequency. If it goes badly somehow, then he and Makoto can act as a buffer until Rin takes off again.

“Ok” he nods, agreeing to the unspoken but clearly understood plan. Sousuke blinks at him, as if caught off guard by his quick and succinct approval. He seems glad though, being reminded of just who he's talking to here, and how little talking is actually needed.

“Thanks” Sousuke tips his head toward Haru, and that's the end of it.

 

It's barely even noon that Saturday when Haru gets a call he never expected.

“H-Haru-nii-chan...” Ren's voice is warbling and strained, as if he's been crying before this and will be again immediately afterward. “I f-fell on my s-skateboard, and, b-broke my a-arm...”

“Where are you?” Haru says, cutting to the chase more forcefully than he knows is really a good idea with Ren, considering his condition. But he needs information and he needs it now. So he pulls the card that allows him to use an 'authority figure' tone with the boy.

“The hospital...” Ren answers in a small voice.

Haru breathes a slight sigh of relief, because at least action has already been taken to help him, and Ren's not calling from the bottom of the half-pike.

“Nii-chan... They c-can't get a hold of Oni-chan, h-he's not answering...”

Makoto is off at a swim meet with the team, and Haru knows for a fact that the pool they went to is an indoor one. With all the noise he may not be hearing his phone, or he could have even done something silly like left it in his bag...

“I'll be right there” Haru assures Ren, jotting down the name of the hospital on his way out. He was going to go to the market, but it can easily be put aside for now. It helps that he was already two shoes away from being ready to walk out the door because of that. Haru mentally re-writes a bit of his list on the way over, to accommodate more of Ren's favorite dishes. Makoto tries to be as little of an inconvenience as possible when sick, but being younger, Ren does like some pampering.

There's also the issue of just how bad of a break it was too. Haru's never broken a bone, but he assumes that worse breaks will take longer to heal... He also worries about how traumatized Ren will be if it was _really_ bad, with a lot of blood, etc. They wouldn't have let him make calls while still being tended to, so he must be feeling bad enough to still be crying about it after the fact. Which also means the nurses on staff have probably heard Ren's entire life story by now, because he rambles when he gets upset.

It only takes about twenty minutes for Haru to make it to the main entrance of the hospital. When he asks for Ren, they direct him to the area for emergency room waiting. Then he has to ask the nurse there where Ren is again. By the time he finally tracks him down, Haru is a bit frustrated, but not overly so. He tries not to let any of that show through to the teary boy.

Ren is in a large room with lots of hospital beds in it, divided by curtains. These are for the recovering, less serious patients. Haru has to spend a few minutes hugging and shushing him before anything else. The nurses going by give them sympathetic looks, but no one interrupts them at first. Ren does calm down a bit, and manages to tell Haru the story though some hiccuping and gestures with his good hand.

“Are you Ren-chan's older brother?...” a nurse finally stops to ask. Haru knows he and Ren look nothing alike, but he's hoping maybe the boy's state will garner some sympathy and they'll let him leave with Haru.

“Yes” he states emphatically. It looks like this lady might be willing to go along with it, but Haru doesn't get his hopes too high...

“The doctor has to go over a few things with you before he can go, I'll let him know you're here” she nods, patting Ren's good shoulder. Haru just nods and looks concerned, because saying anything more might break the spell of her cooperativeness. They're told to wait, because the emergency room is always busy, and it will be a few minutes before the doctor can get to them. Haru texts Makoto explaining he's there with Ren, just in case the hospital left him any vaguely terrifying voice mails.

He doesn't get a reply though.

Miraculously, it only takes about thirty minutes for a man in a white coat to approach them. Haru's eyes lock with his, but even as socially inept as he's always been, Haru _knows_ calling him 'Riki' would be a faux pas. So they just stare at each other for a split second, surprise written on both their faces.

“You must be Ren's...brother” Riki says, snapping out of it first. His tone sounds as if he's just confirming the sham, not that he believes it. The truly awkward part is that he holds his hand out to shake while they bow to each other. Thankfully he goes on before Haru has a chance to embarrass himself.

“I'm Dr. Miyoshi, Hirotaka” he says his given name slightly softly, as if it's carrying some special meaning.

“Nanase, Haruka” Haru feels a small blush on his cheeks to say it, but he's not about to be anything but honest in return.

“I see” Riki, or rather, _Dr. Miyoshi_ , says, nodding, “Ren told me all about his Nii-chan while we were setting his arm...”

Haru is fairly sure the look on his face is the equivalent of 'deer in the headlights', because seriously, the kid talks _way_ too much... Dr. Miyoshi smiles though, and it surprises Haru by reaching his eyes. That's something he's never seen before.

“The swimmer, artist, and now student chef, who's given so much for their family...”

“It's my family too” Haru answers softly, not contradicting, but just letting him know the truth of the matter.

“And you work nights...while going to school during the day?” Dr. Miyoshi, _Riki_ , asks him. Haru can hear the unspoken 'still' in his pause, and wonders how much of a conversation like this they can really have in front of Ren. He nods, unsure if that will be the end of it or not.

“Well, it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate” the doctor seems willing to get back to the business at hand, and turns his attention to Ren. Haru listens carefully, about the type of break and expected healing times, all that. He can't say he's really disappointed that Riki seems to want to keep things professional. It's easier that way, really.

“And now, Ren, if you don't mind, I'd like to discuss the issue of unhealthy sleep patterns with your Nii-chan, if that's ok with you?” Dr. Miyoshi says seriously.

“Oh, uh, sure...” Ren agrees with hardly a sniffle. He's much calmer after having Haru's presence to solidify him for the last half hour.

“That's a good boy, we'll be back in just a few minutes” the doctor says, tilting his head for Haru to follow him. Apparently more of a conversation than Haru had been expecting really _is_ going to be had... A few doors over, in a private, unoccupied room, Haru is finally alone with his former co-worker.

“So, how _is_ your sleep?” Riki asks, quirking an eyebrow.

Haru frowns at him.

“I'm serious, _Aki_. Do you have trouble dozing off... Staying asleep once you do... Any nightmares?...” he prompts, looking Haru straight in the eye in a way that Haru finds incredibly invasive. He looks away before answering.

“No. I'm fine.”

Riki doesn't look convinced.

“When was the last time you had a physical?” he asks next, looking Haru up and down and pulling out a stethoscope.

“Senior year” Haru answers honestly, not seeing what difference it makes.

“Of college?”

“High school.”

Riki sighs, and begins listening to Haru's heart and breathing, shining lights in his eyes and asking him to stand on one foot.

“My balance is fine” Haru finally speaks up, bordering on insulted. Riki backs off right away, but seems pleased Haru let him do as much as he did.

“Can I give you some advice?” he asks, sounding for all the world like he's going to give it no matter what Haru says.

“As a doctor?...” Haru responds, finding this conversation suddenly feels familiar.

Riki looks at him appraisingly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“As a doctor, _and_ a former stripper...” he says evenly, as if trying to keep Haru from bolting.

“What, you're going to tell me to quit?” Haru frowns at him again, just feeling generally on edge about this whole thing.

Riki shakes his head though.

“No, I don't presume to know all the details of your situation, as much as Ren shared with us... I didn't peg you for a family man, by the way... Anyhow, I was going to suggest that as soon as it's reasonably possible, whether you've quit or not, that you get some professional counseling...” Riki has the _audacity_ to tell him.

Haru scoffs under his breath.

“It messed me up in ways I never even realized, _Aki_. I'll be honest with you. Being treated like that all the time... _I_ almost ruined a perfectly healthy, loving relationship, because I didn't understand my own actions and feelings anymore. I didn't know I was hurting on that level, because I spent so much time switched off...” he elaborates, and suddenly that piercing gaze is back, making Haru have to turn away from it.

“I don't mean to upset you, I just...I know it's the same for you as it was for me, with the being able to switch off. I just want to share one more thing with you, and then I'll let it go, ok?”

Haru glances at him out of the corner of his eye, waiting, because what can he really say?

“People who switch off have to do it because they _do_ care, Haru. But eventually it'll lead you down one of two paths. Either you'll start having trouble switching off because things have built up too much, or you'll be switched off so much that you'll get stuck in that mode all the time” Riki says with a finality that makes it clear which of the two is a more horrible prospect in his mind. Haru feels rather like he's being lectured by his teacher back in school, when he wasn't done anything wrong.

“I'm not going to promise you anything” Haru tells him, like he shouldn't be surprised.

“They have low cost sessions, for people who've been victims...” Riki says far too casually, but keeps his gaze trained on Haru for any giveaway.

“Victims of what?” Haru turns, getting fed up with this. If he's going to go there, Haru's going to damn well make him say it, and watch Riki's own reaction too.

“Of sexual assault, rape, different kinds of abuse” Riki says, his face concerned.

“I can take care of myself” Haru mutters, not seeing anything given away by the older man either.

Riki sighs and just looks at him for a moment.

“Does Sousuke still work there too?” he asks, and somehow, it doesn't quite feel to Haru like the subject's been changed...

“Yeah, he does...” Haru answers.

“Good.”

Riki pulls out his phone and checks the time, seeming to make the decision that any further interrogation is not likely to yield much result. He hands a business card to Haru before they head back out.

“Look, just in case...” he says, and it's understood this isn't an offer of becoming _friends_ or anything, just someone who's been there being willing to help. Haru can't begrudge him that, as uncomfortable as he was with the rest of the conversation. So he takes the card and shoves it in his pocket.

“Are we done?” Haru asks kind of sullenly.

“I don't know, are you?” Riki asks him back as he starts walking. Haru decides to go ahead and follow him, only because Riki has proven he won't say anything too bad in public.

“I still have a year and a half left in culinary school” he confesses, as if that's the timeline his entire life revolves around. And in a way, it does.

“Just make sure that when you're done, you're _done_ ” Riki admonishes him, as if he has a say in it somehow.

“I will be” Haru sighs, because that was the entire point of it from the beginning.

 

When they get back to Ren's side, Haru is surprised to find that Makoto is there hugging him and exclaiming over his cast. His boyfriend's eyes light up with thankfulness and love when they see Haru. He's almost embarrassed for Riki to see the way Makoto looks at him, even though it's genuine. Haru's never even stopped to think if that is a normal response before... Before Riki asked him if he was having emotional problems. But Haru's always had problems with emotion, so he decides not to think about it too hard. He can't afford to do that just yet.

While they check Ren out, Makoto explains why he didn't answer his phone, and Haru pretends he didn't impersonate him to the nurse.

“And he used up the entire charge playing some flappy-bird game on the ride over, and I couldn't hook up my phone to the car charger until we got back on the bus...” Makoto tells them. Haru just nods, while he and Ren do most of the actual conversing. They decide things aren't serious enough that anyone _needs_ to stay home with the teen... He does get the luxury of ordering pizza for dinner though, since Haru couldn't go shopping after all.

They don't have time right now, but Haru does promise to draw him something 'cool' on his cast in the morning.

 

Haru completely forgets that he and Makoto were supposed to be late for picking up Rin, until they're already at the train station. Actually, it's not even until they see Rin and Sousuke standing on the platform that it clicks in Haru's brain. The two of them are kissing earnestly, right there in front of everyone, so Makoto gets it pretty much instantly too. The way Rin's arms are wrapped around Sousuke, Haru assumes he's reciprocating.

About time.

Talk about cutting to the chase, Rin couldn't have arrived more than five minutes ago...

It's odd, but Haru realizes as he and Makoto are sneaking away, that a knot has loosened in his stomach. He would never have admitted to being nervous _for_ Sousuke, but apparently Haru feels better knowing that the two are on the same page.

He texts Rin a minute later, telling him that unfortunately, Ren broke his arm, so he and Makoto are going to have to cancel. Rin's reply is full of expletives, just as a standard, not directed _at_ anyone in this case. But he does tell them to wish Ren a speedy recovery for him. Haru is fairly sure Sousuke won't mind them bailing out in this situation. One of these days maybe they'll trade phone numbers themselves, but it hasn't really come up yet.

Since they're already out, they decide to make it a date for just the two of them. It's nice, getting to have the time alone with just Makoto. They usually try not to rub their couple status in front of Rin and Sousuke, so those times aren't the same as a normal outing for them. Haru reaches out, since he can, and takes Makoto's hand while they walk. His boyfriend beams at him in surprise, clearly enjoying it being initiated.

Sometimes it's a blessing, and sometimes a curse, being able to read all these subtleties in each other so well.

Haru doesn't think there's anything worth getting worked up over, that he happened to be the one who moved first. But Riki's admonishment of issues you don't even know about makes a little seed of doubt spring up in the back of his mind. He thinks while they walk, about the last time they held hands, and the time before that... It's actually been longer than he thought since they have. So maybe the frequency has decreased, especially since they were kids, but that's not necessarily weird...

Except that Makoto was surprised for Haru to take his hand.

He consoles himself with the knowledge that he still initiates most of their cuddling, even if they aren't having sex as much as they...used to...

Haru did not mean to come to this internal realization while they were sitting down to Italian. He holds it in while orders are being decided on, but he can't keep these stupid _facts_ from popping up in his head of their own will.

“Are you ready to order, sir?” their waiter asks. Makoto looks to Haru, checking his readiness before answering, though it's normally perfunctory. Haru is _selective_ when it comes to food, so he normally knows what he wants right away.

“No. I need another minute” Haru tells them, not lifting his eyes from the menu.

Makoto hardly ever touches the small of his back anymore, the way he likes. Haru himself hasn't sat Makoto down and _made_ him let him give him a massage in a long time. Haru can see a pattern he never noticed and most certainly does _not_ like, emerging in their lives. He has no idea what's going on though, or why.

He ends up ordering manicotti because it's the first thing his eyes land on when the waiter comes back. Makoto gives him a little bit of a look, because trying new things is not Haru's _thing_ , and there's not even any fish in it... Haru isn't sure how to even say _anything_ at this point, because he feels like he's getting lost more and more in his own head. The seriousness he's feeling inside doesn't match the lighthearted atmosphere around them at all.

Not knowing what to do, he looks up at Makoto, letting him see his confusion. Makoto leans forward, concerned uncertainty now written on his face as well. He puts an arm on the table, a silent invitation for Haru to take his hand again if he wants to.

And finally Haru gets it.

Makoto has always been a man of casual, loving touch. He's always held hands, hugged him, run his fingers through Haru's hair without even thinking about it. For him to have stopped, for him to have to think about it now, means something changed with _Haru_.

Reaching out, Haru takes the offered hand across the table, lacing their fingers together and squeezing tightly. He watches the skin of his knuckles turn white under the strain, and Makoto reciprocates, his strength easy and firm.

“Haru... Do we need to go?” he asks softly, keeping his voice pitched so no one else will hear. Haru blinks at how quickly Makoto is still willing to do whatever Haru wants, and then shakes his head, not looking away from their hands. Makoto's thumb begins rubbing against his skin, and the firm pressure feels so intimate that Haru blushes a little.

“Later...” he manages to tell him, sending what are certainly mixed up, confusing signals to his boyfriend. Partly because Haru barely understands himself. He feels like he just swam face first into an ice burg, and there's definitely more waiting under the surface.

“Ok, Haru-chan... Do you want to skip the movie then?” Makoto volunteers. Normally Haru would make a point of insisting they go, because he doesn't want Makoto to be so self sacrificing. But he has a feeling they both need to talk about this, even if Makoto doesn't know about _what_ yet...

So he nods, promising with his eyes to make it up to him later. Makoto nods back, taking that as an indication of the seriousness of the matter. He doesn't let go of Haru's hand, and Haru is thankful for it. The pressure eases, but they do spend most of the meal with hands clasped, even while eating. Things aren't uneasy, but Haru can tell Makoto's curiousness has an edge of concern to it.

He wonders if he taught that to Makoto too... To tread so lightly with him in these ways that Haru wouldn't usually pick up on. But he's always kind of done that, Haru realizes...

When they get home, Ren is asleep on the couch, half a pizza sitting on the coffee table and the TV still on. He looks comfortable enough, so Haru goes to put a blanket over him, only to find Makoto beats him to it. Instead he turns off the TV, and waits for Makoto by the hallway. Questions are already starting to bubble up in the brunet's eyes as he approaches Haru, but they both know they're waiting until they get in the bedroom to talk.

Makoto sits down on the bed as soon as they get there, and patiently searches Haru's eyes while waiting for him to begin. It seems like too much, and not the right place to start, to suddenly blurt out 'why don't you touch me anymore?' with no warning... So Haru stands silently for longer than he should, because _words_.

“Haru...” Makoto breaks the mounting silence, “Is it something about what happened to Ren?”

Haru starts to say no, but then catches himself. If Ren hadn't broken his arm, then he wouldn't have run into Riki. He supposes he should think of him as Dr. Miyoshi now, but he knew him as a different person for so long...

“The doctor who set Ren's arm... I used to work with him...” Haru admits, staying too far away from Makoto's position on the bed for his own liking. His feet don't seem to want to move though. That's the main reason why Haru doesn't drink, because he doesn't like not being in control of his body. So it's vaguely disturbing to him that this is happening for no reason right now. He frowns at his legs.

“So, what were you two talking about?” Makoto asks gently, connecting the dots.

“Uh, sleep habits... Being healthy... Stuff like that...” Haru shrugs. He looks at the distance between them one more time and closes his eyes. “Makoto?”

“Yes?...”

“Why don't you...” Haru opens his eyes, feeling his throat constrict around the words. Suddenly they seem _accusatory_ , and he doesn't want that, not at all. Makoto gets up off the bed and comes to him, and Haru is immensely grateful.

“Tell me, Haru-chan. It's ok” he whispers, like he's been waiting for this and isn't afraid. Haru doesn't know how he couldn't be. Haru is terrified right now.

“You looked surprised. When I took your hand. And...” Haru swallows. “I started thinking... About when we hold hands, and, there used to be a lot more than that. But I don't mean like sex, just... Even though we haven't been doing that as much either...” Haru spills out half of several different trains of thought, because they're all connected in his mind and he can't bring himself to say the entirety of any of them. He uses his eyes to virtually plead with Makoto to understand without him saying any more.

One of Makoto's large, warm, safe hands comes up to cup his cheek, and Haru leans into the touch. It takes him a minute, but Haru realizes Makoto is actively watching his reaction.

“I had a feeling... That you didn't know you were doing it...” his boyfriend smiles in a way that manages to be both comforting and sad all at once. Haru's heart nearly breaks just seeing it, because it's all his fault.

“A while ago... Over a year. I noticed you were tensing up when I touched you sometimes... Especially if I came up behind you...” Makoto gives him the information about himself hesitantly, because he knows Haru won't like it. He puts an arm slowly around Haru's waist while he says it, drawing him close. Haru wraps his arms around Makoto right away in return, almost clinging.

“But I love you” Haru says seriously, like he's arguing with himself for having let _things_ get misplaced like that. He believes Makoto of course, and now that he thinks about it, he can remember being startled a few times where it seemed to startle Makoto as well...

“I know, Haru-chan. I never doubt that, ever. I love you so much too... It just seemed like, maybe you needed some space...” Makoto tells the top of his hair, because Haru is resting directly against his chest now.

“Not from you” Haru tells him adamantly, hugging him tighter. The pressure of Makoto's arms increases too, and god, it feels so good... Haru just holds onto him as long as he can, until small tremors are running through his arms from the effort. Makoto's grip decreases just slightly, feeling it, testing to see if Haru is ok with letting off a bit to relieve it. Haru loosens his arms a little, but stays holding on, stays hugging him with his eyes closed tight.

“Haru... I looked into it at work... And they'll cover me and my 'significant other' to have _couple's_ therapy...” Makoto would be whispering if his voice was any softer. Haru's eyes fly open, the nerve there raw from being poked twice in one day.

“I don't need counseling. I just need you to hold me, ok? Just, keep touching me...and...and keep being in love with me” Haru hears his voice getting thick, but his best efforts won't hold back the tears in the corners of his eyes.

“Always, Haru. I'll always, _always_ love you” Makoto swears passionately, giving one more squeeze with his arms before kissing Haru. The passion in Makoto's words pours over onto Haru's lips, and he drinks it in greedily. It's been a long time since they just _kissed_ , made out like this to the point that the apartment could be on _fire_ and they wouldn't notice.

Haru's missed it more than he has words for.

It's not exactly a stunning admission, that he's speechless... But there's a difference between not being able to get the words out, and not having any to begin with. It's just a twisting in his gut, an ache in his heart, letting him know he can't live without this. Without Makoto.

“Haru...” Makoto breathes his name out in to his mouth, and it feels heavy as it slides down Haru's throat, fills his lungs. Like it was more than just air. All Haru can do to answer is open his eyes and peer willingly up.

“I want to touch you all over... Is that ok?” Makoto asks. There's a definite warmth and heat between them, but it feels more possessive than sexual. Like Makoto is asking to re-stake his claim to every inch of Haru's skin. Beginning to tremble involuntarily at the thought, and not giving a damn if Makoto can tell, Haru nods quickly.

“ _Yes_.”

He's _carried_ over to the bed after that, and kissed breathless while all their clothing is removed. Haru feels _good_ underneath him, a content, loving affection that works it's way in deeper with every caress. Makoto's hands slide up his sides, massaging any free skin he can find while their chests are pressed together. Even his legs rub soothingly along Haru's, their ankles twisted together for every ounce of comfort available.

Makoto is half hard, though Haru is still completely flaccid against him. He doesn't feel any pressure to escalate things, which he's glad for. Not that he doesn't want to have sex. It's just, he's really enjoying the intimacy they're sharing just like this. He feels slightly bad that his body isn't responding the same as Makoto's though, because he's never had a problem with that before. His boyfriend seems to sense his plight, and volunteers to be the one to speak.

“It's ok, Haru-chan, you just make all of me happy sometimes...” Makoto smiles, rubbing their noses together like a little kid again. “I'll be just fine. This is what I want, right here” he says, somehow burrowing himself even more closely against Haru's skin. Haru smiles, and when they fall asleep later, they're still holding onto each other tightly.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be sure to see the updated tags before reading this chapter. My apology is at the end.

Haru still refuses to 'see' anyone professional, but he feels like he and Makoto have worked through the touch thing a lot on their own in the past months. It's hardly necessary to pursue, since they addressed and dealt with the issue by themselves. Haru wouldn't want to tell his life story to some stranger behind an expensive desk anyway.

He's not sure if it's healthy or not, but he feels like as long as he keeps a firm wall between 'work' and the rest of his life, then he'll be fine. Haru doesn't put it in those words to Makoto, because he does have an _inkling_ that it's probably not on the 'healthy' end of the coping spectrum... He only has one more year of school left though, and then it won't be an issue anymore.

 

It's a Thursday night at the club, so one of the slower ones, when Haru gets a special request. These two guys have been celebrating their anniversary tonight, and have picked _Aki_ out as their favorite. It's one of those scenarios where bending the rules to make a little extra cash is common, so Haru doesn't really think twice about it. There's supposed to only be one person per lap dance, but they agree to pay double to make up for that.

It's not something Haru understands, how a person would want to come to a place like _this_ to celebrate their anniversary. But there's a lot about people he's never understood. Sousuke is doing his round as the guy assigned to the lap dance area, and he quirks an eyebrow as Haru goes by with the two men in tow. Haru just nods at him as he closes the curtain behind their little party.

He doesn't normally go for the stuff that's considered gray area, so he can see how Sousuke would think it's abnormal. But these two are incredibly drunk, and thoroughly intoxicated people give the best tips... Haru feels no shame in working his position to it's fullest advantage. That's what they're all here for, right?

Haru dances for their appreciation, and they tuck a nice amount of money into his g-string for the effort. One of them gets up after a minute and starts dancing with Haru, letting his hands wander about as much as a typical drunk. The other stays sitting, watching with lust filled eyes and shifting in his seat. Looks like somebody as a bit of a voyeurism kink... Haru rolls his eyes internally at the thought though, because of course most guys who come in here probably do.

The man dancing with him begins to steer Haru over toward his companion after a moment, as if not wanting him to be neglected. Haru goes along with it, straddling the sitting man's lap while the other grinds against his ass from behind.

“Mmm, beautiful...” the man sitting beneath him swipes a thumb under Haru's eye, peering into its depths.

This is one part Haru has never been good at, eye contact with those he holds contempt for. Most guys aren't looking at his face, so it's normally not a huge problem. He just looks away in this case, before he reveals too much and kills the mood.

Hands come up from under his arms, smoothing along his skin, making him think he's just being felt up.

Haru has bad instincts.

The first thing he does is frown when he feels the hands on his neck.

The next moment they're cutting off his air entirely, and the angle his arms are pinned up in makes them virtually useless. He still tries hitting at the guy behind him, rage surging through his veins. Then the man he's kneeling over rips at the strings of his underwear, pulling them off with a grin. Haru's being held down over the guy's lap by the force of the arms from behind, so he can't get away.

Suddenly Haru realizes he's never felt real _panic_ before this.

His throat is throbbing as he tries to thrash, but the man behind him is too strong for that.

The man below is fondling him roughly as Haru's mind reels.

He can't believe this is happening, except for the fact that his lungs are starting to burn from the lack of oxygen. Tears start leaking out the corners of his eyes as he feels fingers being shoved inside him.

He must be in shock.

That's the only thing he can think of to explain his inability to react to the man unzipping himself. He does realize though, that if there's any amount of struggling he can give as a last effort, it needs to be _now_.

Instead of trying to injure either man, he uses his legs to shove against the lounge with all his might. He hopes against hope that the struggle will make enough noise to alert someone. The man behind him swears as he's pushed off balance, but his hands don't slacken.

Dark spots are swirling in front of Haru's eyes as he hears the sound of the mirrored wall shattering.

Then the next thing he knows, he's on the floor, and there's yelling all around him.

Haru doesn't know what they're saying, he couldn't possibly _care_ , because suddenly he can _breathe_ again, and it's the only thing in the world that's relevant. He pulls in air as fast as he can, even though his throat makes a horrible sound and it _hurts_ when he does it.

Two lungfuls and a good deal of coughing in, he realizes he should probably still be trying to escape, in case it's not over.

Someone tries to stop him from getting up by placing a hand on his shoulder, and Haru takes a blind swing at them. He can't speak past the awful noise his throat is making, to apologize when he realizes it's actually one of the bouncers.

Without words, he's quickly picked up carried out of there, taken backstage while he buries his face in black fabric.

If he keeps his head down, then he won't have to be reminded of the life he leads all around him.

Backstage, he's set far away from the door, on one of the seats for the mirrors.

Like it's standard procedure or something.

His throat still hurts, but he's able to breath a little easier at this point. At least the noises are down to more of a gasp-like level. Haru glances up without realizing it, because that's what you do when you're put in front of a mirror. His neck is covered in a mass of red, already darkening marks.

The reflection looks surprised to see them, and its' hand reaches up to brush the skin. That confirms they are indeed real, because even that small pressure makes the pain flare again.

When the hand in the mirror retreats, it's shaking.

Haru looks away.

Someone puts a blanket over his shoulders, and he clutches at it, trying to bring the shaking under control. It's a losing battle, because every time he uncurls his fingers from it, it seems to be getting _worse_. He gives up on that then, and just closes is eyes, trying to breathe.

A hand on his back makes him jump, and Georgia looks infinitely sorry that he frightened him.

Not that Haru was frightened.

He just wasn't expecting it, that's all.

The door that leads out to the stage swings open a second after that, before anyone around Haru can really speak.

“Let go of me, I said I'm fucking _done_ already.”

The crowd parts as if they all know where the man who just came in is going to be headed. Sousuke is throwing the hands of other bouncers off of him as he makes a line for Haru. They let him go, but Haru thinks he knows why they had a hold of him.

Sousuke looks _pissed_ , and his knuckles are covered in blood.

Haru just blinks at him, not knowing what to say even if he could talk.

“Give him some space” Sousuke orders, and everyone moves away at his command. “Georgia, get him some water” he barks as he kneels in front of Haru.

“Water” Haru croaks out and nods, surprised he can utter the word.

Sousuke looks a lot more horrified to being seeing Haru with the blanket around him than Haru is to see Sousuke with the blood on his hands.

After wiping them off on a towel, Sousuke puts his hand on Haru's shoulder. Haru doesn't flinch this time though. When Georgia returns with an unopened liter, he hands the bottle to Sousuke first. Haru tries to reach for it, but his hand is still trembling once he lets go of the blanket.

“Here, I'll get it for you...” Sousuke pulls it back and opens it for him, and Haru isn't in any position to argue. He finally grasps the plastic, and takes a long swig of it. The cool sensation soothes him, even though it hurts to swallow.

He doesn't like the small breathlessness it produces afterward though.

Clutching the bottle, Haru stares at the liquid left for a moment. Then he tips his face up and dumps the rest of it over his head.

It runs over Haru's face far too briefly.

It streams down his neck, oddly soothing on the outside too. He can feel tendrils of it sweeping through his hair and down into the cloth of the blanket. Once it's all gone, he tips his head back down and just breathes, letting the bottle fall to the floor. Haru actually feels a little calmer now, but then again, water has always had that affect on him.

Everyone but Sousuke is looking at him like he's losing it.

Not that he cares.

“I'm calling Makoto now, ok?” Sousuke says to him, like that statement is supposed to be reassuring. Haru's head whips up again though, his eyes flashing.

“No” he says forcefully, “Not like this.” It strains his throat, bringing the pain back, but he absolutely cannot handle Makoto seeing him right now.

“And don't do anything stupid like call the cops either” he mutters less forcefully, his eyes falling shut as he tries to force his brain to be able to _think_ again. He needs to get a hold of himself and make some sort of plan... He should get dressed maybe, because that would be warmer than this blanket...

When he opens his eyes a few seconds later, Sousuke is looking at him with a very concerned expression. Haru frowns at him, because that look _means_ something on Sousuke's face, and he doesn't think he's done anything to deserve _that_...

“Haru... You know I only moonlight here, right? I started out just to pay bills while I was in the academy, and ended up staying...” Sousuke says in the softest voice Haru's ever heard him use.

“You're a cop?” Haru's reply is still rough, so he swallows, trying to clear things out of it that only time will heal. Sousuke nods, his eyes seeming to be searching for something in Haru's face.

“Oh...” Haru has to admit it's a bit of a revelation, but it totally fits. He should feel bad, he thinks, that they've been basically more or less _friends_ for a while now, and Haru didn't know this...

Then suddenly a scene from a few years ago pops into his brain, and he finds he can't get it out.

Unwarranted laughter begins to echo up out of him, and Haru covers his mouth with his hand, surprised at it's presence on his lips. It won't go away either, so he finds himself laughing uncontrollably while Sousuke rubs his back.

“Oh god... The ride-along thing makes so much more sense now...” he wheezes, because wow, is he fucking dense. His voice cracks a little between the laughter and the pain it produces, and he starts to put his hand to his throat. Thankfully he remembers not to actually _touch_ it, and it just hovers shakily in front of him for a moment. He wishes he had some more water to drink, but doesn't regret pouring it over himself at all. Once he stops laughing, he'll ask for some more.

Or maybe he's crying now, and he'll ask after _that_ stops.

It's hard to tell.

He assumes it's Sousuke hugging him, because he wouldn't be letting anyone else do that to him.

 

Eventually cops that are in uniform do show up, and Sousuke shows them his badge before anything else. Questions are asked, and pictures taken. Haru hadn't realized the entire club was shut down over this.

But then he sees the blood splatters on the floor of the room he was in, and he doesn't question it anymore.

When the other officers ask Sousuke why he beat the guy to within an inch of his life, Haru glances over to see his face.

Sousuke is the very picture of calm composure as he meet's the on-duty's eyes.

“He kept resisting.”

“And you had shown him your badge?”

“Yes sir.”

 

They let Sousuke take Haru to the hospital on his own, because he refuses to get in the ambulance. Apparently his attackers were already hauled away in a different one, and officers are 'watching' over them. Sousuke makes sure of what hospital they were taken to, before setting out with Haru for a separate one. It's just to get checked out, so if they go a little out of their way, it'll be ok, Sousuke assures him.

Even though Sousuke makes sure to keep Haru in the loop of what's going on, Haru rarely responds. That's another difference between them. Sousuke seems to be able to interact with the people around him without hesitation, whereas Haru can only muster it when he needs to for others.

“Are you sure you don't want me to call Makoto?...” Sousuke asks him one more time.

It's the only thing spoken on their ride over, because Haru doesn't answer him.

Sousuke sighs, but he doesn't ask again.

Haru was able to get dressed in his normal clothes before they left, but even so, he feels like he's still naked while they wait in the hospital. Thankfully with Sousuke's influence, he's able to be looked at soon, having been part of a _crime scene_.

At least it's not the hospital Riki works at.

From the looks he's getting, Haru is pretty sure the marks on his neck have only gotten darker.

The doctor expresses his sympathy while _examining_ him, and gives him a pamphlet on dealing with the psychological aspects of _trauma_ before he leaves. Haru considers throwing it away right there in the hospital, but he's fairly sure Sousuke would frown at him and fish it out of the trash.

The ride back to Haru's apartment is silent.

His head is filled with a buzzing white noise that keeps him from thinking. He tries occasionally, to grab bits and pieces of thoughts, but they keep falling away. Haru just can't seem to care enough about anything to hold it in his mind right now. All of existence is reduced to the upholstery of Sousuke's car, and the passing lights.

“I'm walking you over” Sousuke says once they arrive, brooking no argument as he shuts off the engine.

Haru's operating on the principle that muscle memory is all that's been allowing him to walk at all tonight. He doesn't have the will, or knowledge, or strength to make _arguments_ , even if he wanted to. He doesn't care if Sousuke follows him, so it's really not an issue. He's just, _drained_.

At the door, Haru pulls out his keys to unlock it.

“Do you need me to go in for a minute?” Sousuke offers.

“No. It's late. _I'm_ late” Haru tells him, voice still weak and jagged sounding, knowing it's hours past when he normally returns. Sousuke nods, letting it be his decision. Then he puts a hand on Haru's shoulder, because the moments for hugging between them are long gone.

“Call me, if you need anything” he says, squeezing gently. Haru nods.

“Thanks...” Haru just lets the words fall away. There's nothing more he could ever ask of Sousuke, now that he's helped save Haru's life.

They leave it at that, and Sousuke waits a few steps away while Haru actually gets inside. Haru assumes he leaves after the door closes.

The apartment is dark, but comforting in a way.

Nothing here has changed irrevocably while Haru was gone.

Part of him wants to wash off and then just sit in the tub until sunrise, which is not that far off... But he's exhausted, physically and mentally. To the point where the only thing keeping him moving forward is the thought of bed, and that Makoto is waiting there in it.

Inside their room, he looks over the lump of covers that is Makoto while he undresses. Leaving his clothes in a pile, he crawls in, his presence easily accepted by sleepy habit. Haru presses his back close to Makoto's front, pulling a strong arm around him. He feels a nuzzle at the back of his head, and a murmur of “Haru-chan...”

But Makoto doesn't quite wake up all the way, and suddenly Haru is relieved.

Maybe just for a few hours, he'll lay here and pretend _this_ is all there is to his reality. A warm bed and loving boyfriend. No tears, no explanations... No bruises and pending _charges_... Haru wills himself to just breathe, just breathe in and out for a few minutes... He's not able to really fall asleep, but he sort of feels like he's resting.

Light creeps in under the curtains a few hours later, and Haru feels Makoto stirring before his alarm is about to go off.

Something very near to panic squeezes around his heart, and Haru finds himself pulling the covers up over his head, huddling them around him so only his face peeks out. His heart is racing so badly it's making his neck throb, and he has no idea what he's doing.

Thirty seconds later, Makoto is finally woken the rest of the way by his phone beeping. It's Friday after all, and he has class to teach and swim club to coach. Haru can feel his boyfriend beside him stretching, but he doesn't move from his cocoon.

“Morning, Haru-chan” Makoto sighs contently. “You didn't wake me last night...” he adds afterward, and Haru can almost _see_ his frown. It's one of their agreed upon rules, and Haru doesn't ever break it.

“Not feeling good” Haru croaks out, staying wrapped up tightly.

“Oh, Haru-chan... You sound pretty bad” Makoto instantly switches from scolding to concerned, putting a hand on the outside of Haru's blankets. Haru doesn't respond, because he knows the more he lies, the worse it will be. He just can't quite bring himself to put the charade aside entirely.

Makoto asks him if he needs anything four different times while he's getting ready for work, but Haru just grunts and keeps his eyes closed. He feels weak and virtually repulsive for not being honest with him.

But he's not sure he can handle the look he knows he'll see in Makoto's eyes once he finds out. Not just yet anyway. Maybe after a little time, after a good soak, he'll be ready for the crying then.

Makoto kisses his forehead, and Ren waves from the doorway when they finally leave. Haru waits for the sound of the front door closing before crawling his way into a sitting position.

He needs to get in the water, first and foremost.

The blanket slips a little, but he takes it with him into the bathroom.

It's fairly cold this early in the morning, no other reason.

 

Outside the apartment, Makoto and Ren unexpectedly run into a familiar face just getting out of his car.

“Morning, Sousuke, what are you doing here?” Makoto asks him conversationally. Sousuke frowns at the cheery tone, and glances at Ren, wondering if maybe it's for his sake.

“I couldn't sleep... With everything that's gone on...” Sousuke shrugs, watching Makoto carefully. The man nods, but he obviously doesn't have a clue.

“Oh, did you come to see Haru about something? He's actually pretty sick this morning...” Makoto tells him, sounding apologetic that Sousuke's wasted his time.

More than anything else, it's anger that Sousuke feels.

He has to take a deep breath and remember not to direct it at Haru though. He's not intentionally trying to hurt the people he cares about by doing shit like this. Sousuke discovered years ago, entirely by accident, that Haru was actually a fairly good person.

“Ren, why don't you get going to school, while I have a talk with your brother here. You wouldn't want to be tardy” Sousuke says, looking at Makoto and not at the boy. Ren glances at his brother, who just nods slowly, and pats him on the shoulder.

“It's ok, I'll catch up with you later” Makoto says, encouraging Ren to move on.

“Actually, I might need your help today,” Sousuke interjects, “But I assume Ren is old enough to get himself there and home without any trouble.”

Makoto nods again, looking confused, but deferring to the obvious secrecy Sousuke is set on keeping. They stand there and stare at each other until Ren has turned the corner out of earshot. Makoto starts to open his mouth once his brother is gone, but Sousuke talks over him.

“He didn't tell you?” he asks, because if Makoto knows, then nothing more than that is necessary. If not, then this isn't a conversation to have out on the sidewalk.

“Tell me what? You mean Haru?” Makoto's chest tightens at the thought of something being _hidden_ from him.

“Inside” Sousuke says, nodding succinctly. Makoto goes with him back to the door of the apartment, unlocking it for them. As soon as they get in, the sound of running water stops both of them from saying anything at first. Sousuke puts a hand on Makoto's arm, keeping him from heading for it right away.

“Go easy on him...” he says softly, making sure it won't carry over the sound of the water. Makoto nods, and Sousuke can see the first beginnings of outright _worry_ creeping over his face.

He's right to be, so Sousuke doesn't say anything to dissuade him from it.

When they get into the doorway of the bathroom, Haru is sitting on the lid of the toilet, rocking back and forth just the slightest bit. It looks almost in rhythm with the pouring sound from the faucet, and entirely unconscious on his part. He has the giant comforter wrapped around him, but with one arm stuck out, dangling his hand in the fall of water. Because of that arm being out, the fabric is pulled low enough to reveal the myriad of purple and blue over his neck.

“H-Haru!” Makoto exclaims, rushing forward.

The man in question stops staring at the water lifelessly, and his eyes widen.

 

Haru is not ready to deal with this.

He pauses with his hand in the water, but as Makoto rushes him, he pulls it out. Maybe it looks like he's pulling away from him at another angle, but that's not how he sees it. Sousuke makes no move toward him, but Makoto's bag hits the floor as he falls to his knees in front of Haru.

Then the look hits. The horror, the sadness so deep it's nearly hopelessness... Haru _hates_ that he put that look in Makoto's eyes. He's been doing everything he can since the Tachibana's died, to _get rid_ of that look.

Haru turns his head away, even though it twinges, because he's just not strong enough to let this be real right now. He looks at the water longingly, though the tub is only half full.

Makoto reaches for him, and Haru is afraid he's aiming to run his fingers over the marks on his neck. It makes him jerk back, and Makoto freezes before even really getting close.

“Haru, what happened?” Makoto manages to demand to know, though his face is streaked with tears, and his voice is quavering.

How much Haru loves this beautiful, physically strong, yet delicate man cannot be overstated, so he tries his best to answer him.

“I... Was attacked” he somehow gets out, voice raspy, and he can't look at Makoto while he says it.

“That's not all...” Sousuke speaks up from the doorway, staying as neutral as he can in his correcting. Haru's jaw tightens, because he already went over this part of it with all of them when he had to tell the police what happened.

“It was just fingers” he contradicts quietly, but finds he doesn't have the fortitude to roll his eyes like he wants to.

“It doesn't matter if it was fingers or a dick or a broomstick. Rape is rape, Haru” Sousuke tells him almost angrily. It vaguely makes Haru wonder just what kinds of things the man has come across during his day job over the years...

Haru doesn't agree with the assessment though, so he stays quiet.

If anything, Haru feels like he did escape the _truly bad_ scenario last night.

You know, the one where he could have been raped by both guys while unconscious, and then left for dead.

“Oh my god... _Haru_...” Makoto says his name in a tone that Haru knows means he can't believe this. Not what Haru went through, but that Haru didn't _tell_ him, tried to _hide_ it, didn't _trust_ him. That's not what Haru means for him to take out of it though.

But he doesn't know how to explain to Makoto that he just can't deal with holding things together right now...

Makoto is crying, and broken heartedly clutching the comforter between them after Haru's denial of his touch. Haru is afraid of what will happen next. So he puts a hand up, running it through Makoto's hair.

“Shh. It's ok” Haru tells him in rough, halting syllables. Of course he can't think of anything but platitudes, as usual. His hand shakes a little, but he goes for a second pass while Makoto's face is getting dangerously close to falling apart completely.

“It's ok...” he reiterates, closing his own eyes for a moment. He tries to take a deep breath, but the effect on his throat is not calming. There's just nothing left in him to draw on for comforting. When he opens his eyes again, he looks over at the tub, wishing he was in it. If it keeps filling with no one paying attention, it'll over flow eventually, Haru supposes.

“Hey, you were going to get cleaned up, right?” Sousuke interrupts.

Haru forgot he was here.

He blinks, and watches Sousuke turn off the water for them. Then Sousuke puts a hand on Makoto's shoulder, urging him to stand. Makoto gives Sousuke a questioning look through his tears, and Sousuke nods toward the door.

“You take your bath, Haru. I'll give Makoto the details, and you join us when you're ready, ok?” he says with authority, not letting it be the question it sounds like.

Haru can't help but catch just the slightest edge in his voice, but it's not anger anymore he thinks. It sounds like he's holding back... _disgust_ , almost... Even though Haru hasn't been able to think straight for a while, the implication is clear to him. Maybe his mind is finally clearing a bit. Sousuke obviously doesn't think very highly of Makoto right now, for falling apart like this.

“Hey” he tries to say too loudly, re-straining his already raw windpipe. He can't touch his throat, because that will only make it worse. So he settles for holding the back of his neck while hunched over, trying to alleviate the pain. Sousuke pauses, giving him a moment for it to pass, to say whatever he needs to. Makoto wipes at his face, trying to get his crying under control.

“Just... Go easy on him. Ok?... I, love him...he loves me...”

What Haru means is that he can't live without Makoto. So Sousuke better not mess this up, as much as he apparently wants to help. Haru would only be left with more of a disaster if the 'talking to' Sousuke seems to want to give, ends up breaking Makoto completely.

Besides, Rin has plenty of flaws, if Sousuke wants to start casting aspersions on each other's boyfriends...

Haru is spared having to _go there_ by seeing the look that suddenly comes over Makoto's face in that moment though. His boyfriend blinks a couple times, but before he can say anything, Sousuke puts a guiding hand on his arm.

“Come on, we'll talk out here.” Sousuke looks over to Haru afterward and nods, indicating he'll go along with the request to 'go easy'.

Probably anyway.

In Haru's state, that's enough for him, because his energy for even the most dire things is quickly spent. He nods back, even thought it twinges, and then pushes up out of his blankets. He already has one leg in the gloriously hot water before they make it out of the room. Haru doesn't know how to take the fact that the door is shut so firmly behind them, so he lets the thought fall out of his head along with everything else.

He just, needs something to stabilize him a little right now. And the water is apparently going to be it. At least he got a small dose of Makoto's arms around him earlier. The water's embrace is his last resort at the moment. He doesn't normally go for _hot_ baths, but he just hasn't been able to get warm yet for some reason. As Haru eases himself in, he thinks about submerging, but decides against it. He doesn't want to do anything to hamper his breathing, at least for a little while.

Leaning back, he rests against the edge with a weary sigh. It's too bad he doesn't have a straw or reed or something, like in the cartoons. That way he could be underwater and still have air. In an effort to get as much out of his bath as possible, Haru sinks down until just his face is above the waterline.

His mistake is immediate and slightly terrifying.

The heat against his neck feels _boiling_ , and like hands are wrapped around it again. He sits up with a desperate jerk, gasping at the pain. He has to, _has to_ feel his neck to make sure there's nothing on it, and it makes it hurt so bad he actually cries out a little. His hands won't cooperate as he hauls himself out of the bath, making for the sink. They betray him further by refusing to cup the cool water for him either.

Stupid, frustrated noises come out of him, and Haru pulls the hand towel off it's rack instead, shoving it in the sink.

His throat feels like it's constricting, and he tries to take even, calming breaths to stop the tears. He's sure those will only make it worse. Just as he's shakily bringing the soaked cloth up to his neck, the door opens, with a concerned Makoto and Sousuke bursting back into the room. Haru's throat is making that awful wheezing sound again, but he didn't realize it until their stunned shock punctuated it.

Their faces are filled with worry.

“Haru?” Makoto comes to him right away. He doesn't do anything silly like ask if he's ok, and Haru appreciates it. He's too caught up in the feeling of relief the cold towel brings, to answer anything just yet. In fact, his knees feel weak, it's such a drastic change. He looks at Makoto, and then over to the tub, and then just sits down in the middle of the floor.

The wet tiles are cold, and he briefly wonders if there's a way he can stretch out that would put his neck in contact with them...

Then Makoto sits down with him, behind him, and pulls Haru into his arms. He doesn't try to touch his neck at all, just holds him firmly in his lap. Haru can feel his boyfriend trembling, but he holds on, even so.

Haru is more grateful than he could express in a lifetime of knowing looks or even words or anything.

He grasps Makoto's arm with his free hand, squeezing it in thanks.

“The hot water got on it?” Sousuke is on one knee in front of them, putting two and two together in a way Haru appreciates nearly as much as Makoto's arms. It keeps him from needing to try and _answer_ _questions_. It seems like ever since he got out of bed, his throat has just been getting more and more painful.

“The doctor said there would be some swelling for the first 24 to 48 hours” Sousuke says, probably for Makoto's benefit. “I'll get you some ice, ok? That'll be better than just a wet towel” he indicates, getting back up.

Haru trusts the man will be able to find his way to the freezer and an ice pack on his own. Apparently Makoto does too, because he makes no move to get up either.

“...So, you already went to the hospital... That's good, Haru-chan...” Makoto whispers to him. Haru wouldn't have gone if the cops, if Sousuke, hadn't made him, but he doesn't tell Makoto that. Apparently the 'details' conversation was cut short when they came back to investigate the awful, broken noises coming from the bathroom...

When Sousuke gets back with the ice, he kneels and holds it out in front of him.

“Do you want some help?” he offers. Haru removes the towel from his neck, and holds it out to trade without a word. Sousuke takes it from him, and wraps it around the ice as a buffer. Haru tries to take it back, but his motor skills still aren't cooperating properly.

Sousuke and Makoto share a glance, and then Makoto helps him to gently place it on his neck. Haru caught their look, but he's not sure he doesn't deserve the implication of helplessness.

“C-Cold” he stutters, partly because he is, and partly because he doesn't want them thinking the shaking is permanent.

“The ice is too cold?” Makoto asks him. Haru shakes his head, but the motion is cut short by how much it hurts. Being _right there_ , there's no way Makoto doesn't hear the little noise of pain that Haru involuntarily makes. Sousuke seems to pick up on it too.

“It's hurting more to talk too, isn't it?” the kneeling man asks. Haru decides it's less pain to answer him with words than to aggravate his abused flesh with any further nodding.

“Yeah.”

“Ok... So we'll keep it simple then, and you can just give us a thumbs up if we're right, ok?” Sousuke suggests. His voice is the only even and steady one, but Haru doesn't mind, as long as Makoto keeps holding him. He gives a thumbs up in agreement, and Sousuke nods.

“Is the ice too cold?”

Haru does nothing.

“Is your body cold?”

Haru gives him a thumbs up, feeling relieved at the new method of communication. He focuses on his breathing again, and making it less ragged. He trusts them to fix the being cold thing in whatever way is best.

After being scared out of his bath, Haru is out of ideas.

“He's been naked most of the night, it's not surprising...” Sousuke sighs, standing up. He retrieves the comforter from where it fell earlier.

“Let's get him dried off and back in bed. You should probably change too, Makoto” Sousuke urges him. Haru realizes his boyfriend is probably sitting right in the puddle he made jumping out of the water. Makoto reaches for a dry towel, and begins rubbing it over Haru's skin. It feels good, so he closes his eyes and just lets it happen. Once he's done, Makoto has to let go of him for a second to stand, but then he picks Haru up and carries him back to bed right after that. Sousuke has spread the blanket out for them already.

“Does he have pajamas?” Sousuke asks, and Makoto nods.

Haru puts them on with a fair amount of help from his boyfriend. They don't even try to get a normal shirt on him, instead opting for one of Makoto's old flannel button ups. Honestly, Haru didn't even realize he was completely naked until he started putting the clothes on.

Sousuke's already seen everything and more though. Seen things Haru doesn't even remember properly himself. So he's not about to get shy about it now.

Haru tugs on Makoto's arm, to make sure he knows he's getting in with him. Makoto nods, kissing Haru's forehead and then taking off his shirt. It's wet too, from holding Haru on the floor. Sousuke's own modestly kicks in then, and he clears his throat.

“I'll go turn your thermostat up a bit” he says, excusing himself so Makoto can change his pants as well.

It's just the two of them while Haru crawls in, gets positioned. Makoto molds himself against Haru's back, and Haru can't help make a small noise at how good, how right it feels. He doesn't want to fall asleep with the ice pack on his skin, but he puts it back on just for a few minutes.

“It's ok, Haru-chan. I've got you. You're safe. I... I love you so much” Makoto whispers to him, giving a heroic effort to keep his voice free of tears. Haru doesn't care if it hurts, he's going to respond.

“Love you too” he whispers. His throat is so tight though, it comes out so quietly, he's afraid Makoto won't even hear him.

“Shhhh, I know, Haru-chan. I _know_. Don't try and speak anymore. I've got you...” Makoto murmurs back to him, his hold tightening. Haru laces their fingers together where Makoto's arm is wrapped over him, squeezing his hand in return. Then he lets the ice pack fall to the pillow, and just breathes. He can feel his body finally getting heavy with sleep, and doesn't try to fight it.

 

A soft knocking on their door wakes him hours later. Sousuke cracks it open and peeks in, and Makoto motions for him to go ahead.

“Come in, Sousuke, it's ok” Makoto says, and his voice doesn't sound sleepy at all. Haru wouldn't put it past him to simply lay there awake, holding Haru while he sleeps... And he's glad for it.

“Ren's home” Sousuke tells them softly, shutting the door behind him. Makoto sits up quickly, looking at the clock. Haru closes his eyes again and keeps a hold of Makoto's hand, so he can't pull away completely. It's a silent signal that he's not ready yet. Not for Ren to know, not to get up, not even for Makoto to leave the bed.

“It's ok, Haru-chan, I'm not going anywhere” Makoto settles back closer to Haru, but still half-up, just enough to converse with Sousuke. “Is he asking any questions?” Makoto wants to know about Ren. “He's not in my class, but I'm sure he knows they had to call in a substitute for me...”

“He seemed surprised that I was still here... He almost seems afraid to ask what's going on, actually, but I'm sure he knows something is up” Sousuke says. Makoto nods, accepting the summation. It's obvious, even to Haru who can't see his face, that he has no idea what to do.

“If you want” Sousuke volunteers, “I could just tell him there was trouble, but that you two are ok. Maybe take him with me for the weekend...”

“Sousuke... That's too much for us to ask of you...” Makoto begins, “But... I think anything else might be too much for Haru-chan...” he finishes, looking down at the man in his arms. Haru doesn't say or do anything, because he doesn't want to be thought of as being capable of making decisions just yet.

“It'll be fine. I'm good with kids” Sousuke nods.

“...He's eighteen, actually...” Makoto offers, just so Sousuke is aware. The man takes in the information with a tip of his head, like it does change things somehow.

“Ok, I'll come back in before we leave then.”

 

It only takes about twenty minutes for Ren to gather his things, and then Sousuke is back at their door.

“I can't even say goodbye?” Ren's voice carries through to them, but Sousuke doesn't let him in. Ren is Makoto's size now, but Haru would swear it's the ten year old version of him waiting out in the hall. It tugs at his heart in an uncomfortable way, because Ren and Ran are every bit his brother and sister too.

Haru pulls at Makoto's hand, motioning toward the door with it.

“Go” he makes himself say, because he doesn't want Ren to be scared more than he cares about the twinge of pain.

“Haru, are you sure?” Makoto seems to understand, but he looks torn. Haru just pulls on his arm again, reaffirming that he should move.

“Ok, I'll be right back” Makoto kisses Haru's temple, and Haru squeezes his hand in return.

Outside, Haru can hear their conversation, practically _see_ Makoto hugging Ren tightly through the wall.

“What's going on, Makoto?” Ren asks him, sounding terrified, “Why do I have to go with Yamazaki-san?” Just the fact that he's using his brother's given name speaks volumes about how upset he is.

“Ren...” Makoto's obviously lost for words, but he manages to choose a few careful ones after a moment. “Haru... Something really bad happened to him, and... He really needs me right now, ok?”

“What do you mean?” Ren wants to know, “Is he alright?”

“Take the hint, kid” Sousuke interrupts, using the bluntness he's allowed as a non-related adult, “It's something personal, and it's none of your business” he tells him flatly. Makoto is silent for a moment, but then Haru hears his voice pick up again.

“Look, Ren... Haru-chan needs us both to be strong for him right now. Can you do that?” Makoto asks seriously.

“Oh... Ok...” Ren answers.

“Thank you, Ren. Go with Sousuke then, and _be good_ for him” Makoto tells him, a rare _order_ and not a question.

“Ok, I will. Tell Haru Nii-chan I hope he feels better... Bye, Oni-chan...”

“I will... Bye, Ren. And Sousuke, no ride-alongs, please” Makoto asks him on their way out.

He must get the confirmation he's looking for, because Makoto's back in their bedroom a minute later.

Even though Haru slept all day, he's too exhausted to find the 'ride-along' issue funny again. Or maybe that means he's actually starting to come out of this, that it doesn't devolve him into hysterics this time... Either way, he does feel a little bit better once Makoto is back in bed holding him again.

If he closes his eyes, and Makoto kisses the back of his hair, he can almost pretend all the barriers between his two different worlds haven't been ripped to shreds.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.


	10. Chapter 10

Apparently Sousuke saw fit to intrude into Haru's life like never before after the incident. Not that Haru really minds that much. He's definitely going to think of, and save up, a well placed remark about cops who push the strict limits of 'laws' themselves. Haru doesn't have the energy for it now, but he assumes he will again some day. It's only been a couple of them, after all.

Sousuke _went through_ Haru's phone that first day and contacted his instructor, letting him know he was going on an emergency leave. He also _told the club_ Haru was going to be out 'indefinitely', as if it was his decision to make. And then of course there was the last, most unforgivable invasion of Haru and Makoto's space that he committed.

Sousuke cleaned out their fridge.

Not as in ate everything in it, but as in threw away a bunch of questionable leftovers and filled it with the strangest variety of protein drinks Haru's seen in a long time... He didn't even know they made mango flavored... When asked to explain himself on that last one, Sousuke defends it by informing them via text message that the doctor had recommended liquid meals for a while.

Haru can't say he remembers that.

But then again, the only thing he really does remember about the hospital is the alternating green and blue stripe pattern that ran horizontally along the walls.

He'll admit he's pretty thankful for everything Sousuke did for him while in that initial crisis mode. He will once he can talk properly again, anyway.

Part of it was providing that nudge and showing Makoto how to be strong for him too. Or maybe Makoto had to have always had it in him, for it to come out at Sousuke's urging in Haru's time of need...

It's going to be one of the hardest things Haru's done this weekend, coming out of his room once Ren gets back. They decided Makoto would brief him a little more about what happened first, since he's pretty sure to figure out that Haru was nearly strangled to death.

Haru's feet feel like lead when he finally makes his way to the living room. But Makoto is there, and Sousuke too, and he lets them do the talking for him. It's kind of odd to him, to realize just how much he _did_ talk to communicate, now that his speech is restricted.

Ren's eyes are wide as saucers, but he doesn't cry. He looks back and forth between his big brother and Haru for a moment. Then he and Makoto both move in, and Haru is being hugged by two pairs of loving arms. Haru actually takes a good deal of comfort from it, but has to break away before the squeezing becomes too much.

He's very protective of his breathing still.

Thankfully he's already well acquainted with the use of makeup, or else hiding the bruises would be difficult. Haru's still fairly sure that his neck looks a little 'off', but as long no one can see the billboard across his throat, advertising the abuse, then it's good enough. The worst of the pain passes before the week is out, though Makoto wants him to stay home for an entire one. It doesn't sound like he's been gargling nails anymore, so Haru thinks he should be allowed back to class.

In the end, Makoto gives in, just because he knows how important it is that Haru _learn_ everything they have to teach him. Haru gets quite a few looks as he's putting on his apron for the first time back, but his fellow pupils know better than to ask him anything about pretty much everything. Haru's never really been thankful for his naturally unsociable qualities until now. Now he just wants to be left alone and to finish his class work in peace.

 

After a week of being back to class, and two since the incident, Haru decides it's time to stop putting it off.

“What are you doing, Haru-chan?” Makoto asks, seeing him applying cover-up to the finally fading marks at the end of the day.

“Getting ready for work” Haru says firmly, because he knows what's coming, and has prepared himself for this argument.

He just can't look Makoto in the eye while starting it.

His boyfriend's jaw drops. Haru waits for Makoto to come out of his shock enough to respond, and keeps blotting gently at his neck.

“No, Haru. You, you can't be serious...” Makoto states and asks, as if it were Haru's memory that was damaged, not his skin.

“I don't want to quit school” Haru says with a sigh, having thought long and hard about this.

“That has nothing to do with you going back to stripping, Haru” Makoto sounds stunned, simply blown away by the conjecture. It's really quite clean cut in Haru's mind though.

“We can't afford it without me 'working'. There's a lot of things we can't...” Haru shrugs. He doesn't mean to insult Makoto at all, it's just the simple, mathematical truth.

“We can _cut back_ , Haru. And actually, I already looked into getting a second job. I don't want you going back there. I can't believe you'd even consider it” Makoto argues, sounding hurt.

“You already work full time. And coach” Haru shakes his head.

“The fire department has flexible hours. Evenings, weekends. It's actually a shift they really need more guys for...” Makoto informs him.

“You want to run into _burning buildings_?” Haru asks with his own disbelief.

“It's not all structure fires, Haru. They help in lots of other ways too.”

“You could _die_ , Makoto. How can you think that's better than me taking off my clothes?” Haru asks, starting to get angry.

“ _You_ almost _were_ killed, Haru! You're covering up the evidence of it _right now_. How can you not see that?” Makoto grabs the sponge applicator out of Haru's hands and throws it onto the dresser, facing off with him as his own anger reaches a boiling point. “I love you too much to let you do this to yourself.”

Haru's nostrils flare, because he's not _about_ to be told what to do with his own body, especially when the apparent alternative is Makoto _risking his life_.

“It's not your decision” he says with finality.

“Bullshit” Makoto swears. Haru doesn't think he's ever seen him this upset before. If it was coming from anywhere but a place of worry, Haru would be kind of freaked out right now.

“You're not joining the fire department” he shakes his head.

“So you get to tell me what to do, but I don't get a say in your life?” Makoto asks him, pointing out the flaw in his logic here. Haru looks away, anger still radiating off of him.

“You've got it” he says sarcastically, turning back to his makeup. He can see Makoto staring at him in the reflection of the mirror, dumbfounded. Then Makoto shakes his head slowly, taking a few deep breaths.

“I can't...” Makoto starts, his disbelief seeming to short circuit him, “I don't know how to handle this...” He runs a hand over his face, and then closes his eyes.

Under Haru's breath, he can't help but let out a tiny sigh.

“Shocking...”

Makoto's head jerks up though, having heard it. His eyes are wide, but filling with anger again too. Then he turns around and strides from the room, slamming the door behind him. It startles Haru, but he's not about to give in to tactics equivalent to an eight year old's.

Makoto's just being childish, in Haru's mind, by refusing to see that the path he suggested is foolish. Haru already knows how to deal with his job, he knows how to play it safe. He just needs to do it and not make any exceptions, and he'll be fine.

When he leaves the bedroom a few minutes later, Makoto is sitting in the living room with his head in his hands.

“You're really going?” he asks calmly, but with a horrified edge to his voice.

“I'll be back” Haru replies a little more softly than he was planning, but it's hard not to feel guilty at the look on Makoto's face.

“Will you?” Makoto asks him seriously.

“Yeah” Haru nods, as if it's something completely inside his control. Makoto doesn't say anything else, just tips his head in the barest of nods, and then looks away. He's still mad, still wounded by the words they exchanged, but most of all by Haru's actions. There's nothing Haru can do about it right now though. He needs to get going. He walks out the door after that, and neither of them say goodbye.

 

At the club, Haru's fairly sure Sousuke implied to them that he quit. It would be understandable, if Haru had any other options aside from this. Everyone seems skittish around him, but Haru doesn't pay them any mind. He just sits down to apply the makeup for his face this time.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Sousuke swears as soon as he's through the door, having heard who just showed up backstage. Haru doesn't want to argue with him. He doesn't want to fight. So he says nothing. The lack of response seems to take a little of the anger out of Sousuke, but he doesn't leave.

“Haru...” he says, like he's trying to be more gentle with him than he _feels_ like being.

“Don't call me that here” Haru admonishes, frowning into the mirror. Sousuke doesn't seem to like that answer though.

“ _That's_ who you are, _here_ is the bullshit fake” Sousuke rounds on him. Haru's eyes narrow, because even though he doesn't like it, the things that happen here _are_ all too real.

“Fuck you” Haru says with feeling, because this isn't even Sousuke's fight. It's his and Makoto's, and Haru already won it.

Sousuke seems to see it in Haru's eyes, that he overstepped his boundaries, but he obviously doesn't like it. He backs off, shaking his head as if Haru's making the wrong decision.

Well, of course he is.

He made the wrong decision when he first walked in the door all those years ago, but it's too late now.

The silent crowd watching them tries to pretend they hadn't been once Sousuke storms out. He must be picking up on the ability to be completely annoying to Haru from Rin. Unfortunately, Haru doesn't have a lot of time to dwell on it. He goes back to getting ready, and ignores both Sousuke, and the growing pit in the middle of his stomach.

After his first set on the pole, Haru throws up in the backstage bathrooms.

The actual nausea started a few seconds after he walked out on stage, and kept getting worse throughout his routine. Haru's never had a weak stomach before, and he can't think of anything bad he might have eaten today... Wiping at his mouth, even he is having a hard time not seeing the truth staring him in the face.

He hadn't even considered that he might not be _able_ to do this anymore.

“Ready to go home yet?” Sousuke asks, having snuck up on him without Haru realizing it. He's handing Haru a wad of paper towels, which Haru accepts.

“My stomach's empty now. I should be fine...” Haru says stubbornly yet softly, not even having gotten off the floor yet. Sousuke makes a 'tch' sound at him, and then walks away. It sounds an awful lot like the kind Rin would give him back when they were in high school, and Haru had decided to do nothing with his future. The two of them are definitely rubbing off on each other too much, now that they're boyfriends.

Haru realizes that probably both of them were right...but he'll never admit it.

Instead he pulls himself up and rinses out his mouth, and hopes the boss won't be upset with him for not doing any lap dances tonight.

Because of the dancer's rotations, he has a little while to compose himself, before going back out to the pole.

As soon as he puts a hand on it though, he freezes.

The nausea is back, and his limbs don't seem to want to cooperate. He takes a deep breath, trying to force his body to get going, to get on with working the stupid pole... But it won't listen, and he's stuck just standing there.

“Come on!”

“Get on with it honey!”

“Shake that pretty little ass already!”

Jeers start coming from the men below, and Haru looks at them blankly.

Then his eyes meet a flash of green on the edge of the crowd.

Haru's heart rate speeds up, his pulse jumping into his throat. It aches a little still, but he can't tear his gaze away from Makoto coming towards him. The other men move fairly easily for him, since there's no show being put on that they want good position for. Makoto doesn't take his eyes off of Haru while he approaches, and there's only a moment they loose contact while he climbs on the stage.

“What are you doing?” Haru virtually whispers to him. Makoto puts an arm over Haru's waist, urging him backward away from the pole.

“I came to take you home” he says firmly, his face full of love now, and not anger.

“They'll throw you out, for being up here” Haru says dumbly, still in shock that Makoto is _here_ , has his arm around him, is telling him everything Haru wants to hear right now.

“They can try, but I'm not leaving without you” Makoto says next, almost _forcefully_. Haru knows the lighting in here too well, to mistake the spark in Makoto's eye for anything but possessiveness.

“Oh...” Haru says, slowly letting go of the pole. Makoto nods, encouraging him with a soft smile. Haru could almost forget where they are, if not for the gruff voice suddenly beside them.

“Off. Right now” a bouncer who is unfortunately _not_ Sousuke orders, grabbing hold of Makoto's leg.

Makoto smiles at Haru one more time, and then punches the bouncer in the face.

Haru is so shocked, so thrown off by what he's seeing, that he freezes for a second again. He fully expected Makoto to comply with the order, to hop down and follow Haru backstage... Not instigate a _fight_.

And the thing about bouncers is, there's never only one of them.

Haru can see more rushing to help with this unruly customer, and suddenly finds he's back in control of his body.

“Hey! Leave him alone!” he yells as he jumps off the stage too. The normal patrons are clearing out of the bouncers' way, and Haru has no trouble reaching Makoto's side. He tries to get the current guy off him, and stop any others from joining in.

“That's my boyfriend! Get off him!” Haru continues to yell as men in solid black try to pull him away, but it looks like the problem is that _Makoto's_ not stopping.

Haru doesn't think he can take anymore shaking to the foundations of his reality tonight.

Then finally, _finally_ , Haru sees Sousuke entering the mix.

Makoto punches him too.

Haru puts his hands in his hair, because his head feels light and like it's about to float away.

“ _Makoto_ ” Sousuke frowns, holding up the back of his hand and pressing it against his lip. He nods toward Haru, as if indicating where Makoto's attention should really be now. Makoto turns to look at Haru, blinking, and he's distracted enough for the bouncers to get a hold of him _more or less_ peacefully...

It turns out they were going a little easy on him because they _did_ hear Haru yelling that he was his boyfriend. Not that Makoto probably couldn't hold his own against more than one regular guy... But looking back it does seem a little out of proportion, considering that this is what bouncers _do_ for a living...

Makoto has a busted lip, the beginnings of a black eye, and several other bruises forming that Haru can see. He'll give him a more thorough inspection later, when they get home. He and the other bouncers involved are all lined up backstage, being tended to while the club goes on around them. Normally they wouldn't bring guys who start altercations back here, but Sousuke herded them all together with one order.

Now that Haru knows he's a cop, all the others listening to him in things like this makes more sense.

“I can't believe you did this...” Haru sighs, the confusion on his face fading to gratefulness the longer Makoto looks at him.

“I called Sousuke, to find out where the club was...” Makoto tells him, wincing only a little. “He said if I caused a big enough scene, that you'd get fired...” his green eyes duck apologetically, but Makoto looks back up to Haru quickly, peering into his face.

All Haru can do is stand there with the gauze in his hand and mouth hanging open.

“And he _is_ fired” the boss tells them, seeming to come out of nowhere. “And so are _you_ ” he turns, pointing at Sousuke next.

Sousuke raises his eyebrows, which is what passes for mild surprise on his face. But he doesn't argue. After a few thoughtful blinks, he just shrugs.

Haru wants to say something, to defend Sousuke somehow, but it's not his club, and he can't tell the boss what to do. He's not even sure how much of a hand Sousuke possibly _did_ have in letting this happen, so maybe his firing is totally justified... From the look that the boss and Sousuke are exchanging though, it seems like _something's_ going on...

“Well, you guys need a ride home then?” Sousuke turns and asks him and Makoto, looking completely unperturbed about his dismissal.

“Sure. That's really nice of you, Sou-kun” Makoto accepts, like they're just out at the mall or something with friends, and he happened to offer.

Haru continues to look back and forth between them like he's never seen them before.

Then Makoto stands and bows to the bouncers he injured.

“Gomen,” he says, cringing a little at some pain when he moves, “I've never been in a fight before...” he tells them, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.

“It's fine, you did good” and “You did the right thing, man” are the responses he gets as the men shake Makoto's hand. Haru feels like he's starting to piece together the beginnings of the conspiracy going on here, but he's having a hard time believing it.

“Let's get you dressed then, and we'll be going. Ok, Haru-chan?” Makoto asks him next, smiling softly.

Haru frowns, but really, in all honesty, he doesn't have anymore fight left in him. He's already been fired anyway, so what's the point of still trying to pretend he's ok? The swirl of everything that this _changes_ is too much for him though, and it deepens his frown. To the point that Makoto's smile falters a little, seeing it. So Haru says the only thing he can think of to let Makoto know it's not _him_ he's frowning at.

“...Drop the chan.”

Makoto's eyes widen with a touch of surprise, but he nods.

“Ah, sorry, Haru...” he says, soft smile back full force. It looks vaguely wrong, with all the marks of the fight on his face...

But it looks like home too.

Haru just nods, and lets himself be steered to his clothing after that.

The ride home is quiet, but not uncomfortable. When they get there, Haru knows he could stay silent, and no one would blame him. He has the option of just letting things happen around him. But he feels like he should at least say _something_ to Sousuke, before he leaves.

“Um... Sorry I got you fired” Haru offers, biting his lip at how thoroughly inadequate that sounds. Makoto places an arm around Haru's shoulders, and squeezes him a little. What he says also is addressed to Sousuke.

“Yeah, sorry Sousuke, I didn't mean for that to happen” Makoto apologizes. He might as well just plainly say he went there with the intention of dragging Haru back no matter what, since he wouldn't quit. Makoto's always seen through Haru, and this case is no exception. He was willing to do what was best for Haru even when Haru couldn't see it, even when it meant _bodily harm_ coming to him...

Haru doesn't think he's ever felt more loved and cared for before, ever.

“It's fine” Sousuke says, taking a rare opportunity to steal one of Haru's lines. “I was actually thinking about quitting soon anyway... Rin's decided to retire this year” he tells them with a shrug, as if that explains it all.

“I'm sure he misses you a lot while he's gone” Makoto nods wisely, because that's great news.

“Well, ah, he keeps blathering on about 'going out on top' and all that, doesn't want to be remembered as washed up or anything...” Sousuke says, blushing just the tiniest bit. It's obvious he's pleased by the comment though, and that Rin's retirement probably has more to do with him missing Sousuke than the redhead would ever admit.

Haru hopes they have a long, happy, boring life together.

After Sousuke leaves, he and Makoto head back inside the apartment. It's late, and dark, and Haru is in need of a bath. Every other whiff or so, he catches that bile smell lingering on him from when he threw up earlier.

Makoto is not pleased, not pleased _at all_ when he finds out what Haru did in trying to push through even after that. He gives him a stern talking to with his eyes as he draws the water, but says nothing out loud.

They don't really fit, but after showering they get in the bathtub together, since it's never stopped them before.

Haru breaks the silence while they're soaking, with his back resting on Makoto's chest.

“So... You want to be a fireman...” he says quietly, no energy for the argument he's opening back up.

“Yeah... The pay's good, the hours they need me for are perfect, and it's really not as dangerous as the movies make it look” his boyfriend tells him gently.

“I suppose you'll just be rescuing a lot of kittens out of trees then” Haru sighs, feeling that feeling of knowing he's going to give in, but not liking it. Makoto kisses his temple in a soothing line, letting his lips rest against Haru's skin as he answers him.

“I can be pretty good at rescuing...” he says, placing another kiss, “Just give me a chance...”

Haru tears up a little, knowing what they're really talking about.

Then suddenly he has a picture in his mind, of how kittens act when they're scared, clinging to the tree with their tiny claws, so you have to gently undo one at a time in order to save it, to get it down... And he has to close his eyes against the imagery, before it hits home so hard that he won't be _able_ to keep from crying...

Haru takes a couple slow, deep breaths, and tries to take his focus off the fear of letting go, and turn towards the strong hands waiting for him.

“Ok, Makoto.”

Haru can practically feel the happiness, the _relief_ radiating off of his boyfriend behind him. They hold tightly to each other as best they can in the confines of the tub. It's a few minutes before either of them dares to speak.

“I love you so much, Haru-chan” Makoto tells him.

“Thank you” Haru slips, but it's genuine and he knows with Makoto, it's ok. He gets hugged tighter for a second, and then the pressure eases.

“I love you too” Haru corrects himself really softly, and Makoto kisses over his skin again in response.

“Haru... There's one more thing... I know you're not going to like it, but I'm not going to give in on this...” Makoto warns him. Haru doesn't go rigid, or frown, or give any indication he's objecting up front. He basically agreed to himself a moment ago, to let Makoto help him however he can, even if it's scary to Haru. Plus, if Makoto cares that much about it, it's probably _necessary_ anyway...

“I want you to go to counseling with me” Makoto says gently.

Haru's spine stiffens.

“Before you say anything, I want you to know I've already been going on my own” Makoto informs him, almost in a sigh.

It gets Haru's attention though.

“What do you mean?” he asks, lowering his defenses slightly.

“I mean, the one I've been going to, he's really good. He _cares_. When I told him what happened to you, he said he'd see you at the same time as me, bill it as 'couples' counseling to my insurance, but you know, try to help you with anything he can...” Makoto definitely rehearsed saying this to him, and Haru doesn't know if he should be offended, or thankful.

Haru is quiet for a moment, thinking.

He's never really believed in all that psychology stuff, not like some people do. He's never thought of it as affecting him, not really. But he has no explanation for what made him nauseous, or freeze on stage like that either. Haru knows he was basically freaking out, but he didn't _feel_ like he was... And maybe that's the scariest part, that he wasn't in control of himself.

“You'll be there with me?” he asks Makoto, because he just doesn't _trust_ strangers.

“Yes, Haru, I'll be there” Makoto confirms. Haru can feel him holding his breath behind him.

“Alright... I guess I can try it, if it's with you...”

 


	11. Chapter 11

They go to counseling three days a week, after school gets out. It works well since that's when Makoto had already been going, before swim practice starts. The team warms up without him, and is ready to go by the time Coach Tachibana gets there. They don't know where he is before getting there, and Haru's glad. He'd be embarrassed for anyone to know. Haru would, that is.

Makoto doesn't seem to think it's as big of a deal as it feels like it is to Haru, but he promises not to reveal it just the same.

Haru supposes it's going well.

He doesn't do a whole lot of the talking. Sometimes he speaks up just because he feels like Makoto and the doctor have been talking _about_ him for too long. Makoto looks at him so encouragingly, and the doctor really does give him his attention, so Haru tries to 'open up' a little here and there. But only in small doses.

Some months into it, Haru talked about what happened for too long at once. Apparently the doctor felt it would be ok to ask to see the police report because of that. Haru knows that's where the _facts_ are, and there's _pictures_ in there, and it's the only time since it happened that his hands have started shaking again.

But he thinks he understands a little more of _why_ now.

To the doctor's credit, he doesn't press the issue. He just tells Haru it's ok, there's not any set amount of time this is supposed to take. He also acquaints Haru with the concept that sometimes the stages of grief can apply to losing something, not just some _one_. There's lots of loss that can be hurtful on that deeply emotional level. And being violated like he was is one of them.

It wasn't something Haru really wanted to hear.

By his own estimate, he was still firmly in the 'denial' stage when they started this counseling thing. Haru doesn't think he's really made _any_ progress at all in that area... It's not something he can just force himself to do better at either, according to the doctor. Haru can be given prompts, but he'll move from stage to stage on his own psyche's timing.

Just when Haru is starting to think this whole counseling thing is going to end up being a waste of time, he gets paperwork in the mail letting him know when his court date is.

_Anger_ suddenly sweeps over him like it had only been held back by the thinnest of veils before this. His hands shake so badly Makoto thinks he's having a breakdown at first.

But he's not.

Haru _yells_ at his counselor the next day, and then apologizes. And then he yells at no one in particular for the rest of the session, until he's in tears he's so mad, and only Makoto's arms around him keep him from burning up completely. It kind of scares him, because he's never really felt these sort of emotions so forcefully. He's been angry before, but not so consumed to the point of expressing it like _this_.

In the court room, even though it's _weeks_ later, he seethes in his seat, staring straight ahead. Haru grips the edge of the table until his knuckles turn white and his joints ache.

The bastards to go jail, and still, Haru's so mad that he barely knows what to do with himself...

As part of the paperwork from the trial, he has a copy of the police report now. He never cared to go and get one 'just to have' it. He's not sure how emotions work on these levels, to be honest. But maybe if he can call up another one, like embarrassment, this all consuming anger will lessen?...

That's his theory anyway. That's his _hope_ , as he drops the folder on their counselor's desk rather unceremoniously. He stomps over to the cushioned chairs and throws himself into one, not looking at either the doctor or Makoto.

“Is it ok for me to look at this?” the doctor asks, double checking because of Haru's erratic state, he's sure.

“Sure, knock yourself out” Haru says sullenly, his jaw clenching as he stares at the opposite corner of the room. The doctor looks at it silently, and Makoto looks at the floor, occasionally glancing at Haru.

“And what are you trying to accomplish here, Haru, by showing me this now?” the doctor asks once he's done.

“I want my fucking life back, that's what” Haru scowls at him, because this isn't going according to plan at all. He guesses he feels slightly embarrassed, but not enough to combat the rage. Not enough by far.

“You're not a man who wants pity, I already know that... Do you want me to keep guessing until I get it right then?” the doctor offers.

“I just don't want to be _angry_ anymore! I want to be _normal_. I don't want to be _mad_ all the time. They went to jail, I should be glad! I should be fine... I should be ok now, and I'm not” Haru practically shouts in frustration, as if his demands _can_ be met somehow but just _aren't_.

“Do you mind telling me what it is that you're angry at then, Haru?” the doctor asks him calmly, carefully avoiding the word 'who'.

“Just, everything!” Haru groans, because he's fed up. He's tired of Makoto being on egg shells around him, he's tired of people steering their children away from that glowering man coming down the isles. He wonders to himself sarcastically if this is what Rin went through in high school, with his anger issues.

“I'm mad at _them_ , at the _club_ , at _society_ , at _life_ and how fucking hard _I_ had to make it!” Haru tells him, his voice shaking with emotion in a way he doesn't even recognize as being his own. He should really try to get himself under control, but he's just, _snapping_ and he has no idea how to stop it.

“You think you did something to make this happen? This isn't your fault, Haru” the doctor tells him, looking concerned.

“I chose it. I didn't choose _anything_ , and so, I chose it. I made it so I had no other options. I walked into that amateur night, because I walked away from any potential I _did_ have a long time before that” Haru clenches his hands into fists, digging his nails into his skin, hoping it will stop the shaking rage he can feel intensifying inside him.

“This isn't your fault, Haru” Makoto tells him, looking horrified at Haru's reasoning.

“ _I_ said yes to that lap dance. _I_ wasn't strong enough to get away” Haru feels it, the angry tears rolling down his cheeks. Makoto gets up and pulls Haru into a strong embrace.

“I hate not being in control of myself” Haru says angrily to Makoto's chest, meaning his tears now just as much as everything in general. The doctor hears him anyway, through the muffling of Makoto's arms.

“Haru... We can't always control everything in our lives. The sun rises and sets, the tide goes in and out, all on schedules that are irrelevant to our wishes. Things just happen sometimes, but it doesn't mean it was our fault that the tide went out...” the doctor says gently to him, while Haru is still wrapped up in Makoto. It's probably the first time in his life he's ever _not_ wanted to hear a water metaphor.

“It's not your fault, Haru-chan” Makoto murmurs into his hair. Haru doesn't know why he keeps saying that. Just because he's mad at himself, doesn't mean that he thinks that it was his fault...

Oh.

But if he doesn't think it's his fault for letting it happen, then why is he so mad at himself?...

“It's my fault” Makoto says shakily, abruptly breaking Haru's train of thought.

“What? No, it's not” Haru pulls back enough to see his boyfriend's face, give him an angry look for even _thinking_ something like that.

“If it weren't for me, everything you came here to do for me, then you'd still be safe, back in Iwatobi...” Makoto says quietly, not looking Haru in the eye. Haru starts shaking his head before Makoto even finishes.

“I'd have drown in my bathtub a long time ago, if not for you” Haru tells him adamantly, making his boyfriend look down on him skeptically. Makoto doesn't look like he believes him, and Haru suddenly realizes what it means to be careful what you wish for. Now instead of anger, _guilt_ washes over him, replaces it as the predominant feeling in his chest. Guilt that he could ever make Makoto think that Haru would have been better off alone.

“Haru-”

“No,” Haru interrupts, because he just can't stress enough how important Makoto and their relationship is to him, “Don't you dare take this on yourself. It took me so long, I just wanted to see you smile again, after your parents died. This isn't any more your fault than that was” Haru frowns, tearing up again, not knowing how to _make_ him, but _needing_ Makoto to understand this...

“Then Haru-chan, you need to understand the same thing too” Makoto tells him. Haru isn't sure if he's gotten through to him or not at first, but then he realizes that in a way, he must have. It seems like _Makoto_ is trying to get through to _him_ now, so he has to understand...

“This happening to you wasn't any more _your_ fault, than my parents dying was _mine_ ” Makoto sums it up softly, making Haru's face crumple up, and then cry full out. He hides it in Makoto's shirt again, because crying this hard is always disgusting, and he doesn't want the doctor seeing it.

He can't say he walks out of that office not feeling angry at all anymore, but he thinks what's left of it might be finally directed in more fitting places.

 

That Saturday, Sousuke shows up at Haru's door dressed in jogging sweats. It's half past ten, so Haru's just gotten out of his bath, and is ready to start on a few chores.

“Hey, Haru, you want to go for a run?” Sousuke asks him, like he _knows things_ about Haru's schedule.

“Did Makoto send you to check up on me while he's at work?” Haru frowns at him, deadpanning his response.

“Of course he did” Sousuke rolls his eyes, because _duh_ , “I just thought you'd rather get in a workout for it than have a hand holding session.”

Haru can't argue with that logic, so he goes and changes.

Stripping is not the kind of profession that lets a person get out of shape over time, but it's not the same as running a 5k race.

Not that it's a race.

Sousuke is probably taking it easy on him, though Haru certainly isn't about to ask if he is or not. They stop to admire a view that Sousuke has apparently always liked, and Haru catches his breath a little.

“Is the view everything you remembered?” Haru pants a touch sarcastically, because he doesn't like being beat, even if it's stoically.

“It's changed a little... I actually went to high school not that far from here” Sousuke tells him, not looking away from the park.

“Oh... This is a nice neighborhood” Haru says, actually looking around a little.

“Well... My parents thought I was going to _be_ something” Sousuke shrugs.

“You're a cop, that _is_ something” Haru points out.

“ _Rin's_ something, we're just average guys” Sousuke makes the distinction with a small smile, “But it's not so bad.”

“I guess” Haru feels like it would be rude to disagree, but he thinks he's personally only been above average, and then below it, in his life.

“Anyway, you should run with me more often, if you want to be ready to keep up by the time Rin moves back” Sousuke jabs at him, “He's always been a jogger.”

“You run with him,” Haru huffs, “I'll swim with him.”

It's only after he's said it that he realizes how it sounds, especially considering the history of everything. Sousuke looks at him blankly for a moment, and then shakes his head.

“You know he holds the world record in butterfly, right? I don't think either of us could catch him right now” Sousuke says, letting it go with a grace that could match Haru's in the water. The man _is_ a lot more secure about where he stands with Rin now, and plus, he and Haru are like friends and stuff. Haru's still thankful for his willingness to overlook the occasional blunt, out of it, _rudeness_ that Haru is known for.

Haru tips his head to Sousuke, almost in apology, and sighs.

“I only swim free... So you're probably right.”

Sousuke tips his head to Haru as well, and that's all the response they need between the two of them.

“You caught your breath?” Sousuke asks, at just the smallest bit of Haru's expense.

“I'm good” Haru nods, ready to go.

“Let's head over the bridge to the grass, there's something I wanted to show you” Sousuke hitches his head in that general direction, and Haru can see where he's talking about. It's not that far away, so they make it in just a few minutes. Frankly, Haru is wondering why they stopped back when they did at all, if this was their destination. Surely Sousuke didn't think Haru needed the break _that_ badly... Or maybe he really did just want to see the view...

“So, what did you want to show me?” Haru asks as Sousuke crosses over to the grass.

“Did you know your elbow is one of the strongest bones in your body?” Sousuke asks him, instead of answering Haru's question.

“What?”

“Your elbow. Come here” Sousuke motions. Haru frowns, but goes over to him.

“Here, bend it like this... If you don't have enough room to punch a guy, you can do a good amount of damage with an elbow. Someone weaker, like a girl, probably couldn't get away with this part, but a hard upward blow under the chin can give even a big guy a concussion” Sousuke points out.

Haru watches him, but isn't sure what to say to this information.

“Alright, now you practice it on me” Sousuke says after demonstrating, letting his arms fall to his sides.

“You want me to give you a concussion?...” Haru frowns, not moving.

“I didn't say to go all 'fight club' on my ass, just practice the motions” Sousuke says, sighing dramatically. Haru can tell he's serious about this though, for all the feigned spontaneity. He takes a step forward, bringing his elbow up under Sousuke's chin.

“Ok, try it again. Remember to come from as straight under as possible. If you knock their teeth together real good, crack their head back, the force shoots right up to the brain. Jostle that around and he'll be disoriented for sure, if not concussed.”

Sousuke has him repeat the motion over a few times with each elbow.

“It's not a sure thing, and if you can throw a good punch, that's better. But this is good for close quarters” Sousuke talks while Haru practices.

“I've never thrown a punch” Haru confesses. Sousuke nods as if that's to be expected, and then shows him that next. Haru watches, copies, but he feels a little silly throwing fake punches at Sousuke's massive hands. He doesn't see how it would really be effective against a guy his size...

“Do you mind if I show you something next that's kind of, specific?” Sousuke asks, seeing Haru's interest waning.

“Specific to what?”

“To being attacked from behind...” Sousuke says evenly, waiting.

“Oh... Uh, I guess” Haru answers with a nod, feeling slightly vulnerable all of a sudden, even for the huge open area.

“Good. So, I'm _not_ going to put my hands on you, ok?” Sousuke says, moving to stand behind him. Haru nods, waiting for instruction then.

“Can you put your arms up, like they were pinned before?”

Haru is perfectly _capable_ of it, and Sousuke knows that, but Haru appreciates the checking. He nods again, and slowly raises them until they're almost straight up. His pulse jumps, but he tries to push it down and listen to what Sousuke has to say.

“If I was holding onto you, you'd still be able to reach my face, right?” Sousuke asks gently. Haru thinks about it, and he's fairly sure that yes, he's right. With a deep breath, Haru takes a small step back, until he bumps into Sousuke's chest. It puts his arms in direct contact with Sousuke's head, though he has to bend his elbows a little to put his hands on the man's face.

“Yeah... I can reach” Haru replies, his voice steadier than he expected it would be.

“So if anyone ever grabs you from behind like that again, you just gouge their fucking eyes out” Sousuke says, doing an admirable job of concealing _most_ of the anger in his tone.

Haru makes himself feel around, until he gets a good angle on where the eyes behind him would be. But then he lowers his arms, and takes a couple steps forward. It's just Sousuke, and Haru _knows_ it's Sousuke, but he has to turn around so that Sousuke's not behind him _like that_ anymore.

“Doing ok?” Sousuke prompts him, not having moved and holding still more than normal. It's a practiced stillness, but all very casual at the same time too...

“Yeah” Haru breathes, looking down at his thumbs and their new found power.

“Excellent. I wanted to show you some stuff with knees too” Sousuke indicates.

Haru learns to picture an X over knee caps next, and kick at them in corresponding downward motions. Sousuke teaches him about hitting the solar plexus as well, before a family with a bunch of small children begins setting up a picnic not too far from them. Haru knows that they aren't trying to intrude or anything, it's a public space... He just doesn't like the audience. Sousuke seems to pick up on his unease, and makes a suggestion.

“Lunch?”

Haru nods.

He is getting kind of hungry anyway, and it's a good excuse to move on. They jog a few city blocks over, to a small American style cafe that Sousuke recommends.

“They give a discount to guys on the force, so it's a pretty popular spot” the man explains just before they head in. True to his word, there are quite a few on duty officers there, most of whom seem to know Sousuke personally. 'Yamazaki' begs off having to sit with any of them though, using the smell from their workout as an excuse. Haru thinks that's probably mostly for his sake, because they really don't smell _that_ much...

He knows, and Sousuke knows, that Haru's personality is usually described as 'reserved' at best. Sometimes he wonders how he managed to make friends with Sousuke at all. In fact, now that he thinks about it, Haru really has no idea how it happened.

They order lunch, with Sousuke getting a burger, and Haru selecting fish & chips. While they wait for their food, Haru perhaps unwisely decides to break the comfortable silence.

“Can I ask you something?” he prefaces it with, because that's what normal people do, he thinks.

“Sure” Sousuke nods, his face betraying a small curiosity at what Haru could possibly want of him enough to _say_ something.

“When did we become friends?” Haru asks seriously.

Sousuke looks a little confused, and sits back in his seat, staring at Haru as if trying to read his intentions better before answering.

“I mean, we _are_ friends, I just... We didn't used to be, and... I wasn't like, _trying_ to change it... Uh, I guess that didn't come out right... I should just shut up” Haru looks away, embarrassed, because Sousuke is looking at him with disbelief bordering on amusement. Then the larger man sighs, and Haru hazards a glance back over at him. Sousuke waits until Haru actually meets his eyes again to speak.

“Actually, I do know when it was, that my opinion of you changed, _Haru_ ” Sousuke says his name as if for emphasis, that yes, they do use each other's given ones and everything. It's slightly teasing, for all Sousuke's serious qualities, and Haru finds it actually eases him. He's able to keep Sousuke's gaze because of it, and even look at him expectantly.

“It probably needs a bit of background though... But we've got time, right?” Sousuke tilts his head toward the restaurant around them, and Haru nods back.

“I remember when Rin's dad died, hearing my parents talk about the funeral...” Sousuke begins. He pauses just for a second, giving Haru a chance to absorb the time jump. Haru blinks at him, and nods again, frowning slightly.

“They commended Rin's mom, for being so strong, being there for her kids even though she was obviously hurting bad herself... Some of the others who lost their husbands, didn't hold it together nearly as well. One lady had to be pried away from their family memorial. It was quite the scandal, I guess...” Sousuke shrugs. He would have been a little kid at the time himself too, so his memory may not be perfect.

“When the Tachibana's died, Rin asked me to go with him to the funeral. I held back from the site though, because I didn't want to intrude” Sousuke continues. Haru is surprised to find out that he was there.

“I remember the scene, and it just, striking me, that you were obviously devastated too... But you held it together, held all three of them... It just, changed my view of you, the kind of person you were... Plus, it had been a couple years since high school, and you never made a move on Rin, so I figured it was maybe time to let that go” Sousuke clears his throat a bit, and it's his turn to look at Haru expectantly.

Honestly, Haru had no idea it started that long ago. He's struck by the realization that Sousuke is probably a more observant person than Haru is, in nearly all respects.

Haru nods.

He feels like he should offer his own side, since he's the one who started this conversation, even though it's kind of embarrassing.

“I never hated you or anything” Haru starts with, because it seems like that should be clarified. “I guess, when I started _work_ , and you were decent to me... That's when I decided I didn't mind being around you” Haru plays with his napkin, oddly needing something for his fingers to do while talking about it. “And it was probably just you doing your job and all that, but... I guess I felt like you were kind of watching out for me, sometimes” Haru admits.

Which, since he was a stripper, and Sousuke a bouncer, it was pretty much the actual definition of his job. But still...

“You know, before he quit, Riki actually asked me to... I think he picked up on the fact that we knew each other... And he said he saw a lot of himself in you” Sousuke tells him. Haru feels shocked at the knowledge, but at the same time, like he shouldn't be. It takes a few seconds for Haru to get it out, but he feels it's ok to talk about stuff on this level with Sousuke, all things considered.

“...I saw him once... After he got out...” Haru says haltingly, staring at the dessert counter so he doesn't have to _see_ anything around him. “It was when Ren broke his arm.”

“Did he say anything to you?” Sousuke asks after a moment, because Haru's gone quiet, not sure _just_ how much to say.

“He told me to get counseling, even back then...” Haru admits with a sigh, closing his eyes on the memory.

“If it was me... I'd take him up on that...” Sousuke says quietly, not judging or even really _suggesting_ , just calmly putting it out there, what he would do himself.

Haru feels a surge of affection for Makoto run through him, because he obviously respected Haru's wishes and didn't tell _anyone_. Not even Sousuke, who he is blatantly conspiring with for Haru's benefit.

“...I am... I mean, have been... Not through Riki, but...” Haru nods in confirmation, because he doesn't want Sousuke worrying, and also doesn't want him thinking he needs to be looking for ways to keep bringing it up. “Don't tell anyone” he adds with a frown though, to drive home the importance of secrecy here.

Sousuke raises his eyebrows just slightly, and nods back right away. Then he _smiles_ at Haru, and Haru has to turn his head to get away from it. No matter what kind of happy 'catharsis' or whatever they may reach here, their friendship is never going to be the jumping, hugging, hanging all over each other kind. Just smiles of _knowing_ are enough to mark the moment.

“Hey, Haru? Can I ask you something? Just, a food for future thought, sort of thing...” Sousuke wants to know, after giving Haru a chance to stop blushing.

“Sure”

“Do you ever think there will be a point, when you're ok with Rin knowing about all of this?” Sousuke asks him seriously but gently.

Haru's eyes widen at the thought.

“I just wanted to broach the subject, since he'll be back in a few months. You might want to think about it now, before you're face to face” Sousuke tells him.

“Who said he ever has to know?” Haru frowns.

Sousuke pauses, and Haru sees the waitress coming with their food. He's glad for the distraction if _this_ is the turn the conversation's going to take.

“I ask, because _that place_ , the club, is an area where our lives intersected... Rin's moving in with me, Haru, and there's only so much you can hide from a person for so long, when they live with you” he points out.

Haru never thought about it like that. That by keeping things from Rin, he'd be asking Sousuke to hide parts of his life from his boyfriend. Sousuke hid it himself to start with, but that was before they were dating. Haru is sure the man would like to be able to be honest with Rin if anything about it came up... In fact, hiding things from your boyfriend is a pretty sure fire way to get him upset, no matter who he is...

Sousuke's probably only willing to consider it because of the magnitude of things it pertains to in Haru's life.

“I'll think about it” Haru decides he can at least promise that much for now. “It depends on _him_ ” he adds, knowing if Rin's going to be a jerk about the stripping thing, then there's no way he can go into the rest of it.

“Good... Maybe, ask your guy, the one you're seeing, what he thinks about it...” Sousuke suggests, popping a fry in his mouth.

“That's a good idea” Haru admits, filing that away for next session. He picks up his fish, which is a little heavily breaded for his tastes, but looks ok.

“And when I say think about it, I mean _really_ think about it” Sousuke sighs, “I've lived with Rin before, and he's a nosy bastard. He gets these clean freak urges all the time, and he'll totally go through all your shit. _Especially_ if he gets a whiff that you're hiding anything from him.”

“You _were_ hiding something from him” Haru quirks an eyebrow, because there's only one time he can think of that Sousuke and Rin lived together, and that was in the Samezuka dorms.

“Right, and now I'm _suspect_ for the rest of my life” Sousuke informs him, like it can't be helped.

Haru tilts his head, the thought popping into it right then.

“Has he already been asking?”

“Well... I was always kind of vague about it, but he knew I had another side job for a while. And he thinks I had a fling with one of my co-workers _somewhere_ , because of that New Year's Eve...” Sousuke admits, blushing a little.

All Haru can think is how much it probably riles Rin, for someone else to have gotten to Sousuke first.

“You should play that up” Haru tells him, his tone just flat enough to be understood as joking.

“You think?” Sousuke snorts, bordering on laughter, because antagonizing the redhead would literally _end badly_ for him.

“He'd be so jealous he couldn't see straight” Haru points out, like it offsets all possible horrific outcomes.

“There's nothing for him to be jealous over” Sousuke sighs, taking a more subdued tone again, “But you understand what I mean in bringing all this up then.”

Haru nods, and lets the joking pass. They finish their food without anymore heavy topics, without saying much more of anything really, until the bill comes. Sousuke reaches for it automatically, making Haru narrow his eyes at him.

“How much is my half?” Haru asks pointedly.

“Don't worry about it” Sousuke says, waving him off.

“You're not paying for me” Haru informs him a touch gruffly.

Sousuke gives him a look.

“I get a discount, remember?” he says as he pulls out his card, not backing down.

They regard each other coolly across the table for a moment, before Haru huffs and pulls out his own wallet.

“Fine. How much was it, before the discount?” Haru demands to know, throwing Sousuke off a little. “You can pay, but I'm leaving the tip then.”

Sousuke seems pacified by that, and finally gives Haru the number.

After doing the quick math in his head, Haru compares that with the bills he has available in his wallet. He ends up leaving the waitress fifteen hundred yen, because a thousand doesn't seem like quite enough, and he doesn't have any hundreds on him. Shockingly enough.

“You gave her almost fifty percent” Sousuke says when they're outside, like he's checking to make sure Haru understands what his math skills came up with.

“What's wrong with tipping well?” Haru frowns at him. Sousuke opens his mouth, as if he's about to defend his math further, when he suddenly seems to remember he's talking to an ex-stripper. Haru finds it nice to know, actually, that he's not the only one ever sticking his foot in his mouth. Sousuke's jaw closes again, and he coughs out a “sorry...”

Haru shakes his head, regarding Sousuke as they walk.

“I can't believe I've been friends this whole time with a  _bad tipper_ ...” he sighs.

“I am  _not_ a bad tipper” Sousuke rolls his eyes. 

“How much were you going to give her then?”

“A thousand” Sousuke says right away, and Haru almost believes him. A thousand would have been a good tip, just not a  _great_ one.

“Sure, you say that now...” Haru pretends to be offended. From the way the corners of Sousuke's mouth are turned slightly up while they're arguing it, Haru knows he understands it's just teasing though.

“You know, now that I think about it, you didn't even give me a single tip that time I gave  _you_ a lap dance” Haru remembers, spouting the fact semi-accusingly as soon as he thinks of it, forgetting their public surroundings. They're still making their way through the park, and a runner coming towards them trips and goes sprawling into a bush just after Haru says that. 

Normally, both Haru and Sousuke would be the kind to offer assistance if there was any chance they were the cause of such a thing. But with a quick glance at each other, they both decide the guy is probably not really  _hurt_ or anything... And they keep walking quickly.

When they get far enough that it doesn't look like they're  _running away_ , they decide to jog again for the rest of the trek home.

Sousuke drove over to Haru's before suggesting the run, since it's too far of a distance for even someone who's kept up with running to cover. So they part ways when they reach his car, because they do both have other things to do today.

“Thanks, Sousuke” Haru makes sure to tell him, “For the run, and...everything...”

“No problem, Haru” Sousuke nods.

And Haru nods back.

 


	12. Chapter 12

Thankfully, Ren's, Ran's, and Haru's graduations all fall on different weekends. They're  _sequential_ , but at least everyone is able to all go to each other's. They invite Sousuke and Rin too, so it becomes an almost month long, group celebration, culminating in the holidays. 

Haru has looked every once in a while, for an opportunity to _tell_ Rin since he came back, but there's never a good one.

Everyone is a little emotional right now anyway, just because of all the milestones. Even Ran, who's normally such a trooper, gets a little worked up while preparing for her own ceremony.

Haru hugs her though, and helps her put on her makeup while he tells her how proud they all are. All would have been... Ran composes herself while Haru composes her face, and she's pleased enough with the results to brag to all her friends about it afterward. Her  _artistic_ Haru Nii-chan.

“I didn't go overboard, did I?” Haru discretely asks Makoto, afraid what he applied on autopilot might not have been fitting for an eighteen year old...

“She looks beautiful, Haru” Makoto kisses his forehead, pulling him securely to his side with an arm around his waist. It flusters Haru a bit, because they're in public, but he doesn't mind, not really.

Ren's graduation goes off without a hitch, and he's voted most popular at the school by a wide margin in the yearbook. Since Makoto teaches there, it doesn't seem as surreal, with the setting being familiar.

The principle doesn't give any indication he's ever seen Haru before, so that's a good thing too, Haru supposes.

Haru would have thought his own graduation would affect him more than it did. He's done exceedingly well, especially considering everything that's gone on in the past few years. One of the nicer, formal restaurants in the city center even offered him an apprenticeship. He'll be starting out at the bottom rung, cooking wise, but there's a lot of room for advancement. It's the kind of place that  _has_ 'stars' and wants to keep them, in addition to earning more. 

It should be an exciting opportunity.

Haru should be excited.

He's never felt less like getting out of bed in the morning though.

Of course he still  _does_ , when he  _has_ to anyway... But he's just having a hard time feeling  _anything_ , lately. He was doing better there for a while, he really felt like life would keep rolling on and he'd be ok eventually... 

But he's not.

He still wars with residual mixes of anger and guilt, and then adds frustration with the whole thing on top of it. He just wants to forget this ever happened to him and move on.

But he can't.

Haru doesn't even want to continue with the counseling, because he feels like nothing's changing. The doctor keeps reminding him that this isn't about checking off boxes and declaring someone 'cured'. To Haru, that tells him he will probably have to deal with this for the rest of his life, and that's completely overwhelming to him.

So he shuts down.

Mostly, anyway. He's learned his lesson, about throwing away opportunities. So he goes to work, works hard, listens to his bosses and all the idiosyncrasies of how they run their kitchen... But it's all he can do to show that much initiative. The twins are away in college now, and he barely talks to them. Makoto left the fire department now that everyone's graduated, so they actually have time together again.  But they never  _do_ anything. 

Not even have sex.

Haru knows Makoto pulled back in that area after the attack, entirely for Haru's sake. He's sincerely thankful for him being so understanding. Anything that's happened between them since then, has always been at Haru's initiation. But he just can't seem to work up any  _wanting_ for it lately. They did have sex a couple times, back when it had seemed to Haru that he was on the mend. Before this current spell of, well, whatever it is.

Then before he knows it, it's been six months since he and Makoto have touched each other. Haru accidentally hears him masturbating in the shower one morning, and that's what makes him realize it. At least it's still Haru's name he's moaning to himself while in there.

If Haru's thoughts get any more sullen, they'll be bordering on  _morose_ . 

It's in this frame of mind, that his own apathy may literally be destroying his life, that Haru answers the door on a Saturday night.

“Hey, sad-cicle, let's drink” Rin addresses him with what Haru can only imagine was a well thought out play on words in the redhead's own mind. Sousuke is behind him, looking apologetic for Rin's horrible ideas, but not saying anything out loud. The thing is though, that Haru has no ideas of his own, so why not go along with a bad one?

He blinks once at Rin, and then says, “Sure.”

Haru swings the door open the rest of the way to admit them, purposefully ignoring the surprise they  _both_ show at his easy acceptance. 

“Oh, hey guys” Makoto looks up at them from his book, “What's going on?”

“Rin wants to drink” Haru explains with a shrug, going into the kitchen. Even though he and Makoto don't really consume alcohol, they do have a set of sake cups. It was a gift from a coworker of Makoto's, and hasn't been used since it was opened. Haru sets one down in front of each of them, and waits for Rin to get on with it.

“Are you sure about this, Haru?” Makoto asks, sliding off the couch and into a spot under the kotatsu. Haru sits next to him with a nod.

“It's fine.”

“It's a Saturday night, and we're all going to have some fun for once” Rin exclaims, opening the bottle. “You guys got all old and boring while I was gone, so I'm going to inject a little fun back in your lives” he informs them while pouring.

Haru looks at the clear liquid, watches it slowly losing it's turbulence from being poured. Then he tips it back in one quick motion, feeling the line of heat run down his throat. He can't say it's pleasant, but it's not awful either.

“Dude, really?” Rin looks at him with a quirked eyebrow.

“What?” Haru asks evenly, not rising to the bait.

“You're supposed to wait to toast with us.”

“Oh...” Haru moves his cup back over toward Rin then, to be refilled so he can participate like he's supposed to. By the time they think of something they all can toast, to set the evening off right, Haru already feels the hot curling of the first shot settling in his stomach.

“To good friends!” they all salute, though not all of them are as _loud_ about it as others. Haru sends the second helping to where the first went, mentally following the heat down to his middle.

They spend a few minutes haggling over what they should _do_ while drinking. TV is boring, and drunken boardgames sound dangerous for the survival of the games. Haru begins to notice a warmth holding and blossoming in his gut, spreading out to his whole body after the third round.

“Well, we could always play other kinds of games” Rin wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“I'm not getting in a closet with you” Haru says immediately, still staring at the kotatsu rather blankly.

He can follow a conversation perfectly well without looking at the people in it, after all.

“Oh my god, this isn't fucking middle school, Haru” Rin rolls his eyes.

“You two were in a closet together in middle school?” Sousuke asks, raising an eyebrow.

“ _No_. I don't know what the hell's up with this guy” Rin gives an exasperated sigh, “Oi, Haru, what the hell's up with you lately?” Rin points a finger and directs a frown at him. Haru can see it in his peripheral vision, and he huffs. Rin's the one who came here, wanting to drink, getting Haru's hopes up that maybe they could all just not feel anything together for a while... He doesn't want to hurt Rin, but he wants to shut him up.

“My father didn't hug me enough as a child” he says sarcastically, meeting Rin's gaze to deliver it, but then turning away again.

Dead silence rings out through the room.

“What the _fuck_ , Haru” Rin says after a second, his frown bordering on horrified that Haru would _go there_.

Haru can already hear it, the argument, the facts Rin will fling in his face about not even having _had_ a father to hug him, if Haru wants to play like that...

“What? Yours died. He didn't _abandon_ you. There's a difference” Haru says, like he has the authority to make these observations. After all the pointless counseling he's been to, he just might at that.

“ _Haru_ ” Makoto says beside him, completely and thoroughly shocked that he would say such a thing. Rin's just staring at him hard, like he's trying to see through him.

“I'm so sorry, Rin, Haru and I don't ever really drink much, at _all_ ” Makoto starts to apologize, blaming Haru's surly manner on the alcohol.

“Nah, it's ok man. At least we're getting somewhere...” Rin sighs, not taking his gaze off Haru. The comment makes Haru raise his own eyes, briefly looking at Rin.

“Is he back or something?” Rin asks, the casualness he's obviously trying for belying that there's a point to his questioning.

Haru shakes his head.

“Haven't seen him in a decade” he mutters, feeling slightly bad because Rin's taking it so well.

“Does it even have to do with your parents at all?” Rin asks.

“Does _what_ have to do with them?” Haru frowns.

“ _This_. You're all depressed and shit” Rin informs him, looking Haru up and down.

Haru is ready to defend himself against Rin's _accusations_ , when suddenly he realizes that he's right. It's not like Haru ever thought of it that way before, he tries not to think about it at all, actually. Something must show on his face, some of the realization, because Rin's look softens further in response.

“Are you, like, _ok_?” Rin asks, probably in lieu of the 'do you want to talk about it' cliché Haru can see in his eyes.

“I'm just... Going through some stuff” Haru shrugs, looking down. Sousuke and Makoto are way too quiet at their sides, lending to the serious atmosphere. Rin just nods, being respectful of Haru's limits for probably the first time ever.

“Sorry...” Haru admits, for what he said earlier about _fathers_ , not for the being depressed and not wanting to talk about it part.

“No worries, man” Rin shrugs, taking it in stride.

“Haru-chan, are you sure you want to drink?” Makoto asks, putting a hand on Haru's knee.

“I just figured, maybe I could not think about it for a while... Just for tonight” Haru says kind of halfheartedly, because he didn't really have a reason at all. He adds a shrug, to let Makoto know this isn't something he plans on making a _habit of_ or anything...

Makoto squeezes his knee, and Rin nods, like what Haru said is acceptable. It's quiet for a moment again, before Sousuke speaks up.

“Is it alright if we spend the night then? I didn't really think you'd say 'yes', so we drove here...” he asks, looking down briefly at his sake cup, and then up to Haru.

“That's fine” Haru nods. They have a futon that can be pulled out in the living room.

Both of the twins' rooms are just as they left them, and will not be converted into anything else. Makoto and Haru both were uncomfortable with the idea that if they changed them, then it would be like Ren and Ran didn't have any place to _come home_ to anymore.

“Thanks” Sousuke indicates, as Rin fills all their cups again.

They stay, and Haru pulls Makoto's hand off his knee so he can hold it while they continue to drink. It's much more subdued than even Haru was expecting, but it's ok. After a while, things have wound down to the point that Haru is just leaning on Makoto's shoulder, half asleep and virtually catatonic.

Haru can't say he really enjoys drinking, if it's going to have this effect on him every time. It isn't really helping him _not_ think about _things_ anyway. So this will probably be the last time he does it.

“I think you're done, Haru-chan” Makoto tells him softly, smiling like Haru's doing something cute. Haru just grunts in response.

“Do you need some help up?” Makoto asks him.

Haru thinks about it for a second.

“I don't know if I can really have sex like this” he admits, but not because he _doesn't_ want to, just because he can't really move much. It might be the alcohol, but the thought of sex doesn't seem so out of the picture right now...if he could control his limbs and all that...

“ _HARU_ ” Makoto blushes bright red, covering the part of his face that's toward Rin and Sousuke, “ _That's not what I meant_.”

Haru blinks at him while Rin snickers, and Sousuke _tries_ not to snicker, in the background.

“I meant _getting on your feet_ ” Makoto whines in embarrassment.

“Oh... Sure” Haru brushes off the confusion fairly easily. He lets Makoto half drag, half carry him to bed, and then Haru just lays there for a minute while Makoto goes back out again. Haru can only assume it's to help Rin and Sousuke settle in, get out the futon for them, etc. He's a good host like that.

All Haru can manage to do is get his pants undone. Sitting up enough to undress the rest of the way is completely out of the question.

“Haru-chan? What are you doing?” Makoto asks, sounding amused when he gets back.

“Was gonna undress” Haru sighs, looking up at Makoto hopefully.

“Hmm, it's been a cold spring, Haru-chan. Maybe pajamas would be better than sleeping naked?” Makoto rummages through drawers until he finds appropriate sleep wear. Helping Haru to sit, and get his shirt off, he reaches for his pants next.

“We could have sex you know” Haru tells him, “If you wanted.”

Makoto's motions slow, and then stop. He glances up, and Haru is having a hard time discerning the look on his face.

“If I wanted?...” Makoto asks, “...And what do you want, Haru-chan?...”

Haru blinks at him blearily a couple times.

“I want you to be happy” he says, because that's really the thing most paramount in his mind right now. Makoto is kind and wonderful, and Haru feels like he's hurting him somehow, sometimes, but he doesn't know how to stop. Makoto finishes pulling Haru's pajama pants on for him, and comes up to cradle his face, run his finger tips through Haru's hair...

Haru will never admit how much he likes it when Makoto pets him like this, but maybe from the way his eyes flutter closed in response, Makoto will be able to tell... It only serves to double the guilt Haru feels in the long run, because his boyfriend is literally a saint, and Haru can't even do a simple thing like give him an orgasm.

“I just want _you_ to be happy, Haru-chan” Makoto whispers back to him.

“...But I'm depressed” he admits to his failure at being happy for Makoto, much as he would like to have succeeded. “Sorry...”

“Shhh, shhh, Haru-chan...” Makoto hugs him tightly right away, “...I know... It's ok. I love you so much... It'll be ok...”

Haru can't really do much but hug him back, and he tells him he loves him too while Makoto pulls up the covers. Maybe, in the morning when he's sober, he'll try talking about it again. He doesn't like leaving things unsaid between them anymore, when he realizes it anyway. Haru knows Makoto has the chance to take it wrong then, and the last thing either of them needs right now is more guilt.

Haru's not sure when he fell asleep, or maybe the better term would be passed out... But suddenly the surrounding darkness is a _sea_ of guilt he's swimming in, instead of the safety of their bedroom.

It churns around him, greasy and slimy on his skin. He can't tell where the surface is, if there even is one...

The guilt is impossible to swim through. It doesn't behave like water. It doesn't buoy him or let his body slide through it. Haru gets some in his mouth, and it burns like alcohol, making his throat throb as it moves down.

 _Fear_ pricks at the back of Haru's stomach, as he feels the darkness intensifying behind him. It's not nameless, or faceless. Haru _knows_ exactly what it is, but he can't _see_ , can't get turned around in the uncooperative liquid.

He forgets trying to swim, and puts his hands up to his throat protectively.

But there are already other hands wrapped around it.

Haru screams.

It doesn't even register that he shouldn't be able to scream, if he really can't breathe.

Makoto jolts awake beside him, but to Haru, everything is still darkness and terror. He feels some solidity to the world again, but it's not enough for him to realize he's awake, or that it was just a dream before this. He's still screaming as he fights his way out of the covers and onto the floor.

The only thing he can do is run.

He needs to run away while he has the chance.

Haru bursts out of the bedroom, disoriented, and hits the hallway wall, skidding along it for a few feet, still screaming in horror the entire time. His hands keep going up to his neck, checking it like he can't quite believe there's nothing there. Haru puts his back against the wall instinctively, and the shirt he's wearing twists upwards a little as he slides down to the floor. He claws the fabric away from him, managing to get it over his head and throw it.

Haru's name is being said, and there's light out here, enough for him to see where he's at now. Nothing quite makes sense yet though, so when his eyes fall on Sousuke coming toward him, the first thing Haru does is scramble to meet him. He's not wearing solid black, but the conditioning is strong enough that it doesn't matter to Haru right now.

Sousuke will keep him safe.

Sousuke will beat the shit out of any bag guys, and help him find Makoto when it's over.

At the end of the hallway, Sousuke holds Haru tightly, up against his shoulder, where Haru practically climbed on by himself.

Rin stands a little to the side, wide eyed, confused, extremely worried, and slightly _scared_ , having been woken up to screaming and Haru freaking the fuck out.

Makoto looks shaken, standing just outside the bedroom doorway and not knowing what to do.

He called to Haru the whole time he was running away, but it was Sousuke's arms he jumped into. And that hurts, more than a little. Makoto knows he shouldn't touch Haru from behind, so he just stands there and watches, feeling useless.

“Shhh, shhh, it was just a dream” Sousuke makes a tiny leap of an assumption, rocking him a little. Haru's eyes blink almost continually, adjusting to the light, and reality.

“Dream...” he repeats, his whole body still tense and on edge.

“Just a dream” Sousuke repeats back, and Haru nods just a tad shakily.

“W-Where's Makoto?” he asks, his voice urgent, desperate almost. It melts every thread of fear currently wrapping itself around Makoto's heart. He takes a step forward and to the side, so he won't be directly behind Haru when he speaks.

“I'm right here, Haru-chan” he says softly. The flash of jealousy that Makoto felt, flashes out just as quickly, when Haru releases Sousuke right away to come to him.

Haru's eyes lose their frantic look, and Makoto sees hope, relief, and _awareness_ flowing back into them as they embrace. Haru _clings_ to him for a moment, squeezing Makoto just as tightly as Makoto's squeezing him.

“It was so dark, I couldn't _see_ you...” Haru wheezes out, still taking deep, almost gasping breaths.

“I'm so sorry, Haru-chan... But it's over now, it was just a dream” Makoto reiterates, his voice low and soothing. Haru's body relaxes in his arms, not to the point of sagging, but the tension does drain out of it.

“I'm never drinking again” Haru says tiredly, trying to control his breathing a little better.

Farther away, he hears Rin softly say, “Sorry...” from beside Sousuke. The two of them are holding hands tightly when Haru looks over at the noise. He actually forgot that Rin was here. Realizing he is though, makes the inevitability of having to tell him come front and center.

“It's not your fault” Haru assures him, his voice sounding slightly firmer than before. He can't take too long of holding Rin's gaze though, because he looks concerned that Haru will go to pieces again at any second. Haru rests his head against Makoto's shoulder.

“Can we sit down, maybe?” he asks, because there's no way he's doing anything like going back to sleep tonight. So he might as well have a heart to heart chat with Rin. Makoto nods right away, and kisses his temple.

“Of course, Haru-chan. Do you want your shirt back?” he asks gently, before they move. Haru regards it with suspicion, because he's not sure how it got off, but he can guess.

“No” he shakes his head slightly, even though he is kind of cold. It seems like he's always cold, these days.

“How about a blanket, and we'll sit under the kotatsu for a while?” Makoto offers, reading his mind.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

Rin speaks up as they break to move away.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asks, looking out of his element but obviously wanting to help. Haru is touched by his concern, and feels maybe a little bad that he waited so long to tell him...

“Water?” Haru asks, because out of all the things he needs in his life, it's probably the only one Rin can deliver.

“Sure, yeah” the redhead nods right away. He and Sousuke head to the kitchen, while Makoto helps Haru to the living room.

To Rin, it's obvious Sousuke knows what's going on, is _involved_ in this somehow... But he has no idea why or how much. He almost wants to stop and ask him what the hell is going on as they're filling a glass in the kitchen. When did Sousuke learn about this, whatever _it_ is, and just how bad is what's going on, to affect _Haru_ like that?... He sends those million questions over to Sousuke with a single glance as they stand in front of the sink.

Sousuke just takes his hand again and squeezes, using enough strength that Rin understands he's _bound_ to this somehow, and that it's some pretty heavy shit. All Rin can do is nod in worry, and let himself be lead back out with the glass.

Haru takes the cup from Rin with thankful eyes, grasping it with two hands. He drinks thirstily, and then shifts his hold, letting one hand come down to feel at his throat every other swallow or so. Once he's sated, Haru sets it down, looking a lot more solid. He sighs, and Makoto rubs his back encouragingly. Sousuke sits quietly, so Rin takes his cue from that, and waits patiently for Haru to be ready to talk.

Haru knows he needs to say something, he's sure that Rin is worried about him. He just doesn't know where to start. Even going back as far as high school in his life choices would be relevant, but he doesn't really want to hash out all of _that_... The more Haru thinks about it, the more he really doesn't want to talk about any of it.

But he has to.

He owes Rin at least that much, to explain why he woke them all screaming...

Maybe if he just starts with the _why_ , everything else will be easier to talk about in comparison...

Haru sighs, and pushes the empty glass away from him a little, like it's a universal signal that he's going to speak now.

“I...”

Haru looks over at Rin very briefly, to see if he's paying attention, and he is. Haru ducks his head back down again.

“Was, uh...”

Haru's words just _die_ in his throat, even though he meant to go on. He closes his eyes for a second, telling himself mentally to just say it. He's already said the other words, he doesn't need to repeat them. He just needs to say the word 'attacked'. Then the worst will be behind him. Say it. Say attacked. _Say attacked_.

“ _Attacked_ ” the word comes out of Haru like he's throwing it up, and he has a serious moment of wondering if there really will be bile behind it. But he swallows, and nothing else comes out.

“Attacked?” Rin repeats back to him, the word lilted like it's a question. He's asking for more detail, and with a statement like that, Haru can't blame him.

He was so wrong about it being easier once he'd said that though...

“...At... Work...” Haru adds, finding the location only slightly less terrifying to reveal than the action. He takes a deep breath, and lets it out in a semi-controlled sigh. Makoto squeezes his hand reassuringly, but Haru isn't at all sure he can do this.

“Actually... Makoto?... Can, you get the police report...” Haru decides. He feels weak to ask for it, but in the end, as long as Rin knows, it doesn't really matter _how_.

“Of course... Are... Are you sure, Haru-chan?” Makoto checks. Not because he thinks Haru should force himself to say it, but because of the _pictures_. Apparently Haru's already made up his mind though. He nods vigorously, pulling the blanket more securely around him.

When Makoto gets back with the folder, Haru doesn't look up. He doesn't care to see it himself, especially in light of his recent nightmare.

“ _Holy fuck_...” Rin swears with feeling, because the images _do_ tend to pop out before anything else. “Haru...” he tentatively places a hand on Haru's shoulder, finally putting together all the checking of his throat that Haru's been doing. Haru lets him, and he lets Rin hug him for a minute too, because he seems to need the gesture.

And maybe Haru was a little glad for the hug too.

“You should read it” Haru prompts him once they've separated, because he does trust Rin with the details, he just can't say them himself. Rin nods, and opens the report back up. He can't be more than a sentence into it though, when he arches an eyebrow.

“What?” Haru frowns at him, because there's nothing that scandalous, fact-wise, until the second and third pages. Rin pauses for a second, trying to evaluate what Haru's sudden responsiveness means.

“You worked at a place called 'Tantric Blue'?” he raises the eyebrow again, giving the tiniest bit of a snort “It sounds like the name of a fucking strip club.”

Haru pales a little, but Sousuke speaks up before he can even think of saying anything back.

“I worked there too. You'll see my name a little farther on. I was one of the bouncers” Sousuke informs him, suggesting with his gaze that if Rin knows what's good for him, he'll can it with the 'humorous' observations.

“Bouncers... You mean, it _is_ a strip club?” Rin says in disbelief, looking guilty for his earlier wording as soon as he realizes. Part of Haru feels thankful for that disbelief, and part of him offended. Rin glances back and forth between Sousuke and Haru, and Haru nods, since Sousuke did the talking.

“I don't suppose you're going to tell me you were a bouncer too...” Rin says knowingly, looking Haru in the eye.

Haru looks away.

Rin takes a deep breath, and lets in out slowly, pushing the folder away from him slightly.

“Were you raped?” he asks softly, and Haru's chest tightens to hear the caring, the concern, in his voice.

“You're supposed to just read the report, ok?” Haru tells him, his voice shaking a little.

“Damn it, Haru, if you _were_ , I don't want to _read the details_ ” Rin replies, making a rather good argument for his case there...

Haru is at an impasse.

If he nods yes, then Rin will get the wrong idea. But if he says no, he knows Makoto and Sousuke will correct him, and it will make things worse in the long run. Haru does sort of admit now, that what happened to him was rape, in a way... But telling Rin the truth of the exact detail, well, that would involve _telling_ him.

So what ends up happening is that Haru stays quiet for too long, and Rin takes that as it's own answer.

“Fuck” Rin swears, holding his head in his hands for a moment. Haru doesn't know what to say to that, but he feels like the truth is important. He tries his best to meet Rin's eyes when he does look up, so he can convey that there's more to the story. What he sees in Rin's face though, is a sadness that stills Haru for a moment.

“I'm really sorry this happened to you, Haru” Rin tells him quietly. Haru just nods, trying to work up the words to go on. Rin beats him to it though.

“When I was in Australia... Not this last time, I mean, the first time...” Rin stops for a moment and sighs, running a hand through his hair. Haru can recognize the signs of a man trying to screw up his courage, and his eyes widen.

Rin sees his expression, and slowly nods, confirming.

“I mean, it wasn't like _this_ ” Rin clarifies, motioning to the folder, “It was one of the older kids on the team, and it was just fingers...” he shrugs, the faintest of blushes crossing his cheeks. Rin's looking at the folder, and not at Haru, so he doesn't see his expression at first. He starts to speak at the same time Haru does.

“It still _sucks_ , but-”

“Mine was-”

They both stop, and look at each other, Rin giving Haru a nod to go on. Haru swallows, but his throat is more cooperative this time. It feels easier, knowing that Rin _knows_ , even though it's _horrible_ that he does.

“Mine too” Haru says slowly, “It was just... Fingers... They were, uh... But Sousuke saved me...” Haru finds himself giving a sad smile, even through the tears that are forming. Rin is starting to cry too, but it's much more gentle. An old hurt, not a fresh one.

“He did, huh?” Rin shoots his boyfriend a grateful smile.

“He put them in intensive care” Makoto speaks up, it being the only thing he's added to the conversation for a long time. Since he's on his good side, Makoto gives Sousuke's shoulder a squeeze, and showers him with an equally grateful smile.

“Good” Rin seems lifted up by that fact, sharing a long gaze with his boyfriend before he turns back to Haru. Rin hugs Haru again, and Haru feels something different in the hug this time.

Commiseration.

“Hey, it's going to be ok... Someday, you'll be able to talk about it... Someday, you'll even have times where you forget about it... It's been a long time, for me... Shit, almost fifteen years now... Judging from the date on the report, you haven't even had _one_ , Haru” Rin tells him, rocking him a little, “You're not supposed to be ok yet.”

“I'm not?” Haru's crying is interrupted by the slightly startled exclamation.

“No, no way” Rin says, shaking his head, “You're _supposed_ to be hurting, man, if you weren't, there'd be something wrong with you...” he adds, probably not sticking to the sound, clinical method with that...

But it does wonders for Haru's state of mind.

It's ok, if he's not ok.

He'd been crying fairly good a second ago, but Haru's chest just seems to ease in that moment, his mind clearing as the guilt drains away. Rin loosens his hold when he feels the crying stop, and rubs Haru's back a little.

“It helps too, talking to people who've been _through_...” Rin tells him as he finally pulls away completely.

“We've been going, to counseling” Haru says quietly, wiping at his face.

“Really?” Rin seems surprised, but Haru isn't insulted by it. It still surprises Haru himself too, sometimes.

“That's good that I don't have to recommend you anyone... Because if we had the same shrink, that'd just be _weird_ ” Rin grins, making Haru snort in agreement.

Rin reaches out and taps on the folder containing the police report.

“So... Are there pictures in here, of what Sousuke did to them?” he asks, feigning casualness.

Haru nods.

Rin flips open the pages, stopping to stare for a moment. Then he lets out a long, low whistle, mostly in appreciation.

“Remind me never to get on your bad side...” he teases, scrutinizing one of the photos.

“ _Rin_ ” Sousuke says his boyfriend's name with an emotion that doesn't often grace his voice. Rin looks up at him, surprised by it. Sousuke makes half a move to get up out of his seat, presumably to go to Rin's side. The redhead smiles, flashing him a grin that reaches all the way to his eyes, and nods. Haru watches in fascination, because he can barely believe what he's seeing, that Rin really is _ok_.

Sousuke gets up the rest of the way and embraces him tightly, and Rin returns it.

Haru is sure the two of them are going to be having a long conversation of their own about this later. He doesn't care to be quite that involved in their relationship, so he's glad Sousuke leaves all his obvious questions for Rin unsaid at the moment.

Haru's also glad to know it _is_ possible to be _ok_ , eventually.

Because if Rin can do it, so can he.

 


	13. Chapter 13

“How could you go back there?” Haru asks, keeping his breath even and steady. He and Rin have gone for a jog, just the two of them, since both Makoto and Sousuke had to work. Makoto is at a training camp with the team, to start their season off right, and Sousuke had taken a sick co-worker's shift.

“What do you mean?” Rin questions him back.

“To Australia” Haru clarifies.

“Well, it's not like the whole _continent_ is a trigger for me, Haru” Rin answers him seriously and yet sarcastically at the same time.

“Trigger?”

“You know, something that sets you off” Rin shrugs. Haru nods slowly, absorbing the definition. He and Makoto had been talking with their counselor the other day, about Haru's attempt to return to work after the incident, and his body's violent rejection of it.

“I don't think I could ever set foot inside a club again” Haru grunts.

It's not that he's become so much more outgoing or anything lately. He just likes to run what the doctor has told him by Rin sometimes... Like getting a second opinion.

“Any club at all?” Rin wonders.

“I don't know. It's all so connected...” Haru sighs. He at least knows that much, that royal blue curtains, mirrored walls and stripper poles are all tied together in his head.

“White bedspreads” Rin says in a slightly clipped tone, looking straight ahead, instead of at Haru. “I told you he got interrupted before, you know...but I got a nice face-full of his comforter during it... I still can't stand white bedding, even sheets” Rin confesses.

“It sets you off?” Haru asks.

“I guess for me, it just agitates me at this point, it doesn't make me hyperventilate and shit anymore” Rin tells him casually.

“You used to do that?”

“Yeah”

Another shrug from Rin.

“Anything too bad is going to set anybody off, but a trigger, you know, it's usually something specific to your situation. Sometimes it makes sense, like people touching your neck... Or sometimes it's a color or a sound or an item that no one else would ever associate with being assaulted... Tricky shit to figure out sometimes” Rin nods knowingly.

“That's why you didn't want to read the report” Haru states.

“Pretty much” Rin confirms. Haru is quiet for a moment, thinking.

“Does Sousuke know? About the bedspreads?” Haru asks. Rin turns to him with a raised eyebrow.

“I didn't have to bring it up, his were already leopard print...”

“You should tell him. He'd want to know, just in case” Haru advises him.

“Hn. Maybe I will” Rin says noncommittally.

But Haru has a feeling he'll do it.

 

~//~

 

It's an unassuming Saturday night, when Haru gets _put to the test_ at the restaurant for the first time. Many people have called in sick all at once on their busiest night of the week, and he's pushed into a more important position than normal. He doesn't think of it as himself taking a leadership role. They're just so short staffed that he finds himself doing anything he can to help.

Including stepping into one of the line cook's spots when the man runs to the bathroom, and doesn't come back. It's a fish station, and literally something he could prepare in his sleep, so Haru takes it over without a word.

He actually likes the seeming monotony of cooking at this level and intensity. Because focus is required, no one minds if you're quiet and not necessarily 'friendly'. Haru does bow low though, when the head chef thanks him for his hard work at the end of the night.

It's not necessarily happiness that Haru feels, but he likes that he was able to help, and that it was appreciated.

 

~//~

 

One day Haru is walking with Makoto through the city, waiting at a giant crosswalk with a hundred other people, when he sees it.

His gaze locks on, and before he even knows what's happening, he's moving away from the road. This year's new line of 8K Ultra High Definition TV's are being aggressively advertised in the window of the nearest shop. But he doesn't register any of that, not the building, not the sale, not the glass between him and it.

His nose bumps against the clear pane, but he's not even in the moment enough to be embarrassed by it. Haru is lost in pristine stretches of sand, rolling waves, and an expanse of blue so vast he can practically _taste_ it. In the back of his mind, he knows it, that he can't logically have been transported from one reality to another. But he doesn't have the willpower to make himself acknowledge it and turn away just yet.

So he stares at the illusion of paradise until Makoto comes looking for him, finds him, still rooted to that same spot.

Before the brunet even says anything, he tips his head to the side, smiling as if he should have known. It's been so long since he's had to referee any of Haru's water issues though, that he's a bit out of practice. Haru lets him get right up beside him without it breaking his concentration at all, so Makoto slips a hand in his. Squeezing gently, he finally speaks to get Haru's attention.

“At least I didn't find you here already in your jammers, ne, Haru-chan?” he teases softly.

Haru knows it's Makoto before he even takes his hand. The squeeze just serves to emphasize the sheen of the window, the reality of the sidewalk, forcing truth through the lie he had let wash over him for a moment. He's not standing at the ocean, he's not seventeen, he's not stripped off all his clothes inappropriately in public.

He can't go back.

“It's ok, Makoto” Haru says softly, trying to reassure him that his pants are staying firmly on, “I'm not that man anymore.”

It comes out flat and lifeless, like most things do these days, and he doesn't see the affect it has on his boyfriend.

Part of Makoto dies inside, right there on the street, to hear such a thing. With no warning, the very limits of Makoto's experiment with 'being the strong one' are suddenly put to the test.

“H-Haru...” he stutters, because even if Haru was full of quirks and slightly weird and largely antisocial, that's just how Makoto fell in love with him in the first place. His virtually _mystical_ connection with the fluid that all life is built on is such a large part of Haru, that Makoto can scarcely imagine what he'd be without it. All these years, he just though Haru was learning to control his water urges better... He didn't think the connection itself was being worn away at...

Haru squeezes Makoto's hand back, and finally tears his gaze away from the screen.

They go back to walking down the street, but it feels numb to Makoto. Throughout all the things Haru's gone through in his life, the water has always been a constant for him. So much so that Makoto used to get a little jealous here and there...especially in high school... That Haru is cut off from such an integral part of himself just seems wrong to Makoto.

The kind of wrong like kittens being left in the rain, and kids' parents dying on them young. The kind of wrong that makes powerless men spring into action to try and help, because rectifying the situation is just _that_ important.

Makoto's never presumed to be able to _heal_ Haru, but this realization makes him want to try, to do anything, offer anything. He knew Haru was hurting, he knew it was _bad_...but he never thought of him as being _broken_. Maybe cracked, kind of damaged, but not unrecognizable from his former self.

Maybe Makoto's just been seeing what he wants to...

He makes up his mind surprisingly quickly, and he does his research carefully. Haru is notorious for not wanting anything extravagant. Makoto's discovered it's almost like a trigger for him, the thought of spending too much money. Or rather, the thought of not having enough later for something necessary...

But Makoto's double and triple checked the math, and it all works out in their favor. Once he's confirmed that it's possible, he pushes _expectations_ for it out of his head. Makoto wants to give Haru every opportunity to let go, and _expecting things_ of him is not the way to do that.

They may go, and Haru may not reconnect with the water at all. It's a terrifying thought to Makoto, but it's also a litmus test of sorts. It will let Makoto know just what he's really dealing with here. Haru's reaction will, that is. He hopes though, that the fact that Haru was still drawn to the overwhelming image of the ocean, means it's not too late.

“Haru? You have some vacation time built up at the restaurant, right?” Makoto asks him out of the blue one weekend.

Haru pauses lacing up his sneakers, and nods. He did get benefits at his last promotion, though he's not sure of the exact amount those vacation days add up to.

“Do you think you'd be able to get the weekend off at the end of the month?” Makoto queries next, keeping his tone light and conversational.

“Why?” Haru wants to know. He doesn't think Makoto has any training camps with the team, or parent's weekends coming up at the twin's university...

“I was thinking maybe we could go on a vacation... Just a short one! I, well, I'd really like to have some alone time with you” Makoto blushes slightly.

“We're alone all the time” Haru reminds him, frowning.

“I just thought, we could be alone, together, somewhere else” Makoto urges him. He can practically see the yen signs flying behind Haru's eyes, so he puts a hand on his shoulder. “I already did the math, Haru. Twenty thousand yen. That's the train tickets, the reservations, food for the weekend...” Makoto says, fortifying his argument nicely.

“Reservations _where_?” Haru asks, highly skeptical. That isn't enough money to rent a room anywhere he can think of for a weekend, let alone all those other things...

“Well... I found this small beach that allows camping, and it's really quite affordable... What do you say, Haru?” Makoto asks him with a gentle smile.

Haru's pulse quickens, both out of love and in disbelief.

“You... The beach... Only twenty thousand?...” Haru double checks, his brain having trouble processing the prospect being dangled in front of him.

“Maybe even less, depending on how fancy you want to eat...” Makoto takes a step forward, greatly encouraged, and lays his hands gently around Haru's waist.

“Yes” Haru says quickly, leaning up and kissing Makoto enthusiastically. He slides his arms around Makoto's neck, knowing he's being selfish by allowing this, but too entranced by the proposition to feel guilty. He kisses his thank you's right into Makoto's lips, because it's _direct_ and _real_ , and it's what he _wants_. Makoto and the ocean.

Because really, a pool is just a large bath tub. The water is tame and neutered. It flows, and he's happy to have it's rush over his skin, but it's different than the vast, open ocean. In the past, Haru would have questioned Makoto more, because of that. If his boyfriend went to this much effort though, he's not going to insult him by doubting his willingness.

A few moments later, when their doorbell rings, Haru throws it open without any hesitation. He knows it's Rin and Sousuke here for a prearranged run. Before either of them can say anything, he blurts out,

“Makoto's taking me to the ocean.”

Like it's the most important development in all four of their lives.

And maybe it is.

“No shit. Like, right now?” Rin asks, still tying back his hair. He may be a romantic, but running with his hair down is a little too shojo, even for him.

Haru blinks at the redhead, because _details_ have never been able to hold their own against _water_ in Haru's consciousness. Thankfully Makoto approaches the door as well.

“No, at the end of the month, if Haru can get the time off...” Makoto remembers to remind him.

“I'll ask tonight” Haru says with a firm nod.

“That's good, Haru. We're happy for you” Sousuke seems pleased, and Rin is grinning like a whole pack of competitors just ate his dust. As soon as Haru turns back toward him, Makoto can see why.

Haru is smiling.

 

At the end of the month, on the train ride there, Haru takes Makoto's hand as soon as they sit. Haru doesn't say much, but Makoto can tell it's not a spaced out or moody silence. If anything, Haru's energy seems much more present, more 'in the moment' than usual. It's been a little over a year now, since the incident. It's been around seven since they've been to the beach. Realizing it, the thought is shocking to Makoto.

How could he and _Haru_ have not been to the ocean in that long?

He has a feeling it's because of the baggage of his own, that Makoto brought into their relationship... But he's going to try his best to make up for it, now that he's realized it.

Eventually, the announcement for the stop right before theirs sounds over the train's speakers.

“Not too much longer now, Haru-chan” Makoto affirms in a comforting tone of voice. Haru just hums and nods, but his fingers squeeze Makoto's hand in what can only be anticipation. It makes Makoto smile to feel.

They're traveling as light as they can for being on a camping trip, so they each only have one bag to carry, albeit a massive one. And the rolling ice chest of course. Getting off the train is actually much easier than getting on was. The world is progressively less and less crowded, the farther away they get from Tokyo.

Once they step out into the open air platform of their destination, Haru's nostrils flare. The wind is thick and moist, with the tang of salt ever present.

It smells like home.

Makoto watches the peace and yet _excitement_ flowing in alternating waves over Haru's face, and barely even registers the brief ache of _the past_ in his chest.

“Makoto. Let's hurry” Haru blinks, tugging at his boyfriend's hand and breaking his reverie.

“Hai, Haru-chan.”

They practically trot down the steps, and Makoto finds that the fact that none of their surroundings are familiar helps keep his apprehensions at bay. He would never say anything about it, but the slight tugs to his hand that Haru is giving him are completely adorable. Makoto is rather caught up in doting on his eager but trying to hide it boyfriend.

When their feet finally hit sand, Makoto lets his grip slacken on Haru's hand.

“It's ok, Haru, you can go on ahead...” he smiles warmly, knowing the terrain will slow down the ice chest.

He receives a frown in response. Haru's fingers tighten over Makoto's firmly.

“I'm not going without you” Haru assures him.

Makoto feels his throat and chest both tighten inexplicably.

“I... I just don't want to hold you back...” he argues weakly, feeling the statement applies to much more in their lives than just this moment.

Haru shakes his head, his eyes flashing in the summer sun, “No. You're all that keeps me going, Makoto.”

Makoto feels like he's choked on his drink, but he hasn't even been drinking anything.

Haru pulls on his hand more strongly, “Don't cry here... Wait until we get to the water.”

It's such a _Haru_ thing to say, that Makoto bursts out laughing, instead of erupting into the tears he was going to. He ponders how closely the two emotional reactions are to each other as they climb. It's like the point where two opposites border. Where land meets ocean, or ocean meets sky.

All of Haru's forward progress is arrested by the sight of the water finally filling their vision. Waves tumble over themselves in their hurry to meet them, but Haru is frozen at the crest of the last dune. Makoto doesn't want to ruin the moment, so he stays quiet at Haru's side.

At the same time that Makoto decides to finally speak, Haru decides to finally move.

Haru takes a halting step, as if _things_ are still wrapped around him, holding his ankles, pulling at his legs. Keeping him from just going, from just being happy.

“It's ok, Haru-chan” Makoto whispers, seeing Haru's step faltering. Haru looks to the side, at his boyfriend smiling with such love and understanding. Then Makoto nods, and lets his pack fall from his shoulders. Haru's eyes widen a little at the uncharacteristic gesture, at the notion that Makoto is not _being careful_.

Then Makoto lets go of his hand, and tosses his phone onto the soon to be forgotten pack.

Haru's insides tremble as he watches, and he feels his own pack sliding off his shoulders. He sets down his phone too, and then they grasp hands again.

Suddenly they are tearing down the slope, and Haru doesn't even spare a thought for removing clothes. The sand gives way under their feet, and the wind blows their hair back from their faces. Their bodies crash into the roiling waves, cold stealing away their laughter for a moment. Haru's shoes are full of water, and the force of the motion all around them pulls at the fabric of his pants, his shirt.

They're only about chest deep when they stop, but Haru collapses to his knees, letting the crashing engulf him. He raises his arms to the sides, as if surrendering, even though Makoto's hand is still held tightly in his.

He doesn't even know what they're doing.

They can't swim like this, fully clothed. Their shoes would weigh them down, clothing hinder their movements. But the look he saw in Makoto's eyes just before they broke into a run dismissed all that.

It's so impulsive and wild, that Haru is kind of maybe a little turned on by it.

He's just, so _free_...

He's not sure if it's arousal or just the overwhelming relief of being so incredibly, thoroughly in love that nothing else matters. Haru manages to get his feet underneath him again, and pushes back up out of the water. Makoto is right beside him, completely soaked and standing as well. His face is joyous, and Haru has no trouble meeting Makoto's eyes, letting his gratitude, his love show through with no filters, no masks.

“H-Haru...” Makoto begins to blush immediately.

With a happy desperation Haru never thought his body was capable of, he uses the water's buoyancy to help propel himself up.

“Thank you” he whispers into Makoto's mouth as their lips are crashing together.

And then salt water covers everything again, and Haru holds on tight under the water to Makoto's flailing form.

They eventually right themselves again, and Makoto wasn't dreaming. Haru's eyes are still shining when they breach the surface again.

There's a bit of sputtering on Makoto's part, because he wasn't expecting _Haru_ to just, well, practically _jump_ into his arms like that. The resulting seawater in his nose burns, but he'd never in a million years complain. They trudge back up the beach a few minutes later, still hand in hand, and Makoto can barely believe it all.

“We should find a place to camp, while we're drying out” Haru suggests, thinking ahead to the other things he wants to do today. Even as light and free as he's feeling at the moment, he can't help the years of practice at being responsible kicking in. Besides, they'll be able to stay in the water longer later, if the tent is already set up before dark.

“Are you sure you don't want to go for a real swim first?” Makoto asks him.

“I'm sure. We should get off the main thoroughfare. Find somewhere with less people” Haru nods decisively. Makoto notices a few other people off in the distance, but it's really not crowded. He would humor any number of things for Haru today though, so he picks up his pack. Honestly, privacy is something he can completely understand wanting.

They walk a good couple kilometers down the beach, long past the last person enjoying themselves in the area. Haru watches the water, while letting Makoto sort of guide him. He pulls them closer to the edge of the waves now and then, avoiding driftwood or seaweed out of his peripheral vision. Their shoes get wet again, but it's unlikely they would have dried before the end of the day anyway. It's fine. It's not like they have anywhere to be.

Haru makes his decision on where to stop based more off the fact that his shoulders are getting tired than anything else. They've been far enough away from _people_ for a while now, but he was enjoying the walk.

“Here's good” he says out of the blue. But Makoto doesn't question him.

“Ok, Haru-chan. Maybe after it's too dark to swim, we can take a little walk again without the packs” his boyfriend smiles at him, reading his mind. Haru nods, and begins staking out a good place to spread the tarp. It's not super efficiency they're shooting for or anything, but Makoto and Haru work so well together that they rarely get in each other's way. The tent is pitched, sleeping bags unrolled, firewood collected and swimsuits donned without a word wasted on coordination.

They swim for five hours.

Well, swim and float. And splash each other for a little bit, because there's no one around to see it. Haru does not want to push Makoto to the point of him having to ask to get out, so Haru brings it up first. It's starting to get dark anyway. Makoto seems pleasantly surprised that Haru suggested it on his own, and it makes Haru wonder if he hadn't waited a little too long after all... But it's ok.

He and Makoto are together at the beach, and everything is ok.

Then for dinner they have fried fish, and Makoto uses the same excuse as with the splashing to feed bites of it to Haru. No one's watching, after all.

Haru watches how Makoto's eyes sparkle, reflecting the light of the fire a million fold in his happiness. Yes. He thinks to himself, he's happy too... It just makes his blush at being fed worse, and Makoto giggles a little, to be getting away with something like this. It doesn't matter if they are doing embarrassing things, because they are free.

“Makoto” Haru says seriously, before the fish is even all gone, “We should have sex.”

“W-What?” Makoto sputters, almost dropping his chopsticks in the sand, but saving them at the last minute.

It's one of the weirdest feelings Haru's ever had in his life, the sense of 'could have been' deja vu that flashes through him. All these years, and his boyfriend still sputters like a virgin at the thought of sex out of context. They could be teenagers, a decade ago, innocent and full of potential, camped on an ocean side...

Except...

Except Haru isn't sure he would take that Makoto over this one. Back then, he never knew Makoto could be so strong in the ways he does now. Haru doesn't let his mind settle on the horrible things that caused that strength to be necessary. He finds the memories aren't urgent and invasive like usual, not with the roar of the waves in their ears. Not with Makoto blushing so cutely in front of him.

“We should have sex, here on the beach” Haru says again, feeling the warmth of anticipation settling in his stomach for the first time in months. Makoto looks dumbfounded, but he nods.

“Oh, ok, Haru-chan... Um, I don't suppose you mean ' _in the tent_ ' by 'here on the beach', do you?...” Makoto asks, his face on fire to match the one in their camp. Haru takes the dishes out of his hands, and sets them aside.

“It's ok, no one will see” he assures his boyfriend, kissing his lips gently.

“I... I didn't want to assume... That you'd want to do anything like that...” Makoto tells him, his eyes still closed and the feel of Haru's lips lingering on his own.

“Did you bring lube though?” Haru asks him.

“Um... Well... Yeah, but...” Makoto trails off. His eyes open, and when they do, they look so conflicted.

“I'll get a towel then” Haru dismisses his concern.

“But Haru, are you sure about this, just, out of the blue?...” Makoto grabs his arm.

Oh.

Haru assumed the only objection would be to potentially getting caught...

“Haven't.... Haven't you been waiting, for me?...” Haru asks softly, trying to put things in their proper perspective.

“What? Of course, Haru-chan!” Makoto sounds scandalized, and Haru can tell he took it the wrong way.

“No, I mean, I want to, because _I want to_ ” Haru tries again, feeling words failing him, “You're the best you I could ever have asked for, and, I want you.”

“...Haru-chan...”

Makoto kisses him then, and weaves his fingers into the back of Haru's hair. It's not so much possessive as it is an asking of permission. Haru straddles his lap slowly, making sure the intensity of the kiss doesn't suffer for it. It's as much of a granting of permission he can think to give, at least while his mouth is so preoccupied.

“If it's not going to be in the tent, we should probably move away from the fire...” Makoto suggests breathlessly a few minutes later. Haru nods, his eyes bright and lips swollen. He fetches a towel while Makoto retrieves the rest of the things they'll need. When they walk hand in hand down to the water, Haru can feel Makoto's palms sweating.

“Don't be nervous” he says as he tugs him down for a kiss.

“But what if someone sees...” Makoto kind of whines, but not really. It's too breathless to be a true whine.

“Then I'll beat them up” Haru says with mock seriousness. His statement is implausible along with being largely irrelevant to the issue, but it makes Makoto giggle. Haru takes the opportunity to nuzzle at Makoto's neck, breathing in deep of his boyfriend's scent, and of the ocean.

Makoto begins to kiss his way across Haru's jaw, and nips at his earlobe before sucking on it. Then, in a stroke of brilliance, he skips completely over Haru's neck, and jumps down to the juncture of it with his shoulder. Feather light kisses are placed in a small circle, testing the waters. When Haru doesn't tense, Makoto mouths him more firmly, drawing some of the skin past his lips with the suction. His tongue flicks gently at the now sensitive area, and Haru draws in just enough of a breath to moan.

He's missed the feel of Makoto's lips on his skin. He's missed the feel of Makoto's skin under his lips too, and vows to rectify the situation immediately. While Makoto works at his shoulder, Haru kisses along his collar bone, each press more firm than the last. Letting his fingertips ghost along the outlines of Makoto's muscles, Haru reacquaints himself with his boyfriend's chest.

Finally their shirts _must_ be removed, to allow further access. Haru throws them farther up the beach, away from the water, and sets his attention to Makoto's pants next.

Makoto runs his hands over every ridge and plane of Haru's back while they get rid of the last of their clothes. They pause in their feeling and caressing to be careful while laying out the towel. It's quickly realized that this is not the sort of thing where a lot of moving around will be possible.

Haru lays on his back, spreading his legs to accommodate Makoto above him. His legs wrap around Makoto's waist as soon as he kneels, urging him downward and closer. Makoto kisses him breathless, their naked bodies rubbing and sliding over each other. Haru makes little soft noises as Makoto sucks a nipple into his mouth, teasing and flicking at the bud. He gasps at how good it feels to be stroked by Makoto's hand.

His erection is full fledged and hot, each motion leaving behind just a little more heat, a little more fire in his stomach.

Haru can tell from his reactions, that Makoto is hearing every noise and sound Haru makes. Yet somehow in the midst of all of it, Haru missed the bottle of lube being opened. Warm, wet digits slip between Haru's legs, playing along the skin between his cheeks.

“Is this ok, Haru-chan?” Makoto asks, coming back up to tickle at an ear.

“Yes” Haru says achingly, reaching down to stroke Makoto's length too. He has no doubt that Makoto is ready for this, he can feel it pressing urgently against his thigh. Haru just wants to feel that velvety flesh in his hand, hear a moan or two from Makoto as well while being stretched out...

He takes his time playing with Makoto's glorious shaft, while fingers slip inside him. Pausing between strokes, Haru thumbs the underside of the head, rubbing with gentle pressure until he's rewarded. A slick dribble of precum wets Haru's thumb, and he generously smears it up and over the entire head of Makoto's length. Strong hips are bucking into his hands now, while two fingers explore his ass almost feverishly.

Then Makoto rubs _it_ inside him, and Haru's grip wavers. His own hips snap, wanting more, feeling silly for having not _wanted_ this for any reason at all before...

“Haru, Haru... Easy, Haru... If I cum all over your stomach, you won't be happy” Makoto reminds him when he attempts to start stroking his boyfriend again. Haru nods, and backs his hands off of Makoto's leaking erection. He doesn't take his hands off of him entirely though.

In fact, Haru keeps his hands so definitely _on him_ that Makoto has to pause anyway, and sit back for a moment, composing himself to keep from going off prematurely.

“You're really sensitive” Haru comments, given a break from the stretching by Makoto's pause.

“It's...been a long time, Haru-chan... And, I want to make sure you're stretched really good too, because of that” Makoto smiles at him happily, to let him know he's ok with that, it just is what it is.

“Makoto, I'm ready” Haru nods, reaching up for him.

“Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you...” he says, leaning only halfway down.

“But it does hurt...it _aches_...I need you _now_ ” Haru says petulantly, having suspected his perfect martyr of a boyfriend would try something along these lines. And after all these years, even though the last one was without sex, Haru still knows what buttons to push.

Makoto's eyes are cloudy with desire when they look down on him, and he strokes himself once slowly, examining.

“You have to tell me if it's too much...” he says, moving closer. Haru nods enthusiastically, because he is starting to feel seriously empty inside, without some piece of Makoto in him. It takes way too many seconds for Makoto to roll on the condom and lube himself up. Haru huffs impatiently, surprised at how needy it sounds afterward... Makoto just smiles at him knowingly while their bodies finally align.

Makoto did prep him well, but it has been a long time, like he said. Haru can feel the stretch and burn, hitting depths inside him he had forgotten existed. Quite frankly, it's one of the most beautiful things Haru's ever felt. He's not a virgin, he knows it will pass and how quickly. But he relaxes into the feeling of _being one_ with Makoto that's punctuated by having been separate for so long.

“You can move” Haru whispers quietly, just over the sound of the waves. Makoto looks like his control is dangling by a thread, but he keeps it. His hips slide backwards, drawing out slowly, then coming back again firmly. He fills Haru easily and completely, each thrust smooth and with only a hint of desperation.

As much fun as it would be to see exactly where that line is with Makoto, where the control ends and the desperation takes over...Haru isn't really ready for _that_ just yet. The sex they're having on this beach is not picking up where they left off, kink wise.

It's almost like starting over.

But with experience.

With Makoto knowing just what angle to tip his hips at, just how far he needs to go to hit that perfect spot deep inside Haru. And Haru knows how to relax into the intrusion, tip his hips up to help bring their bodies together seamlessly...

Before he knows it, their pace has picked up enough so that their skin is slapping together. Their breaths are moans, their groins burning with a twisting, spiking heat that spreads farther upon each completed joining. Haru's legs are wrapped around Makoto's waist now, and his arms are clutching over Makoto's back.

Then suddenly Makoto makes a startled noise, and Haru's first instinct is to think he finished without warning. If he was any other man, he would make an extremely frustrated sound right now. It's not that Haru cares about perfect timing or anything like that... But he was just so, so close himself, and Makoto feels so amazing inside him, that he doesn't want it to be over.

“Shit, the tide must be coming in...” Makoto groans in his ear, sounding impossibly conflicted.

And he's still impossibly hard inside Haru.

“Don't stop” Haru says immediately, closing his legs tighter around him and rocking his hips urgently.

“But it's _cold_ ” Makoto gasps, though his hips begin moving again.

“Then hurry” Haru argues, moaning in satisfaction when his prostate is suddenly being hit again.

Makoto slides a hand under Haru's lower back, lifting slightly. Haru instinctually clings to him, and Makoto raises himself to his knees, never stopping his thrusts the whole time. Haru praises the gods of muscles and selfless boyfriends in general as his moans become nearly frantic.

He's so turned on he can't even see straight. The pleasure winds higher and higher, until with one particularly hard thrust, Haru cums in sticky spurts between their chests. Incredibly, Makoto groans and tightens his hold even more for a few more thrusts. He cums loudly, his body stiffening in telltale release while Haru tries to remember which way is up.

He can feel Makoto trembling as he holds him, the muscles in his arms longing to give out.

“I love you, so much, Makoto” Haru squeezes him tighter for a moment too.

“I'm sorry, Haru-chan” Makoto's voice is trembling just like his arms. Haru fears for a second that something has gone horribly, terribly wrong here, until Makoto collapses. As soon as he does, Haru understands. He gasps, the icy water hitting his back even though Makoto tries to roll to keep him out of it. It's only an handful of centimeters deep, being the crest of the now receding wave, but it's enough.

“Cold?! It's _freezing_!” Haru exclaims, the shock of it blasting away the afterglow immediately. “Why didn't you say something?” Haru frowns even as he's flailing, trying to grab their towel and keep it and the lube from floating away. Makoto is just laying on his side, panting breathlessly for a moment, eyes wide. Then he struggles up, completely, hopelessly covered in sand, and Haru just blinks at him.

“I didn't want to stop either, Haru-chan” he grins helplessly. Something about the way Makoto smiles at him as their naked asses are scrambling away from the frigid water strikes Haru as funny. The scene would be hilarious, if it wasn't for the fact that it came _immediately_ _after_ the most meaningful and heartfelt sex Haru's ever had...

Once he starts thinking about it though, he can't help laughing. And it's contagious. He and Makoto laugh the whole way back up the shore to their tent, and it doesn't seem out of place at all. Haru drops the soggy towel next to the fire, and Makoto shakes the sand out of their retrieved clothes. Haru frowns when he notices the lube is dripping though. Opening the cap, a little gush of seawater escapes it, and a line of sand dribbles out with it.

“I think the lube's ruined...” Haru sighs, for the waste, and for their inability to _use it_ now.

“Well... If you wanted to have sex again in the morning, I could always eat you out...” Makoto offers helpfully, “You know, provided we ever get all this sand off to begin with.”

The way his boyfriend is smiling at him right now, naked, covered in sand, and _insinuating_ things, is threatening to drive Haru completely insane.

“I'm assuming this is an 'in the tent' sort of offer” Haru deadpans, biting his lip slightly afterward.

“Uh, yes, definitely” Makoto _finally_ blushes.

“We should shower” Haru says resolutely, his mind made up.

“Eh, shower?” Makoto exclaims, “But the public ones are all the way back by the road...”

Haru smiles at the unspoken, 'through the dark' that was left off of Makoto's sentence.

“It's ok, we have a flashlight. And I don't want to wait until morning” Haru informs him, pulling on a cursory pair of shorts. Makoto hurries to be ready with him, though, he still looks just a tiny bit shaky.

“I guess it would be kind of hard to sleep covered in sand like this anyway...” Makoto admits, nervously taking Haru's hand.

“That's not what I meant” Haru says, walking calmly.

“That's not?... _Oh_. Ok, Haru-chan” Makoto squeezes his hand, and Haru squeezes back.

 


	14. Chapter 14

“Oni-chan, Nii-chan... I've met someone...” Ran says only moments after shocking Makoto and Haru by sliding to her knees in front of the family. She and Ren are home for a visit that is clearly becoming more and more of a 'surprise' as it goes on.

“Met someone?...” Makoto repeats back to her, needing a second to process just what is happening here.

“Are you pregnant?” Haru asks seriously, trying not to frown, but wanting to.

“What?! Haru-chan!” Makoto turns on him.

“It's a valid question” Haru defends himself.

“Ran would never do something _like that_ ” Makoto sputters. Because he's facing Haru, he doesn't see Ran's raised eyebrow. But Haru does.

“Um, actually... I mean, _no_ , I'm _not_ , it's just... Well, never mind _that_ , I'm bringing him up because of something else” Ran takes a moment to draw a steadying breath while all the men in the room breathe a sigh of relief. It's not that Haru doesn't think she'd be an excellent mother, he just hopes she'll wait until after this year of college is over, since it's her last.

“We've been dating for a while now, actually, and, I was too afraid to tell you because I thought you'd say I was too young or something” Ran explains, and Makoto nods immediately.

Haru puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing.

“The thing is... It's been a year now... And... He proposed... But I didn't answer him yet! I told him I completely, absolutely could not give him an answer until I knew if you approved, Oni-chan!” Ran declares.

To Haru, this tells him two things right away. That Ran's answer is _yes_ , but she's holding back out of guilt, and that sooner than he thought, they may be in a position to move to a smaller apartment. As the twins have gotten older, the visits have become less frequent, which is to be expected. But if Ran is married, there's no reason to hold onto her old room for her anymore.

“You've been dating for a year? And you never told me?” Makoto sounds scandalized. Haru understands it's not necessarily that she's growing up, but that he was left out of the loop.

“She doesn't have to run every little thing by us” Haru comments.

“Dating for a year isn't a 'little' thing, Haru” Makoto isn't sounding startled anymore, but it's quickly sliding into hurt.

“Well, you know how time works, Oni-chan” Ren tells them, coming to his sister's defense, “The little day to day things, sometimes, it takes a while for them to add up into something big. And sometimes, you don't even noticing it happening. Then suddenly a year's gone by, and maybe meeting someone for coffee slowly turned into something you could do for the rest of your life...” he says it earnestly, and Ren's definitely never been one for speeches, so it's a pretty sure giveaway that it was rehearsed.

At least he did better at delivering it than Haru did with the sex talk to them. And Haru even had the PowerPoint Rei had so helpfully put together for him back then too...

“So you knew about this?” Makoto questions his younger brother. Ren nods.

“We all go to the same university, so I kind of saw it happening and all that...” Ren admits.

“Koruba is really smart, Oni-chan. He was awarded the same scholarship I was, and that's how we originally met” Ran pleads with them for understanding.

Makoto looks at her intently for a moment, and then sighs.

“What's his given name?” he asks.

“Kensaku. Koruba Ken, is what he goes by” she offers.

“Ok...” Makoto nods, but it seems more to himself than anything else. “So I assume he's coming over for dinner tonight?”

“Ah, if that's ok, Oni-chan, Nii-chan...” Ran bows.

“You can get off the floor, Makoto's not going to disown you or anything” Haru sighs. “Is this Koruba allergic to peanuts, by the way?”

Ran looks kind of stumped at his question as she stands.

“What? Why?...” she asks hesitantly.

Makoto cracks a smile at that.

“We're not going to poison him, Ran. We do want to meet this young man. Haru just had an incident at the restaurant a few months ago, with a customer having a reaction” Makoto volunteers.

“I was going to make sesame and peanut noodles for dinner” Haru adds to the explanation. Ran nods in understanding.

“I don't think he's allergic to anything, but definitely not peanuts. I've seen him eat them before” she assures her Nii-chan.

Haru feels better knowing it.

Koruba Ken is tall, with plain black hair, and is possibly the single biggest nerd Haru has ever met. And that's saying something considering that Rei came back from graduate school abroad with three degrees and speaking four different languages. Haru isn't even sure what Koruba's talking about through half the conversation. Then suddenly he and Ran are laughing riotously, leaving the rest of them to imitate chirping crickets.

“Math joke...” Ren sighs, as if he has experience being subjected to them.

One meeting is hardly enough to base _approval_ on, but he seems like an ok guy.

 

~//~

 

Haru is in a hurry, but even so, he stops to help an old grandmother whose bag of groceries has split. The market he normally goes to is out of mackerel, and he's hoping to get to the one a few blocks over before their seafood counter closes. When he finally arrives, it looks like they're just starting to pack up.

“Do you have any mackerel left?” he asks the first clerk he comes up to. Haru knows he's committing a working man's offense here, coming in just under the wire like this before closing time. The guy doesn't look too pleased about it either.

“We already put the fresh fish away” he informs Haru, hoping that will put him off. Technically, they would be required by store policy to produce it for him since they're still here, but it is rather late...

“Haru?”

Like anyone, Haru turns at the calling of his name, but it's a voice he can't readily place. He also realizes it came from behind the counter, from one of the other seafood clerks. It takes him a second for it to click, because of the hairnet and uniform hat.

“Georgia...” he blurts out as soon as his brain connects the dots. Georgia smiles and winks at his co-worker.

“Old childhood knick name. Here, I'll take care of him, Hogi” Georgia covers seamlessly, patting his co-worker on the shoulder. Haru feels bad for the slip, but he's surprisingly glad to see him, and happy Georgia doesn't seem put off by it.

“He wanted mackerel” Hogi shrugs before turning back to his task.

“Ah, a whole fish?” Georgia asks, putting the job first.

“Two, please” Haru gives him the tiniest of bows, making Georgia grin.

“Wait right here.”

So Haru waits, and tries to compose himself for a moment. Guys like Georgia and Ume, they were probably the only two he wouldn't have minded keeping in touch with. Not that he was in any position to trade phone numbers and a 'let's do lunch' either of the last times he saw them...

Heck, he never even traded first names with them, the entire time he worked there.

When Georgia comes back, Haru makes a point of looking at his name tag. 'Aizawa' is an easy enough family name for him to remember.

“You look like you're doing pretty good, Haru” Georgia says softly while passing him the wrapped fish. Haru nods once, because he's doing splendidly, compared to before. There were a couple more nightmares over the years, things that trigger him occasionally... But Haru has learned to enjoy the moment he's in, and to try his best not to dwell on the past.

Except, right now of course, he's thinking of the past more than usual. It doesn't elevate his heartbeat and squeeze at his lungs like some other memories might though.

Mostly, he remembers Georgia locking arms with him on that New Year's Eve. That, and sharing eyeliner now and then, and critiquing each other's new routines if they spotted any flaws...

“I'm a chef now” Haru manages to struggle out, past all the memories clogging his windpipe. “How are you?” he asks back, because he really is curious.

Georgia smiles at him again, like he remembers just how little interaction Haru was always prone to...

“I'm doing alright... Do you... Uh, my shift ends in a few minutes, actually, if you want to catch up a bit. I know you have your fish and all...” he shrugs hopefully, giving Haru an out if he doesn't really want to reminisce.

“That's fine. It'll keep for a while” Haru nods. Georgia hurries back to his duties then, and Haru goes to pay for his mackerel. He waits back at the counter after that, staying off to the side so as to be out of the way. Not that he's really hampering anything going on back there with his presence. Haru just feels a little self conscious, waiting there. True to his word though, Georgia appears in plain clothes a few minutes later, along with a stream of other workers.

“Aizawa, Naoki” he says with a tip of his head, almost under his breath, “You can just call me Naoki, though.”

“Nanase, Haruka. Uh, _Haru_ ” Haru wonders if this is going to become a theme in his life somehow, of having to introduce himself to people he's known for years.

“I remembered Sousuke calling you that” Georgia nods. They both let the silence hang there for a second, and then Haru speaks up.

“I'm sorry I never asked your name” he apologizes, but Georgia waves it off.

“Let's go somewhere else to talk, ok?” Georgia suggests, nodding toward the doors.

They walk around outside a little, and even though it's September, it's not too cold to sit down for a bit.

“I never asked yours either” the man now known as Naoki muses. They occupy a park bench, picking the conversation back up quickly. What he said is true, and it makes Haru feel a little better.

“Did you ever know Ume's?” Haru asks him.

“Ah, no actually... He left a few months after you did” Naoki informs him.

“You still work there?” Haru asks, slightly disbelieving. Not that the man hasn't held up well, but one of Haru's most vivid memories of him is Georgia rubbing his face and declaring he was getting too old for this... And that was what, ten years ago now?...

“No, actually. I, probably might, if not for the accident...but I guess it was time, you know?” Naoki says with a determined exhale.

“Accident?” Haru hears himself asking, before he can stop himself from prodding into a potentially bad situation.

“I was in a car wreck” he shrugs. “I'm fine now, but the scar isn't anything I can show you in public” he adds a small grin to soften the implications. “It definitely showed on the pole though...”

“Oh... Good. That's good” Haru breaths a sigh of relief. Naoki chuckles at him.

“Yeah, I guess as far as wake up calls go, it was one of the better ones” he agrees.

“But you're doing good now? Do you make a lot, in seafood?” Haru wonders.

Naoki snorts.

“No, not at all. God, I miss those tips sometimes... But I get by, don't get me wrong” he tells Haru, as if making sure not to delve too deeply into a potentially sore subject himself.

“Do you know anything about wine?” Haru asks him, turning slightly on the bench.

“Wine? Not really... Why?” Naoki asks back.

“The restaurant I work for is hiring waiters. They make really good tips” Haru tells him.

“The restaurant you work for serves _wine_?” Naoki seems disbelieving.

“Yes. The Blue Pacific” Haru nods.

“You work at the _Blue Pacific_? That's like, a super fancy place... Normally you need like, _experience_ , and references and stuff to get into a place like that...”

“I'll vouch for your people skills” Haru nods.

Naoki blinks at him for a moment, and then bursts into laughter.

Haru looks back on the statement, and has to admit, it is kind of funny, coming from him.

“As long as you don't mind learning about the wine, I think it would work” he assures, “We specialize in seafood, so maybe brush up on your white's before you apply.”

Naoki looks at him seriously at that, nodding.

“You really think they'd give me a job? What, are you like the head chef or something?” Naoki bumps their shoulders together.

Haru blushes.

“No, I'm not. But I may be the sous chef in a few years, if things keep going well...” Haru doesn't say it to brag, but he does want Naoki to understand that his bosses like him, and his word will mean something to them.

“No kidding? That... Sounds like a great opportunity...” Naoki seems to be mulling it over.

“I have a book on wine from school” Haru starts to offer. Thinking about where said book is stashed in his apartment, makes him remember that he actually has things going on right now. “If you wanted to borrow it, you could come back with me for dinner. It's Sousuke's birthday, actually. I'm sure he'd like to see you too.”

“You guys kept in touch, huh?” Naoki grins at him.

“Yes, we're friends” Haru nods.

“And you're making him fish for dinner?”

“With an udon hot pot too. The others complain if there's only mackerel.”

Naoki leans back against the bench, nudging Haru's side with his elbow this time.

“Ok, Nanase Haru... I'll come crash this party of yours if you tell me something first. Something a lot of us where all dying to know, back in the day...” Naoki tests him. Haru can't really think of anything that would have been so intriguing about his life that people 'wondered' about it...

“Um, sure...”

“I know you have a boyfriend and all... But come on... You and Sousuke, right?... You ever had a fling with him or anything? Be honest, now...” Naoki admonishes, as if he hasn't been speaking complete and absolute _drivel_.

“ _Sousuke_? No. Not at all. _Ever_ ” Haru huffs, frowning at him.

“Ok, ok... Just, a couple different guys had bets on it... A lot of us do end up dating our bouncers, you know.”

“He wasn't _my_ bouncer. We just knew each other from before” Haru is insistent.

“I dated Remi, for a while...” Naoki informs him.

“I've never been with anyone but Makoto, never wanted to” Haru tells him with more passion in his voice than usual.

Naoki grins at that, and nods, raising his hands up in acquiescence. Haru huffs again, just because of the total ridiculousness of the topic. They sit in silence for a moment, and Haru glances at him out of the corner of his eye in disbelief occasionally.

“You still want to have me over?” Naoki asks lightly, seeing the shift in Haru's demeanor. He doesn't sound offended or put out by the thought that Haru might change his mind, more like he's just testing to see if he went past the line here.

Haru hasn't changed his mind though.

“Yes. But, don't say things like that anymore” Haru just sounds mildly annoyed now. “Sousuke's boyfriend, Rin, is _competitive_ , and I'd never get him off my back again...” Haru mutters, standing up and motioning with his head for Naoki to follow him.

“That's fine, that's fine. I just wanted to ask while I could” Naoki says, getting up too. “I probably shouldn't bring up that lap dance you gave him then, huh?”

Haru shoots him a glare, but Naoki just laughs.

He has to admit, seeing each other like this, being casual, _joking_ about _things_ … It's nice.

Even if Naoki does know entirely too much.

Maybe, at least when it's just his friends like this...maybe Haru is ready to start not being so ashamed of that part of his past. Naoki, who Haru still can't help but think of as 'Georgia', seems to have come to terms with it.

“I'd appreciate it” Haru softens his glare to a look of knowing, and Naoki nods back with his own.

“Makoto did seem like a good guy, that one time I saw him...” Naoki offers, as a peace treaty.

“He's amazing” Haru confirms.

“You know, you were always such a man of mystery... I have to admit, I'm kind of excited to see where you live, how you live, all that” Naoki says brightly as they walk.

“I'm not exciting” Haru warns him, “My life is pretty boring. I mean, to a lot of other people...”

“I guess we'll see, won't we?” Naoki grins.

“Sure” Haru blushes a little at the attention.

“That first time you talked about 'Makoto and the twins', I thought you must be straight, and she was your wife...” Naoki informs him.

“Oh... No, the twins are Makoto's younger siblings. We raised them after his parents died” Haru says it so simply, so easily after all these years, that it gives him pause. Inside his head, he wonders if this is the same kind of 'time' thing Rin told him about. Where it doesn't necessarily _heal_ things, but it takes the sting away enough to function normally again.

He and Naoki talk a bit more, but it's not that long of a walk. Haru wonders how he's never run into him before this, actually. Tokyo is a vast city though, so it's not unbelievable.

When they get back, Haru opens the door to find Rin right in his face.

“Oi, how long does it take to find a couple fish, Haru? We're sta-” is as far as he gets before noticing Naoki's presence. Haru sighs, and pushes Rin back enough to let them in the genkan.

“Sousuke, come control your boyfriend” Haru calls loudly, making Rin sputter and blush.

“Me? What are you doing bringing strange guys over to my boyfriend's party?” Rin says haughtily.

“This is Aizawa Naoki, we met at the seafood counter” Haru explains a little too succinctly. Rin is already squinting at him, but when he hears that, his face breaks into a grin.

“Hey, Makoto, get in here! Looks like Haru finally brought home his _supplier_ ” Rin teasingly yells.

Haru rolls his eyes and says, “See? I told you he was overly competitive.”

“Overly?!” Rin frowns.

“Ah, you must be Sousuke's boyfriend” Naoki tries to get back on subject, eyeing Rin.

“What do you mean, 'overly'?” Rin turns his squint on Haru even while giving Naoki a nod and a small bow.

Sousuke and Makoto both come out of the kitchen in that moment though, and Haru doesn't bother to answer what should be obvious. Makoto's face is a pleasant mix of confusion at the statements being shouted to them a second ago. Sousuke on the other hand, has recognition dawning across his face right away.

“Georgia?” he exclaims, moving forward the rest of the way more quickly.

“It's Naoki, actually. Aizawa Naoki.”

Sousuke nods as they bow, and then shake hands, and then Sousuke puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing encouragingly.

Haru can practically feel Rin's curiosity spiking into near _jealousy_ at the warm reception. Also, Haru doesn't feel as bad for not getting to know people personally back then, if Sousuke didn't either.

“So let me guess, you guys used to 'work' together...” Rin says blandly, eyeing Naoki's red hair and excellent figure. Sousuke raises an eyebrow, and it seems to click in both his and Haru's brains at the same instant, what Rin is slyly accusing him of.

Of this being his _New Year's_ fling with a co-worker, all those years ago...

Sousuke looks away from Rin, and over to Haru, and they both promptly blush. It's all the confirmation Rin needs of there being something _going on_ here.

“I feel like I'm missing something... But you do look familiar” Makoto says, interrupting the tension by shaking Naoki's hand as well.

“It's not like that” Sousuke says almost at the same time, looking back to Rin and then to Haru kind of helplessly.

Right.

Now it's Haru's turn to do the rescuing here.

“Naoki and _I_ worked together” Haru interjects, before Rin can open his mouth again. It draws all their attention to him, but that was kind of the point, Haru reminds himself.

“We worked that New Year's Eve together” he elaborates.

“What do you mean, _that_ New Year's Eve?...” Rin questions him.

“It was the only one I ever worked” Haru shrugs, as if that's relevant.

“The one where you ' _fell_ ', and hit the pole...” Makoto adds slightly questioningly, because he realizes he never got the full story of that incident. He doesn't quite want to phrase it as being the first time Haru was 'assaulted' though.

“Yeah, that's the one...” Sousuke answers, hoping Rin will keep his cool long enough to hear them out.

Naoki shoots Haru an apologetic look, one that says he never meant to cause these kinds of things to be brought up. It's ok though, Haru understands. It's really not his fault, and it has next to nothing to do with him.

“We were the headliners that night” Haru motions toward his ex-coworker.

“God, those costumes were _hideous_. I was actually pretty glad boss pulled the two of us aside and switched it up...” Naoki adds tentatively, sensing that some sharing is needing to be had here. Haru nods in agreement, finding the solidarity of opinion there relieving.

“Not that what he gave us instead was particularly _tasteful_ ” Haru counters.

Both Makoto and Rin look expecting of more detail, given the track of the conversation, so Naoki humors them.

“Head to toe body glitter” he nods ominously, “Sadly, not the first time I'd ever done that...”

“We were gold, and silver” Haru adds, motioning toward Naoki and himself in the appropriate places. Rin's eyebrow arches, and Makoto blushes, obviously imagining it.

“Things got a little out of control that night, and they ended up having to shut down the club” Haru shrugs.

“Thanks again, by the way” Naoki says, squeezing Haru's hand. Haru hadn't meant to really _go into_ any of that, but he squeezes back.

“Some guys got rowdy, and tried pulling the two of them off the stage” Sousuke speaks up, probably the one able to speak most easily about it out of all of them. “We were able to break it up before anyone got seriously hurt, but it was a near thing. Haru kept Georgia from being pulled off until we got there.”

“I was pretty freaked out, afterward” Naoki sighs, “But it happens occasionally.”

“Nothing like that had ever happened to me before” Haru admits.

“You were kind of freaking out a little too” Naoki smiles tiredly at him.

“I wasn't _freaking out_ ” Haru contradicts, because he knows what he's like when he's really _freaking out_.

“That's why I said 'a little'... You got all 'deer in the headlights' when the boss told Sousuke and Remi to take us home” Naoki argues.

Normally, Haru would press the issue of his having been fine with more force, but for the sake of what they're trying to convey to Rin here, he doesn't. He just shrugs again.

“I knew I couldn't come back looking like that...”

“You were in shock. We can argue it later if you want, but you were” Sousuke interjects, “You stared at the ceiling of my car without blinking once the entire ride.”

Haru looks down, blushing at the description, but not able to offer any defense. Somehow, he doesn't think the memory of his nausea at the time will contradict Sousuke's assumption...

“He, let me shower at his apartment, so the twins wouldn't see” Haru explains, gratefulness plain in his voice. Sousuke nods in confirmation.

“So, it was _you_ over at his place?” Rin frowns at Haru.

“I never said it was a fling, Rin. You're the one who kept teasing me about it...” Sousuke sighs.

“I did think about throwing my glitter covered g-string in his lap once I realized he was talking to you...” Haru says evenly, to lighten the mood.

“Haru!” Makoto looks scandalized.

“But I didn't” Haru shakes his head seriously. “Rin just sounded so jealous, it was my first instinct to try and rile him up even more” Haru looks at Makoto apologetically.

“You little shit” Rin punches Haru's arm, making him drop the package of fish. He glares at Rin for real at that, and picks it back up again, honestly having forgotten he was holding it.

Just then a grumbling sounds in the slightly tense silence, and it turns out to be Rin's _stomach_ this time.

“What? I told you we were starving here, waiting around for you” Rin huffs. He doesn't look truly upset though, about the wait or the truth.

“I'll get this frying then” Haru nods, letting Rin's gruffness go.

“You cook all day, and then cook here too?” Naoki asks.

“I don't work today. And Makoto's not allowed in the kitchen” Haru informs him as Naoki trails in his wake.

“Wasn't he in there with Sousuke when we got here?”

“Sousuke knows better than to let him touch anything.”

 

Naoki ends up getting the job as a waiter where Haru works, after an extensive study session. It feels kind of surreal to be working with the man again.

Like maybe the past was a different lifetime altogether, and they've been reborn a little farther along the karmic scale.

Naoki is a good worker, and has no problem handling people. It probably doesn't hurt that being _attractive_ as a waiter has nearly the same effect on your tips as in his previous employment.

Haru is glad for him.

He becomes a regular part of their group of friends too, and it turns out some of his friends are the parents of Makoto's students. Maybe the world is a little smaller than Haru had thought before...

Naoki is there with Haru on the day of 'The Great Betrayal', when the head chef is discovered to have quit with no notice to begin his own restaurant.

The owner of the Blue Pacific is not an uninvolved man in his business. He knows his chefs and their relative skill levels. The current sous is promoted to head chef on the spot, and the owner recommends to him highly that Nanase be taken as his sous.

“Of course, sir, that would be my own choice as well.”

Haru stands, blinking, waiting for the words 'interim' or 'temporary' to be spoken. But they never are. He and the new head chef both bow low to the owner, promising not to let him down.

Then they get to work.

It's an exciting, yet hectic night, because many of the waiters have quit to follow the old chef as well. A few people are asked to come in from their night off though, so they end up pulling through.

Before going in to sign his new contract at the end of the shift, Haru asks their pâtissier to hold a chocolate cake for him. Naoki sees him picking it up from the man when he's finally leaving, and gives him a wink.

“You two have fun tonight” he calls out.

“We will” Haru assures him.

He walks the whole way home, even on the train, with a smile on his face. Then he feeds Makoto most of the cake while they cuddle on the couch. They probably would have sex, if they weren't babysitting Ran's kids for the weekend. They're asleep at this hour of course, but still, better not to risk it.

It's ok though.

Just Makoto's smile reaching all the way to his eyes, and his warm arms around him, is all Haru needs to celebrate.

 


End file.
